Sean quotes from Nip/Tuck

Christian

Until now, the worst thing that's happened to this face is a rough exfoliate. I never even had a pimple as a kid.

Sean

Doesn't look like your orbits are involved, maybe just a deviated septum along with the fractured nasal bone. I'll reset it after surgery. You'll be fine.

Christian

Fine? This face? No, you gotta make it what it was before, Sean. Perfect.

Sean

I only do perfect, remember?

Sean

Tell me what you don't like about yourself. [Silence] If I'm going to work on your nose, Christian, I'd like to follow the same procedure we do for all our patients.

Christian

We're not here to talk about my nose, Sean. We're here to talk about what just happened in surgery.

Sean

Nothing happened. There was a minor mishap.

Christian

You call that river of blood minor?

Sean

Unger bucked from a bad anesthesia reaction. It's happened before.

Christian

Your hand palsied again, Sean.

Sean

No, it didn't.

Christian

Bullshit. Whatever this problem is, it's getting worse.

Sean

It's not getting worse.

Christian

So there is a problem.

Sean

[discussing Manya] I don't think this is something we can do!

Christian

Look, Sean, you may be the expert on nerve reattachment, but I'm a goddamn genius when it comes to pussy. If I build it, she will come.

Christian

The procedure is rare. This has nothing to do with your competence as a surgeon.

Sean

Or your technique as a lover.

Matt

What are you writing?

Sean

My obituary. I read somewhere that writing your own was a good motivational tool.

And what does it say?

Sean

"Dr. Sean McNamara, 101 years old, died Tuesday night of natural causes. Inventor of bipolar liposuction. He was described by his friends and large family as a good doctor, good husband..."

Matt

...And a good father.

Liz

I loved being a Catholic when I was a kid. The drama of it. The feeling that there was a mysterious man in the heavens watching out for you.

Sean

When did you lapse?

Liz

When I became a pro-choice lesbian.

Julia

He's not your son.

Sean

What are you talking about? I was there when he was conceived. I pulled him out of you when he was born. He's everything like me; too emotionally shut off, he's tuned in his head. This thing with Ava... is completely not McNamara like, I'll give you that. Is that what you're trying to say? Is that what you're saying?!

Julia

I didn't mean--

Sean

Just answer me! I am Matt's father!

Julia

Christian is!

Christian

[discussing the force majeure clause in the partnership contract] But there's gotta be a statute of limitation on this.

Sean

There is no statute of limitation for being a back-stabbing asshole.

Matt

Look, what's happened between the three of you is painful. But we can fix this.

Sean

Your mother slept with my best friend, and you were the result, and I didn't know for 17 years, so stop defending them!

Matt

Yeah, and my mother is sleeping in a hotel because you kicked her out, and I can hear you crying through the walls at night, so don't you dare scream at me!

Sean

[discussing Julia] Do you want to be with her now?

Christian

Thought about it.

Sean

Do you think Matt looks like you?

Christian

Yes.

Sean

When you masturbate, do you ever think about her?

Christian

Yes.

Sean

Did you ever ask her to not marry me?

Christian

No.

Sean

Did you want to?

Christian

Yes.

Sean

I think you're forgetting how we met. You paid for my tray at the cafeteria and then begged me to tutor you up to a 'B' in microbiology.

Christian

And that tutoring bumped your 'A-' to an 'A', doctor. You have never appreciated my contribution to this partnership.

Sean

So I have your ineptitude to thank?

Christian

No, you have my 10-inch dick to thank. Surgery is the one place where you're more of a man than I am. And you need to be better because somewhere in your twisted brian, you think that's what keeps Julia. So you work hard and you focus. And for all your bullshit about carrying me, you've never been able to leave. You can't do this without me.

Christian

We're not having a three way.

Sean

Why not, everything else has been... I'll pay, Julia.

Uh, my name's Renée.

Sean

Not tonight, tonight it's Julia [Christian blows out smoke while shaking head] ...Isn't this what you've always wanted, Christian? ...Isn't this your dream? ..To be with Julia and I here in this moment?

Christian

You're crazy.

Sean

And you haven't got the balls!

Maybe I should come back?

Christian

No.... Stay, Julia.

Sean

Call me old fashioned, but I like a girl with a few flaws and a brain.

Christian

And look at where that got you!

Sean

Actually I worked for Médecins Sans Frontières.

Christian

What?

Sean

Doctors without borders.

Christian

Oh yeah, yeah... I read about that in Time magazine. You fix some guy's cleft after walking into landmines. That kind of shit.