Stephen Fry, Sean Lock and others in “Unfinished Business”

Stephen Fry

Why did the Spanish Duke of Alba order 7000 pairs of ice skates?

Sean Lock

Cos he was a millipede. Can’t see from that picture. Thousands of legs.

Stephen Fry

Any thoughts as to why he might have ordered 7000 pairs of ice skates?

Sean Lock

He wanted to wipe it out. “I hate ice skating. I’m gonna buy all the boots, and it’ll just die out.”

Stephen Fry

We’re talking the 17th century.

Sean Lock

That’s what I’d do.

Stephen Fry

[Trying to get back on track.] We’re talking the 17th century. The pope...

Sean Lock

I’d do it for showjumping though.

Stephen Fry

Right.

Sean Lock

I’d buy all the horses. And all those funny blocks that look like walls you’ve never seen before. Buy all those. And then showjumping would be finished forever.

Stephen Fry

So you think he was trying to wipe out ice skating as a sport?

Sean Lock

Yes. Yeah. It’d be a good James Bond plot, wouldn’t it? Instead of trying to take over the world, I’m trying to stop showjumping. James Bond’s gotta get me and kill me before...

Ross Noble

The trouble is though, you’ve got all them obstacles. You’ve got all them obstacles in your garden, and you’ve bought the horses. They’re gonna... it’s in their nature. They’re gonna be doing it in the garden. You’ll look out, be entertained...

Sean Lock

Hoisted by my own petard.