Sandi Toksvig quotes from QI

Sandi Toksvig

I was in Sydney and I was listening to the radio and they said: :[Australian accent] “And now the weather: There's no weather today.”

Sandi Toksvig

The Epicureans said that truffles smell like the tussled sheets on a brothel bed.

Sandi Toksvig

Some of these “Bills of Mortality”, they just had cause of death “suddenly”.

Stephen Fry

What use is a goose?

Sandi Toksvig

[dead serious] Is it toilet paper? [general laughter] No, seriously. Is it - [more laughter]

Stephen Fry

Sandi, that is bizarre. Why do you say that?

Sandi Toksvig

Well, because I once read this book by Rabelais, I think it was called Gargantua. And he recommended that the best thing for toilet paper was a live goose. And I have yet to check in to a five-star hotel without a sense of disappointment.

Stephen Fry

So there you are. There are these beautiful animals, and they are graceful and sweet and long eyelashes and sexy and rather desirable in many ways…

Sandi Toksvig

Good thing you're tall.

Sandi Toksvig

I, I like pink. 'Pink makes the boys wink'. And I think that's right. I've known boys who've been complete winkers. Marvellous thing, pink.

Jack Dee

I, uh, sorry. [rings in] Bit sexist, wasn't that.

Sandi Toksvig

[leans forward] Now, Jack, I've only just started. This is the beginning, my dear.

Jack Dee

I'm gonna come down you like a…

Stephen Fry

Hello!

Jack Dee

…ton of bricks.

Sandi Toksvig

[nonchalantly] Would be the first boy in my life to have done so.

Stephen Fry

They can get a man on the moon, but they can't get one on Sandi.

Sandi Toksvig

Is it because women are just not funny?

Stephen Fry

[gasps]

Ronni Ancona

[imitating deep Southern woman] Now, that's right, but we're good at other things, we're good at raisin' kittens and knittin' cakes!

Sandi Toksvig

It feels extraordinary to sit next to a women...

Stephen Fry

Oh, hello.

Jack Dee

Is it because once they start they never shut up?

Sandi Toksvig

I think there's a scientific relationship between a sense of humour and the male sex organ.

Alan Davies

People are always laughing at mine.

Johnny Vegas

What if you got an air pocket in your ears?

Stephen Fry

A pocket?

Johnny Vegas

You know, the ear pockets. [puts his fingers in his ears]

Stephen Fry

Yes, but the ear cavities are cancelled out...

Sandi Toksvig

[reaches for Johnny's arm] Take your fingers out, you won't hear the answer.

Sandi Toksvig

I don't like cats very much...

Stephen Fry

Awww...

Sandi Toksvig

No, I'm sorry. So many cats, so few recipes.

There will be a lot of people watching who will wonder what does a true Scotsman wear under his kilt, and I can tell you true Scotsman will never tell you what he wears under his kilt. He will show you at the drop of a hat.

Stephen Fry

I've seen dandruff on the shoes. That's a giveaway. But the short kilt -

Sandi Toksvig

I don't feel well now.

Alan Davies

[waving arms] I don't feel good with that information. Quick, send something else! Give me another image!

Rob Brydon

Well, it makes sense now, when you think about when you're being in a hot country, and you're tossing at night and you can't get off, and then you hear the…

Alan Davies

[long look]

Rob Brydon

No! No, no, no.

Stephen Fry

[sympathetic look]

Rob Brydon

I'm simply not having it!

Sandi Toksvig

Sounds like it.

Sandi Toksvig

He can’t have been that ill though, cos he seems to have had time to change his socks.

Alan Davies

I’m dying. Get the death socks.

Rob Brydon

Stephen, can I point out? Can I give the seal of approval to his wonderfully long socks?

Stephen Fry

Rob long socks. Oh dear.

Sandi Toksvig

I once bought a racehorse by mistake.

Dara Ó Briain

What had you originally gone into the shop for?

Stephen Fry

You've gotta have two machines abreast, is usual, isn't it? And then all the living quarters were next door... [interrupted by a chuckle from Alan]

Alan Davies

Sorry, I've just thought of breasts. [hands on his chest] "Two machines"?

Stephen Fry

[laughing] Two machines per breast.

Sandi Toksvig

It was an odd moment, Alan, 'cos I was with you.