Stephen Fry quotes from QI

Rob Brydon

You look backwards, because history teaches us the future. Because from history, we learn patterns, and as Dr Phil says time and time again, the greatest indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour.

Johnny Vegas

[Putting a hand on Rob’s shoulder.] When are you gonna realise he’s not interested?

Stephen Fry

I’m so...

Rob Brydon

He is interested. [To Stephen.] Tell him you’re interested.

Stephen Fry

I’m very interested.

Stephen Fry

There is this strange thing called libration, which is like vibration but beginning with an L. It was a thing that was noted by quite a few of the early astronomers...

Rob Brydon

Can I say, sorry Stephen, but that's not an acceptable way of defining a word: Libration. It's like vibration, but beginning with an L.

Stephen Fry

What starts with H means that you'll always be the bridesmaid and never the bride?

Phill Jupitus

Hepatitis C.

Stephen Fry

Oddly enough, you’re surprisingly close.

Phill Jupitus

Herpes.

Stephen Fry

And what do they mean by monkey glands?

Phill Jupitus

The glands... of a monkey!

Stephen Fry

Now, don't play with it. They did ask that no-one else touches it.

Alan Davies

[defiantly] Oh?

Stephen Fry

It's very valuable.

Alan Davies

I was gonna make it go over the desk! [gives in and crawls back to his chair] I can't believe I'm not allowed to play with it.

Stephen Fry

I'm afraid I was given specific 'Alan not to touch' instructions.

Ross Noble

I love the fact that somewhere there's a memo that just says: "Machine gun - for Stephen Fry's use only".

Ross Noble

A circular triangle?

Stephen Fry

Well...

Oh, no, no, no. This is your first time. This sort of thing happens all the time. “It’s a sort of circular triangle.”

Alan Davies

“And it makes a square.”

Ross Noble

It’s not the fact that I’m boggled by that, it’s the fact that I now realise there’s a possibility that you could have a Toblerone-Rolo combo.

Alan Davies

Let me play with the gun! I wanna play with the gun that shoots around corners.

Stephen Fry

No, you can’t play with the gun.

Alan Davies

[Grumpy.] “Special instructions ‘don’t let Alan...’”

Phill Jupitus

“Police were baffled in London tonight by a series of murders committed around corners.”

Alan Davies

[saying nothing, places his fingers on top of his head]

Alan Davies

Is that the way they can now read my mind, these people?

Stephen Fry

[laughing] It's amazing, isn't it.

Alan Davies

It's the eighth series, I suppose.

Stephen Fry

What is the point of teenagers?

Jo Brand

Are they the only group you are legally allowed to punch?

Stephen Fry

My favourite on the Weakest Link was "What are Chardonnay, Shiraz and Pino Noir?" And the guy said "Footballer's wives."

Alan Davies

My favourite one was: "Name a dangerous race". And the man said "The Arabs."

Stephen Fry

You can tell from the strides that they ran really fast.

Jack Dee

What were they running from?

Alan Davies

The white man.

[to Ross Noble] Are you speaking English?

Stephen Fry

…Did you just say to him: "Are you speaking English?" Have you never heard a Geordie accent before?

Not coming from something with hair that's never been combed.

Ross Noble

I'd just point out that I'm actually part of this show. I'm not on the screen.

Ross Noble

If you see proper wild dolphins, they've got lumps out of them, and bits missing, and they fight… I just love the idea that people are just going: "Oh, this amazing experience"…

Stephen Fry

…Those serene and mystical and lyrical…

Ross Noble

…When actually it's just like being chucked in with a bunch of wet skinheads.

Stephen Fry

What is the most aggressive animal?

My mother.

Stephen Fry

The rhino’s not the least bit aggressive.

Sean Lock

Not a mammal, either.

Stephen Fry

A rhino is a mammal, yes.

Sean Lock

Is it? I thought it was a dinosaur.

Sean Lock

Why’s is called a rhinosaurus then, if it’s not a dinosaur?

Stephen Fry

Because it’s...not.

Sean Lock

What do you mean ‘because it’s not’? It’s called a rhinosaurus. That’s what dinosaurs are called.

Ross Noble

It’s a noceros, isn’t it?

Stephen Fry

Rhinoceros.

Ross Noble

Rhinoceros. Have you been calling it a rhinosaurus?

Sean Lock

Yeah.

Stephen Fry

There’s a problem.