Sean Lock quotes from QI

Sean Lock

You could do it with other sports, couldn't you, though?

Stephen Fry

Yeah, go on.

Sean Lock

I don't know. Chugby.

Stephen Fry

Chugby?

Sean Lock

Chess and rugby.

Stephen Fry

Chess and rugby. I like that.

Alan Davies

Darts and swimming.

Stephen Fry

Ooh.

Alan Davies

Swarts.... Or dimming.

Stephen Fry

Or dimming.

Alan Davies

Underwater darts. Would that work?

Stephen Fry

Oh, yes, I like the sound of that.

Alan Davies

Or... Darts at swimmers.

Sean Lock

I just wonder what's gonna happen to you when you go, like, skydiving. You go: "Wow! [spreading his hands] That's incredible! Forget the socks! This is amazing!"

Rob Brydon

I have been skydiving.

Sean Lock

Have you tried jelly? That's nice.

Stephen Fry

Why are so many great men short?

David Mitchell

[doubtfully] Are they really?

Stephen Fry

David, David. You've hit the nail on the head. Rem acu tetigisti, as they would say in latin.

David Mitchell

…I'm sure they would.

Sean Lock

It means: 'Nice one, son'.

David Mitchell

It's gone off already, I mean, cheese basically, hasn't it?

Stephen Fry

That's it's point, exactly. It is the celebration of what happens when milk goes off big time styley.

Sean Lock

It should just: you should work for the milk marketing mob. Get some lovely "English milk gone off big time styley". "I'll have a 'milk gone off big time styley and tomato sandwich' please." That's a brilliant description!

Stephen Fry

The rhino’s not the least bit aggressive.

Sean Lock

Not a mammal, either.

Stephen Fry

A rhino is a mammal, yes.

Sean Lock

Is it? I thought it was a dinosaur.

Sean Lock

Why’s is called a rhinosaurus then, if it’s not a dinosaur?

Stephen Fry

Because it’s...not.

Sean Lock

What do you mean ‘because it’s not’? It’s called a rhinosaurus. That’s what dinosaurs are called.

Ross Noble

It’s a noceros, isn’t it?

Stephen Fry

Rhinoceros.

Ross Noble

Rhinoceros. Have you been calling it a rhinosaurus?

Sean Lock

Yeah.

Stephen Fry

There’s a problem.

Stephen Fry

It buries itself in the ground in the summer in that state and kind of sleeps and there are points at stake for those who can tell me what the summer version of hibernating is. Hibernating is from hiber...

Sean Lock

Lowbernating.

Sean Lock

I imagine seriously violent criminals are quite good at sex.

Stephen Fry

Are they?

Sean Lock

I don’t know, I’m just guessing.

What about bidet?

Stephen Fry

Bidet they do indeed have, though it's easier, really, to do a handstand in the shower, to be honest. But if you want the expense of a bidet…

Sean Lock

Easier?

Stephen Fry

[laughing] If you are as nimble as I am.

Sean Lock

I'd pay good money to see that. I'd like to see you doing that, with a camera, [mimics lifting a camera phone] going: "Tweet this!"

Sean Lock

I hear voices.

Stephen Fry

Do you?

Sean Lock

But I ignore them and I just carry on killing.

Stephen Fry

Why did the Spanish Duke of Alba order 7000 pairs of ice skates?

Sean Lock

Cos he was a millipede. Can’t see from that picture. Thousands of legs.

Stephen Fry

Any thoughts as to why he might have ordered 7000 pairs of ice skates?

Sean Lock

He wanted to wipe it out. “I hate ice skating. I’m gonna buy all the boots, and it’ll just die out.”

Stephen Fry

We’re talking the 17th century.

Sean Lock

That’s what I’d do.

Stephen Fry

[Trying to get back on track.] We’re talking the 17th century. The pope...

Sean Lock

I’d do it for showjumping though.

Stephen Fry

Right.

Sean Lock

I’d buy all the horses. And all those funny blocks that look like walls you’ve never seen before. Buy all those. And then showjumping would be finished forever.

Stephen Fry

So you think he was trying to wipe out ice skating as a sport?

Sean Lock

Yes. Yeah. It’d be a good James Bond plot, wouldn’t it? Instead of trying to take over the world, I’m trying to stop showjumping. James Bond’s gotta get me and kill me before...

Ross Noble

The trouble is though, you’ve got all them obstacles. You’ve got all them obstacles in your garden, and you’ve bought the horses. They’re gonna... it’s in their nature. They’re gonna be doing it in the garden. You’ll look out, be entertained...

Sean Lock

Hoisted by my own petard.