Stephen Fry quotes from QI

Stephen Fry

What has four legs and a sense of humour?

Bill Bailey

Ant and Dec.

Stephen Fry

India's first nuclear device. Do you know what that was called, and what it might have been?

Alan Davies

It was a curry.

Stephen Fry

What's the most depressing radio program of all time?

Alan Davies

[Immediately] Oh, Simon Bates! By miles.

Stephen Fry

[Imitating Simon Bates, presenting Our Tune ] But surely. that's the story of people who fell in love. She did die of the cancer, but...

Bill Bailey

She battled through the cancer and here's her song: Too Drunk To Fuck

I had several correspondents who would say that Saturday Live is the most depressing radio programme.

Stephen Fry

Really? [points to screen]

Stephen Fry

What colour are the flags on the moon?

Alan Davies

Well, do they look different? When you're there? Are there no flags? There's no moon... oh god.

Alan Davies

I could just hear about 100 klaxons sounding.

Stephen Fry

They go on a extraordinary shagging spree. I mean its quite ugly, but I give you the details, because they are pretty amazing: It's semelparous, meaning they only do it once, and it is about 12 hours on the job with one female, before it moves on to the next. It doesn't eat or sleep, but keeps going in a testosterone driven frenzy...

Sandi Toksvig

Oh never mind about him, that poor female. Twelve hours. She must be chafed.

Stephen Fry

To get the necessary energy the male's body has stripped its body of all the nutrients and suppressed the immune system, by the end of a fortnight they are physically exhausted, bald, gangrenous, ravaged by stress and infection and keel over and die. Russell Brand, take note.

Stephen Fry

How fast was the fastest mass extinction in history, in years...

Bill Bailey

The Liberal Democrats.

Stephen Fry

Now. Alan, would you take a bullet for me?

Alan Davies

Yes, Stephen.

Stephen Fry

Aw, thank you. Very good.

Alan Davies

Sorry: no I wouldn't!

Stephen Fry

Why do people fall over when they've been shot?

Jason Manford

Because they've just been shot.

Jason Manford

Oh!

Stephen Fry

What wouldn't you want to get on Valentine's Day?

Alan Davies

Chlamydia.

Stephen Fry

Perfectly reasonable response.

Josh Widdicombe

Is that what VD stands for?

Stephen Fry

Who would bite their arms off to get a leg over?

Josh Widdicombe

[presses his buzzer "Love is all around me", points at himself]

Stephen Fry

You?

Stephen Fry

Even if we hadn't got that one ready, it would reveal what a sad act you are.

Stephen Fry

There is a whole generation of people, if they are channel surfing and see something in black and white, they will never stop to look at it. Which is extraordinary, given that most of the best films ever...

Alan Davies

[incredulously] Not even Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid?

Stephen Fry

Most of the best films ever made were in black and white, it just seems so extraordinary...

Alan Davies

Not even Broadway Danny Rose?

Stephen Fry

I know, I know...Elephant Man.

Josh Widdicombe

Why did you point at me when you said Elephant Man?

Stephen Fry

A lot of military figures had articles of clothing named after them. Particularly, for some reason, the Crimean War. There was Lord Cardigan, who was in charge of the Light Brigade.

Alan Davies

Balaclava.

Stephen Fry

The Balaclava Helmet, absolutely. And...?

Alan Davies

Jodhpur.

Stephen Fry

Jodhpur’s a place, I think.

Alan Davies

Doctor Martin.

Stephen Fry

The Raglan Sleeve...

Alan Davies

Lord Bobblehat.

Stephen Fry

Now, Ladies first. [smiles exaggeratedly at Kathy Lette and Sue Perkins]

Sue Perkins

You smoothie.

Stephen Fry

[seriously] Why shouldn't you have the vote?

Stephen Fry

Doctors suggested because they thought it would make more people come forward with STDs because they would be less embarrassed to say they caught it from a lavatory seat, then that they caught it from a whore strumpet harlot.

Alan Davies

Or parent.

Stephen Fry

Or parent. Or parent?! Don’t make me repeat things without thinking.