Major Monogram quotes from Phineas and Ferb

Major Monogram

The evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz is at it again. Not only does he have 3 books about insects overdue at the library, but he's cornered the market on aluminum siding and he's holed up in his water fortress on Lake Winimahatikihaha. I love saying that.

Major Monogram

Check it out. [draws details on the hand he traced] Look! It's Agent T! [shows the drawing to Perry, who stares in shock] What? Too soon?

Major Monogram

Cheese!

Phineas

Hey, Ferb! We should build a device that projects your dreams like a movie! I'd love to see what Perry dreams about.

Perry

[chatters]

Candace

Ooh, I almost forgot! Perry was in the dream too, dressed like a super-secret agent or something.

Ferb

Perhaps that's where he disappears to every day.

Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup!

Candace

Hey, Wait, What are you doing? Hey!

Lawrence

Oh!

Linda

Oh!

Phineas

Wait a minute. What's going on? I haven't even finished my cereal!

Major Monogram

Agent P, your cover's been blown! You're going to have to relocate you!

Phineas

Ah, hey, Perry. What's wrong, boy? [pets him] You sounded like you were having a bad dream. It's okay now. Go back to sleep. [lies down and closes eyes, going back to sleep]

Major Monogram

Avert your ears, Agent P! Avert your ears!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

No no no no! Get back in there! [pushes the CD tray back in, but it comes back out again] Wait, why is it— what? [cut to Perry, who is repeatedly hitting the eject button] Perry the Platypus!? I swear, out of all the aquatic mammals I hang with, you are truly the most uncooperative.

His name is Doof, and we'll do what he says: Whoop! Whoop! His name is Doof, and we'll do what he says: Whoop! Whoop!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

It's working! It's working!

Major Monogram

Oh no, Agent P! It's stuck in their heads! We need something even more catchy to counteract it! But what could we… [Perry opens the curtains, revealing a monitor] Agent P? Agent P, this is no time for decorating— [Looks at monitor, starting Gitchee Gitchee Goo Extended Version] Ooh, I see.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

No! Not the number one requested Phineas and Ferb song! New extended version, never before seen. Not that!

Major Monogram

Great job, Agent P. You stopped Doofenshmirtz, saved the Tri-State Area, and finished the music video countdown. [at the camera] Well, thanks for tuning in, folks. We'll see ya next time. [at Doofenshmirtz, who is now trapped in the cage] Say good night, Doofenshmirtz.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

You know, someday I'll get out of this cage, but your name will still be Francis.

Major Monogram

Uh, is that all he [the robot Lawrence] can say?

Carl

The kit originally came with one default phrase.

Lovely windmill, isn't it?

Carl

Oh, those kooky Dutch!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

Wait, wait, wait... You saved her and now you're running off with her like...? OH! I have very mixed feelings about you! [to Perry] uh Perry the Platypus, how did you get here? I-I need a ride. Could you guys help me out?

Major Monogram

You're kidding, right?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

No! I have to save my daughter. This is a big deal! Oh please? Please please? Oh, please please-y weasy please please? Please?

Major Monogram

Fine. But after we get her back, you're going to answer for what you've done here, mister.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

Wait, what? You were coming here, anyway, and... [He accidentally steps on the button and water balloon is released from the rope holding it to the tower and flies up into the sky] Oh, and uh... As far as flinging that water balloon into orbit, hehheh... [puts his fingers on Major Monogram's mouth again] I did that.

Major Monogram

Seriously. When was the last time you washed your hands?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

Major Monobrow and Perry the Platypus helped me find you.

Major Monogram

Monobrow?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

Oh, come on. You got that whole thing up here. It's one straight line, for crying out loud.

Major Monogram

That's it, I'm getting my tweezers back from Carl.

Vanessa

[holds out of what it looks like to be a pistol] Hold it right there! [aims it at Monogram] Step away from evil scientist!

Doofenshmirtz

[surprised by this] Vanessa, I'm so proud of you! [Vanessa escorts him to Perry's hovercraft] You are evil.

Vanessa

I'm not evil! Just get in the car before they find out this is only a hairdryer. [both Vanessa and her father board the hovercraft and fly away]

Doofenshmirtz

This is a hairdryer?

Vanessa

Yeah, I got in Tokyo.

Doofenshmirtz

Cool. But they didn't know it was a hairdryer when you pointed at them, so that means you're a little evil.

Vanessa

Okay, Dad. Maybe I'm a little evil.

Doofenshmirtz

I KNEW IT! [burst into tears of joy, and Vanessa gives him a handkerchief] It's okay. I'm not gonna cry...

Vanessa

[smiles sheepishly] Dad.....

Monogram

[seeing the Doofenshmirtzes escape] Well, guess we could kiss that pair of handcuffs goodbye. [to Perry] Don't know about you, but I'm gonna take a review. [leaves off] See you back at the States!

Monogram

Even his answering machine gives us no clue as to where he is.

Doofenshmirtz

[Answering machine] Hello! You've reached Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz. I'm not here right now... or am I? [Evil laughing] Oh, and if you're calling about the piano, it's already been sold.

I WANNA SIIIIING! [laughs]

Monogram

I try so hard to keep you under wraps.

Monogram

Ah, the world of a field agent, out in the thick of things. Not like me. [sings] My whole world is this screen, just four walls of a rectangle. But I can dare to dream- [the lights switch off] CARL!

Carl

[offscreen] Oh, sorry, sir. I thought you were done. You want me to turn 'em back on?

Monogram

Nah, forget it. The moment's gone.

Carl

[offscreen] Oh, c'mon, sir?

Monogram

No, Carl. The moment is gone.

Carl

[offscreen] Sir?

Monogram

I got cut off twice already!

Carl

[offscreen] But, sir, you're very good.

Monogram

I am?

Carl

[offscreen] Yes, sir. I've heard you practice.

Monogram

Well, I have been practicing.

Carl

[offscreen] Yes, sir. And just like the song says, carpe diem.

Monogram

Well, you can't argue with Latin, can you?

Carl

[offscreen] No, you can't, sir.

Monogram

Alrighty then. [clears throat] My whole world is the screen... [the episode ends, and the Walt Disney Television Animation and Disney Channel Original logo appears] OH, COME ON!

Major Monogram

Oh... the Marsh Maneuver! I haven't seen one of those since 1974!

Carl

'74? You had a perm back then!

Major Monogram

Stay off the Internet, Carl!