Shawn Spencer quotes from Psych

Shawn

What about me fellas? I'm not having any psychic visions, or flashbacks or recreation flashbacks OR recreation flashbacks with new psychic visions. Imagine you weren't just a bland, gangly average human, that you could wink at someone and-and-and light up their world! That you could make a child THINK you have given them an ice cream cone without giving them the cone! And then watch them skip off into a beautiful meadow licking nothing but air! Imagine that! Imagine that you had a special gift, a sixth sense and someone or something comes along and RIPS it away from you! IMAGINE THAT, JACK!

Shawn

It's a gift that I bust out on rare occasions and almost all the time.

Shawn

Shoot...the...glass.

Shawn

Everyone stop what you're doing and only pay attention to me!

Shawn

Nobody steals on The Catch.

Shawn

I am something that you never were. I am a bona fide star in the class C municipal Santa Barbara Co-Ed Softball League, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Shawn

We're so far off the grid I think we may be back on the grid.

Shawn

[excited] YOU PLACE IS HAUNTED!

Shawn

Well, much like Lady Gaga, I was born this way.

Shawn

Just because you put syrup on something don't make it pancakes.

Shawn

Know this, Jordan. I'm on to you. Like fat... on a fat person.

Shawn

Well, the plot, unlike your hair, continues to thicken.

Lassiter

You solved all these crimes - what was it - watching the local channel 8 news reports?

Shawn

All right, I confess, that's not true. Sometimes I watch channel 5. I prefer channel 8. The weather girl? Adorable.

Lassiter

So you're telling us that you can read guilt off of TV interviews?

Shawn

Can't you?

Shawn

I got the information because...I'm psychic.

Lassiter

Get him out of here!

Shawn

Oh boy! (Leans against the door, looks at Officer Allen) Your grandmother would be so proud.

You spoke to her?

Shawn

I did. She's safe, comfortable. She wants you to stop spending all your money on those charlatans.

The palm readers?

Shawn

The palm readers.

Okay, just to be clear, um, you're claiming to be a psychic, Mr. Spencer.

Shawn

(Moves his hands around until one is pointing at Lassiter and the other at Barry) How else would I know that you two are sleeping together? 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 1... (Turns to Officer McNab) When's the wedding?

May 3rd - wait, how'd you know?

Shawn

I'm getting dance lessons for a wedding reception and you are getting good!

Wow. That's amazing!

Lassiter

Oh come on, who is buying this!

Gus

You named your fake detective agency "Psych"? As in "gotcha"? Why didn't you just call it "Hey, we're fooling you and the police department; hope we don't make a mistake and somebody dies because of it."

Shawn

First of all, Gus, that name is entirely too long; it would never fit on the window. And secondly, the best way you convince people you're not lying to them is to tell them you are!