Stephen Fry quotes from QI

Last night, I had an anxiety dream about coming on this show, and in this dream, I think I was sitting on the other side and you were asking the question very sternly "Why was the March Hare so important to the Aztecs?" And I didn’t know the answer and I said "Did they worship it?" And the screens went "Worship it. Worship it." which was absolutely terrifying.

Stephen Fry

Anyway. [very sternly] Why was the March Hare so important to the Aztecs?

Alan Davies

[Egging Victoria on] Whatever you dreamt was the answer, is the right answer.

I know the answer isn’t "Did they worship it?", because...

Stephen Fry

That was a flycatcher. It was a Juan Fernández Tit-Tyrant.

Alan Davies

Here we go again...

Bill Bailey

Wait a minute...[writing in his notebook] A Juan Fernández Tit-Tyrant.

Stephen Fry

There are points for knowing where the Juan Fernández islands are.

*scoffs* Breastcock Lane...?!

Stephen Fry

Who speaks in terms, harangues and declaims in a long meandering cascade of sounds, syllables, stresses and intonations, that might at first seem to be full of sense and meaning, but soon reveal itself to be an empty, vain, hollow and completely meaningless stream of gibberish?

Jimmy Carr

[To Stephen] You.

Stephen Fry

We call our numbers Arabic numbers.

Alan Davies

Do we? I thought our numbers... okay.

Stephen Fry

Roman alphabet.

Alan Davies

Right.

Stephen Fry

And Arabic numerals.

Bill Bailey

And Gregorian chanting.

Jimmy Carr

Have you played hangman for money?

Yes.

Jimmy Carr

Who plays hangman for money?!

Stephen Fry

She bets on everything!

I was about to say I've done everything for money, but I know what you guys do with that.

Stephen Fry

So, what begins with J and appears to be alive?

Jo Brand

Is it me?

Stephen Fry

You begin with J and are most magnificently radiantly alive.

Jo Brand

He's on the turn.

Liza Tarbuck

James Blunt.

Stephen Fry

Closer, I grant you.

Sue Perkins

Jeremy Clarkson.

Stephen Fry

This is something that appears to be alive, but quite obviously isn’t.

Sue Perkins

Jedward then. I'm revising my original answer.

Stephen Fry

I got jumbo wrists and I'm covered in tit juice. What have I been up to?

Sue Perkins

You've changed.

Jo Brand

Is it a night out with Tarbuck and Perkins?

Stephen Fry

There is a thing called Dogger Bank itch.

Sue Perkins

Guilty as charged.

Sue Perkins

I hate the word breasts.

Liza Tarbuck

I do, too.

Sue Perkins

Lets just say jugs...

Liza Tarbuck

...tits...

Sue Perkins

...bosom.

Stephen Fry

[weighing in] I like titties.

Stephen Fry

Where the hell did I leave my passport?

Alan Davies

I lost mine in a plane once, and it had gone down, under the cushion of my seat. The actual plane seat. And I was on the plane for ages, I refused to get off the plane.

Stephen Fry

You have to get your seat disassembled. I’ve had that.

Alan Davies

And eventually I found it.

Alan Davies

That’s the end of the story.

Stephen Fry

That was a beautiful story. That is a lovely, lovely story.

Rob Brydon

Stephen, is that Alan Davies or is that Peter Ustinov? That was one hell of an anecdote. If that is the level of the bar this evening, I may go home.

Phill Jupitus

It's like you're talking about Narnia or something. Some fantastical land you've only heard about.

Cal Wilson

You make your way through the fur coats and suddenly...

Stephen Fry

Woah. [hides his face in his hand]

Stephen Fry

What did Napoleon say to Josephine on his way back from a journey?

Alan Davies

I sense a trap! The only thing I know about Napoleon and Josephine was he said...

Stephen Fry

Yeah?

Alan Davies

What was it? Rob, what was it?

Rob Brydon

Phill?

Phill Jupitus

Cal?

Cal Wilson

I’m gonna do it. “I’m coming back. Don’t wash.”

Alan Davies

I only know the other one.

Stephen Fry

The other one, which might be...?

Alan Davies

It’s the one, Rob, what’s it...?

Rob Brydon

Phill, you know it.

Phill Jupitus

Cal...

Stephen Fry

Now what’s a male ferret called?

Alan Davies

Jeff.

Stephen Fry

What begins with J and was used by the first man to row the Atlantic to attempt suicide?

Alan Davies

Jizz.

Sue Perkins

Suicide by jizz?