Christian Troy quotes from Nip/Tuck

Christian

The procedure is rare. This has nothing to do with your competence as a surgeon.

Sean

Or your technique as a lover.

Remember, We're treating a patient here, not just a vagina.

Christian Troy

That's easy for you to say. You've never been with Vagina Gina!

[referring to Sean, who's just survived a car accident] Hey, that's my patient!

Christian

And he's my partner and best friend. Why would I leave his mug in your inexperienced hands? I have pubic hair older than you!

Matt

She's the life coach my mom hired to get my grades up.

Christian

Your grades, asshole, not your dick!

Ava

I have no idea you are so puritanical.

Christian

I am a goddamn pilgrim.

Christian

I'll have you arrested for statutory rape.

Ava

Matt's 17. By Florida laws he is a consenting adult.

Christian

You certainly know your rape laws.

Ava

For someone who according to Matt has had his share of teenage girls, you are stupid if you don't.

Liz

I'm getting my kid baptized.

Christian

Over my dead body.

Liz

Easily arranged.

Christian

[discussing the force majeure clause in the partnership contract] But there's gotta be a statute of limitation on this.

Sean

There is no statute of limitation for being a back-stabbing asshole.

Sean

[discussing Julia] Do you want to be with her now?

Christian

Thought about it.

Sean

Do you think Matt looks like you?

Christian

Yes.

Sean

When you masturbate, do you ever think about her?

Christian

Yes.

Sean

Did you ever ask her to not marry me?

Christian

No.

Sean

Did you want to?

Christian

Yes.

Sean

I think you're forgetting how we met. You paid for my tray at the cafeteria and then begged me to tutor you up to a 'B' in microbiology.

Christian

And that tutoring bumped your 'A-' to an 'A', doctor. You have never appreciated my contribution to this partnership.

Sean

So I have your ineptitude to thank?

Christian

No, you have my 10-inch dick to thank. Surgery is the one place where you're more of a man than I am. And you need to be better because somewhere in your twisted brian, you think that's what keeps Julia. So you work hard and you focus. And for all your bullshit about carrying me, you've never been able to leave. You can't do this without me.

Christian

We're not having a three way.

Sean

Why not, everything else has been... I'll pay, Julia.

Uh, my name's Renée.

Sean

Not tonight, tonight it's Julia [Christian blows out smoke while shaking head] ...Isn't this what you've always wanted, Christian? ...Isn't this your dream? ..To be with Julia and I here in this moment?

Christian

You're crazy.

Sean

And you haven't got the balls!

Maybe I should come back?

Christian

No.... Stay, Julia.

Sean

Call me old fashioned, but I like a girl with a few flaws and a brain.

Christian

And look at where that got you!

Sean

Actually I worked for Médecins Sans Frontières.

Christian

What?

Sean

Doctors without borders.

Christian

Oh yeah, yeah... I read about that in Time magazine. You fix some guy's cleft after walking into landmines. That kind of shit.

Christian

Sorry I'm late.

Have a seat, Mr. McNamara.

Christian

It's Troy. Dr. Christian Troy.

I'm confused. I thought you were his father.

Christian

I am. I'm his, uh, biological father.

Matt

I have two dads.

Well, was there a divorce? Oh, got it. Two dads. Emily Willis has two mommies. We're seeing more and more of this.

Christian

Matt's father is my partner, Dr. Sean McNamara.

I understand.

Matt

They're not gay, Miss Wentworth. My Mom slept with Christian before she married my Dad.

Technically, I don't have any father figures, but Matt's living in my house and screwing my Mom, so I pretend he's my Dad.

Ava

It's true, Miss Wentworth. Matt and I are lovers. I was his life coach.

You see, Matt has a problem. He's a premature ejaculator.

OK, enough. I deal with dysfunctional families on a daily basis. And trust me, everyone has a story, and none of you are that special.