Red vs Blue quotes

Ay, muchachos, necesite darle... un aviso... ¿Qué? ¿Por qué estoy hablando español? ¡Yo no puedo hablar español! [Translated: Guys, I need to give... you a... warning. What? Why am I speaking Spanish? I don't know Spanish!]

Um... sure.

¡No, no, escúchame! ¡La bruja te va a matar! ¡Ella está trabajando en la tanque! [Translated: No, listen to me! The bitch is going to kill you! She is working in the tank!]

Oh Crap! Caboose, she's almost done fixing Sheila. I'd better radio Church and tell him what's going on.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Tucker, please! Please! Tucker! Tucker! Tucker! Tucker! Please!

Yes... You can be the one who radios Church.

Thanks man. [Activating radio] Calling Church. Come in Church. This is your close personal friend, Private O'Malley.

O'Malley? You said your name was Caboose!

I never said that! You guys did!

Why didn't you correct us?

Because I didn't want to be difficult. [Radios Church] Come in, Private Church. Do you copy? Soldier unit Tex almost has the armour vehicle situation rectified. Okay. We require verification of your... mission...ness. [clears throat] How is your progression?

¡Caboose! ¡Nadie aquí está escuchándome! ¡No mas Puedo hablar español! [Translated as: Caboose! No one here is listening to me! I can only speak Spanish for some reason!]

[Turns to Tucker] ... He says he wants to talk to you.

¡Un tanque... grrrande!

Hey, I think that if you are going to live in this country, you should speak the language.

What country? We're on an alien planet.

What are you, a communist?

Wow. Back so soon? You guys win the war already?

Yeah, uh, do you want to finish telling me the plan now, Sarge?

Sarge

If we survive this, I'm gonna kill both of ya. Slowly.

Hell yeah! Three points, ya dirty whore! [Tex explodes]

Dios Mio NO! [Church runs off to go save Tex]

Uh, where's Lopez going?

Sarge

To fight the enemy head on. In hand to hand combat, mano a mano. What a brave little conpadray. Lopez, I never understood a word you said, but I do know one thing. You hated Grif, and that's the most important thing there is. Adios amigo, adios.

Shouldn't we help him?

Sarge

Nah, that would just ruin the moment.

Hey Church, we have a problem.

I am not your mother, so don't come tattling to me every time one of you does something that the other one doesn't like!

I'm telling you, he's crazy. He keeps threatening me and talking in a scary voice.

No I didn't.

Oh, so you're saying you didn't threaten to cut off my head and give it to Church as a birthday present?

You know, I think you're taking my words a little out of context.

What, what context?!

Listen guys, this competition thing has got to stop, okay ? I thought we'd established by now-

Excuse me?

Hey pal, one second, okay? I'm in the middle of something here. Look, I thought we'd established by now- I don’t like either of you, okay? So competing for my attention is not gonna do you any good.

Excuse me.

Okay. Yes. Hello. Who are you?

[Scary Voice] Don’t. Ever. Be. Alone.

...he’s doing that thing again!

My name is... DuFresne. Are you Private Tucker?

No I'm not Private Tucker, my name is Church. [Turning towards Tucker] This is Private Tucker.

Yo!

And our friend over there in regulation blue, that's Caboose. Or... O'Malley or whatever the hell he's calling himself.

Why does he always introduce me second?

Because he hates you.

I received your call for a medic.

Medic? That was like three months ago...

Yeah what'd you do? Crawl all the way here?

I came here as quickly as I could. Where is the patient?

Well, about fifty yards behind you, and six feet straight down.

Oh... I'm sorry about your loss...

What? Oh yeah. Yeah... Thanks man... That was tough but what anybody can do...

We didn't like her very much... [Whispering] She was mean to other people.

And who's in the other grave.

That's eh... That's me! I'm in that grave.

Ahem... Of course!

See, uh, he got killed by this, uh... crazy runaway tank-

[Interrupting] Or by the idiot driving it.

Oh yeah, and then he became, uh, this really mean ghost, and uh, took over a Mexican robot's body. Oh, and then we had to (that's right) spray-paint him (to make him blue), and now he is alive again, and he is a bionic man. Who... is blue.

I'm a pacifist.

You're a thing that babies suck on...

No, dude, that's a pedophile.

Tucker, I think he means a pacifier.

Oh yeah, right. Man I was... totally thinking 'bout somethin' else.

That’s real classy, Tucker.

No, I’m just going to check your vitals.

I bet I have better vitals than you.

...

...

What’s a vital?

Okay, Tucker, I need you to get up there, help Caboose shore up a defense, establish a suppressing fire, and hold that position until further notice.

I didn’t even know what half of that meant.

Just go over to Caboose’s rock, and fire your gun a bunch.

That rock? Yeah, I don’t think so.

We do not. Have time. To discuss this.

Sure, no time for you to discuss it! You get to hang out here with Nancy-no-bullets just shootin' the breeze! Meanwhile, I’m out there, running around, eating a machine-gun sandwich.

Tucker, we’re going to give you covering fire!

Covering fire? Unless that means you’re going to build a huge, bulletproof wall between me and them, I think you need to come up with a new plan. Preferably one that involves me keeping the same quantity of blood that I have right now.

No problem. Oh, wait, wait, does the blood have to be in your body?

(shaking from constant weapon recoil) Simmons, I can't feel my hands!

Then maybe you should lay off the trigger dumbass.

Okay, you, Doc. Get over there and help Caboose.

My name isn't Doc. It's DuFresne.

Yeah, I can't pronounce that. So from now on, your name is Doc.

I'm not really comfortable with that. I'm not a doctor; I'm a medic.

What's the difference?

Well, a doctor cures people. A medic just makes them more comfortable... while they die.

Mental Note: Don't ever get shot.

It's settled then, your name is now Doc.

Alright, but I don't think it'll stick. (scene pauses, background gets dark; the word "Doc" passes by in big letters)

Oh trust us, it'll stick.

I can't believe Church shot me!

[Irritated, echoing scream from nearby] Oh don't even start Caboose!

You have a bullet wound in the foot. Is anything else wrong?

Uh… Oh! I got one. Uh, well, sometimes, when I fall asleep at night, I think about my parents having sex, and I get really, really mad for some reason.

Okay; I'm just gonna start with the foot.

Why did the reds stop firing?

I don't know, they're probably out of ammo.

Hey blue team, we are giving you a chance to surrender.

Yeah, they're definitely out of ammo.