Baljeet quotes from Phineas and Ferb

Baljeet

You may have my underpants. They just got very messy all of a sudden

Baljeet

Aagh! You can build a roller coaster in a day, but it takes you 12 minutes to pump up a tire?!

Baljeet

When do I get to go! [gets tossed a electronic die that flashes 1] This is going to be a long game.

Baljeet

[after Phineas and Ferb enter the escape tower] Legally speaking, what is our liability here?

Candace

I sure got you guys. You should have seen your faces! Only unsophisticated, immature brains would believe in monsters. Yes, it takes a mature adult such as myself to know that... there's... [sees Dr. Doofenshmirtz running from fake Bigfoots] no... such thing as... G-G-G-BIGFOOT! [runs away screaming; the kids look over and see nothing]

Baljeet

Well, I do not believe her one bit. Too much overacting.

Phineas

[after explaining the race course] Any questions?

Baljeet

Yes. Should we not establish the rules first?

Buford

This is a chariot race. There are no rules!

Isabella

No rules? Well, if those are the rules.

Do you think he'll be...

Phineas

[juggling corn dogs with Ferb] Corn dog, corn dog, yummy yummy yummy!

Okay. Where did you get the-- Mom! Dad! Thank goodness! The strangest thing just happened.

Linda

[in Baljeet's voice] Fear not. Your parents are here now.

Huh?

Baljeet

The real shock is you're just noticing this now.

What?

I'm just as confused as you are, Kevin.

Jeremy

Candace, since I have no idea what will happen next, I need to tell you something. [holds onto Candance's hands] I love you, Candace Flynn. Will you marry me?

Oh, Jeremy! I always dreamt- Wait a minute. That's it! I'm dreaming!

Jeremy

That would explain the talking zebra.

Nah, I see him all the time. This, this is actually the freaky part. And it's all just been one...big...

Dream! [pause] So none of that really happened. I never actually busted Phineas and Ferb. I am so happy.

Candace

Quick kid, run as fast as your little legs can carry you. Follow the train tracks north, you should hit Acreton by sundown. London, it's a college town. There, get a retail job and save up enough for a bus ticket to the Canadian border. Someone will get in touch with you when the coast is clear.

Candace! Is this your lake nose monster?

Candace

Huh?

Baljeet

Surprise?

You're in big trouble, young man! [snaps fingers] OK! Just a little prankster, we're safe!

Phineas

All right, who added the 'evil' flavour?

Baljeet

It's curry. It's not inherently evil. [pauses out] Maybe a little spicy...

Buford

That better not be insignificant bags of peanuts!

Baljeet

No, no, of course not sir. [he leaves; ripping and clinking noises are heard, then reappears with a plate of peanuts shaped like a cooked chicken] Here, sir. Try our Deluxe Peanut Chicken! Our motto is "so peanutty, you will not even taste the chicken!"

[singing] So peanutty, you won't even taste the chicken!

Buford

I better not taste any chicken then, loser! [takes bite] Alright, you survive. For now.

Baljeet

Oh, thank you sir!

[offscreen] Baljeet! The Patels are here!

Baljeet

[opens the door] Coming, Mish-taah…! [shocked to see that Mishti is somehow looking much older and flirterous]

Hi, Baljeet!

Baljeet

[slams the bathroom door and starts to hyperventilate; end of flashback] So after hiding in the bathroom, I jumped out the window and came over here as quickly as possible. I do not even know how to act in front of a girl! I do not even know what girls like.

Phineas

Hm. Isn't it like "sugar and spice, and everything nice"?

Baljeet

That is what they are made of. I do not want to build one. Duh!

Phineas

Y'know, I think what girls really like is romance.

Baljeet

Romance?

Phineas

Yeah, we learned all about it in this movie we watched last night. Dinner, music, candlelight, and all on a romantic cruise over the ocean blue. Lucky for you, we happen to have a ship right here. Ferb, cancel the giant bottle. I know what we're going to do today. Hey, where's Perry?

Phineas

Is everything okay?

Baljeet

If by okay, you mean that my life is a meaningless, black cauldron of swirling failure, then yes, everything is groovy.

Phineas

That's not at all what I meant by 'okay!'

Baljeet

Making changes to my schedu—

Phineas

We're building a machine to make the biggest, most durable bubble ever!

Baljeet

Ugh! Right, nobody ever asks Baljeet what he is doing.

Baljeet

[reading from a card] "Should a nerd save a bully's life, the bully is the nerd's slave for life." "Should" is misspelled.

Buford

Duh! It was written by bullies.

Baljeet

Now you can get your underwater equestrian patch!

Buford

Not if you round up a whole bunch of 'em! [gathers the seahorses together and rides them] Yeehaw!