Phineas quotes from Phineas and Ferb

Candace

Phineas, Ferb, Mom put me on noise patrol while she's taking her online test. She needs it to be... [loudly] ABSOLUTELY QUIET!

Linda

[from upstairs] Candace, I'm trying to concentrate! [?] Now, let's see. Oh, I know that. It's love. [?] What do you mean "wool"? [Cut back outside]

Candace

You heard her, right? No noise. I want you silence and invisible. Got it? [leaves]

Buford

Silence and invisible? What I'm I? A ninja?

Phineas

That's it! Gang, I know what we're gonna do today! [pauses] Speaking of silence and invisible, where's Perry?

Linda

Oh hi kids. I want to thank you for being so quiet all afternoon, unlike someone I know.

Candace

But but but...

Phineas

Hey Mom, how your test go?

Linda

Well, lucky for Candace I just passed. Anyone for pie?

ME!

Linda

[In a stern tone] Mush Candace.

Candace

[Pushes Mom away who is still in the computer chair] Sigh.

The spaceship is right behind you. Le vaisseau spatial est juste derrière vous.

Phineas

Hey look, there's Mom!

Your children are climbing in the spaceship now.

Phineas

Hi Mom!

Vos enfants sont à la hausse dans le vaisseau spatial aujourd'hui.

Phineas

We're going to outer space!

Oh for the love of, would you turn around?

Phineas

See ya!

Oh pour l'amour de, serait que vous tournez autour?

Linda

Well when is that ever going to come up in conversation?

Linda

Candace, I thought I told you to take that garbage out. You are so busted, young lady.

Candace

Of course I am.

Phineas

Hey, where's Perry?

And now, a trailer for an episode we also have no plan to make.

Baljeet

Pay attention up there!

Jerry the Platypus?

Phineas

Ferb, aren't those extinct?

Jeremy

As a matter of fact, I object to this union.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

Yes, I'm just a guy who's a sucker for the sounds of mass transit.

The Chronicles of Meap, Episode 42.

Meap!

Meap Me in St. Louis.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

Hey, wasn't that Suzy stuff supposed to be in this one?

Baljeet

Buford, what are you doing?

Buford

The forest is filled with patch-crazed Europeans and I'm a bear in the woods. What do you think I'm doing?

Phineas

Ooh! Ooh! I know!

Buford

Am I on speaker phone? Get me off speaker phone!

Candace

Ahh! Hey, do you know that it's rude to take a peek to try to spy on you?!

Phineas

Sorry.

Candace

What are you guys doing?!

Phineas

Well you know how we do something new everyday?

Candace

[sarcastically] No!

Phineas

Oh, well, we build a big project or do something-

Candace

I'm aware of the concept Phineas, I was just being sarcastic.

Phineas

Really? Hey, that was pretty good. I totally fell for it. Hey Ferb, I totally fell for it.

Candace

Anyway...

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

[meeting his inner self] Hey, you look a little familiar.

I should. I'm the inner you.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

Inner me? Are you the one who's been making the good -inators?!

I was tryin' to HELP YOU, YOU FAGGOT!?

Uh-oh.

Phineas

Oops.

That's it, just a little more. Not so hard, you'll over-tighten it! Like your brain! Now, let's get a glimpse at what this baby can do. [Cake-inator fires]

Ferb

Well least things could get anyworse.

Ugh, dude, what the >BLEEP< happened?! Dude, is this cake?! [Hug-inator fires]

The cake is hugging us!

Don't worry, it's not so bad! We can eat our way out! [Confetti-inator fires] Ugh! I can't eat it now, it's covered in paper!

Phineas

Why not?! [An angrily Doofenshmirtz and his inner self seeing Perry flying away after he destroys the three -inators]

Lawrence

Hello lads!

Phineas

Hi Dad!

Lawrence

What the (BLEEP) are you boys doing?!

Phineas

I was just telling Buford about phone booths.

Buford

And I'm not buying it!

Lawrence

Oh no Buford, they were real. They were tiny rooms where you could talk on the phone in private.

Phineas

Yeah! And you'd have to put coins in them to make calls.

Buford

You guys are blowing my mind!

Lawrence

Speaking of coins... What's this here? Behind your ear? [Reaches behind Phineas's ear] It's a quarter!

Buford

How the (BLEEP) did you do that?!

Lawrence

A magician never reveals his secrets. [Walks away]

Buford

Your dad's really great at tricks!

Phineas

Not really, I just keep a bunch of quarters behind my ear 'cause he enjoys it so much. [Pulls a handful of quarters from behind his ear]

Candace

[inspecting the State-of-the-Matter Transfer Device her brothers invented] What is this thing? Some sort of souped-up techno-geek camera? I wonder what it... [accidentally zaps herself and turns into liquid; angrily] Phineas and Ferb! [A bird comes down and bathes on her] No! Get off! Ew! [gargles; the bird flies off, leaving her in four puddles]

Linda

Well, that's funny. I could've sworn she said backyard. Oh, well. If anyone needs me, I'll be washing a ton. [chuckles]

Phineas

Let's see, we've got horseradish, durians, and turmeric.

Isabella

I've got a mountain yam.

Baljeet

I cannot wait to taste liquified sea salt. [steps on a Candace puddle]

Candace

Hey! Watch where you're steering those sneakers, bub!

Phineas

Candace? You're a smoothie?!

Candace

Phineas, you've got to fix this!

Phineas

That is so cool! What does it feel like?

Candace

It feels like you're in big trouble!

Phineas

Ferb, we're gonna need some sponges and a bucket.

Phineas

[filling the bucket with Candace-liquid] Okay, these are the last drops of her.

Candace

Hurry up and change me before that bird comes back!

Phineas

Sure thing, Candace. We reversed the polarity, and it should do the trick. Now, try not to ripple. [zaps the bucket]

Candace

[in the shape of the bucket] This does not feel like the reverse of being a bucket of water.

Phineas

Hmm, so it would seem.

Buford

I don't know, I kinda like her like that. She looks like "Cand-berry sauce."

Phineas

Hey, Isabella, anything in the Fireside manual about escaping from quicksand?

Buford

Hey, guys, I landed up here, should I come down?

Baljeet

No! Throw down that vine! [Buford picks up the whole vine] Just one end!

Buford

Ok, but I don't know what you're gonna do with half a vine.

Baljeet

[to Phineas] Is it me? It is him, right?

Phineas

[to Buford] Now, Buford, pull! [Buford grunts, but the vine doesn't move] On the vine!

Buford

Oops, sorry!

Phineas

[aside, to Baljeet] It's him.

Phineas

And stop looking for Perry? Are you kidding? He's our pet! He's more than our pet. He's our friend. And, I know he's out there. [shows reactions of Buford, Isabella, and Baljeet respectively]

Baljeet

We are in Africa.

Buford

Pretty much sums it up.

Ferb

Well, has he been wrong before?

Buford

How wide are we willing to open this up?

[sings] Close to you [eating worms in disgust] Ptooy!

Roger

I just ain't right.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

Oh, I'm sorry. Is this Studio A?

No, this is Studio- Hey, wait a second. You just wanted to get into this episode, didn't you?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

What?! No! No!

Yes, you did!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

Yes, I did.

Get out!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

Okay. But, I can totally read that faster than you.

Out!

Okay, okay, grumpy.

Batteries not included.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

Batteries not included!

OUT!

Phineas

Oops! [Shocked] It's going to blow!

Linda

Everybody duck! [The Disney logo ragingly explodes as the raging narrator shouts at Doofenshmirtz to get out, ending the episode.]