Christian Troy quotes from Nip/Tuck

Sean

You've seen how he treats women: like they're sub-human.

Liz

Hasn't stopped me from working with Christian.

Christian

Don't take this the wrong way. But you're a better man than I am.

Liz

Damn straight.

Christian

Face it, Sean, we're not college kids anymore. Your hairline is up and your ass is down.

Sean

I'll be sure to put that on your 40th birthday card in a couple of weeks.

Christian

Can you believe the shit that passes for music these days?

Maybe you should hang out here on Thursdays. It's oldies night.

What are you doing?

Christian

Exhibiting a feat of modern technological daring by programming my number into your cell. Thus, proving that I'm a modern man of my times.

Christian

Can I buy you a drink?

[commands Christian] Smile. Thanks, but no thanks.

Christian

Is there spinach, sweetheart?

Christian

I didn't realize you are a bitter lipstick lesbian. I'm sorry for taking up your time.

Actually, Christian, I love dick. Just not 40-year-old dick.

Christian

That's perfect, 'cause mine is 35. Why don't we go somewhere dark and private and you can count the rings around my trunk.

Julia

You slept with my mother.

Christian

Once. At your wedding.

Julia

Also at my wedding?

Christian

So, I see she offered up full disclosure.

Gina

I don't want my child around cheap common whores.

Christian

He's around you all the time. Oh correction, you're an expensive whore.

It might be nice if you paid me a little attention first.

Christian

First come, first served? Why didn't you say so. Saddle up.

Christian

Until now, the worst thing that's happened to this face is a rough exfoliate. I never even had a pimple as a kid.

Sean

Doesn't look like your orbits are involved, maybe just a deviated septum along with the fractured nasal bone. I'll reset it after surgery. You'll be fine.

Christian

Fine? This face? No, you gotta make it what it was before, Sean. Perfect.

Sean

I only do perfect, remember?

Sean

Tell me what you don't like about yourself. [Silence] If I'm going to work on your nose, Christian, I'd like to follow the same procedure we do for all our patients.

Christian

We're not here to talk about my nose, Sean. We're here to talk about what just happened in surgery.

Sean

Nothing happened. There was a minor mishap.

Christian

You call that river of blood minor?

Sean

Unger bucked from a bad anesthesia reaction. It's happened before.

Christian

Your hand palsied again, Sean.

Sean

No, it didn't.

Christian

Bullshit. Whatever this problem is, it's getting worse.

Sean

It's not getting worse.

Christian

So there is a problem.

Christian

Oh, there are ways. Believe me.

[referring to Christian's broken nose] Can I ask you how...?

Christian

Bedroom acrobatics.

Are you here to get it reset?

Christian

That's for wimps. I'm here to consult with Dr. Jordan about a surgical technique. She's a colleague of mine.

I couldn't believe it when I saw your name on my appointment sheet. What happened to your nose?

Christian

That's why I'm here. I broke it during a game of hoops with the boys. I'm looking to have a rhinoplasty A.S.A.P. How's your schedule?

No moles, but I'd recommend some lipo for those hips.

Christian

Are you saying I have love handles? I do not have love handles.

Not that they are noticeable to the untrained eye, but to a professional...

Christian

Hey, I am a professional, sweetheart. Don't try and sell me something I don't need. Men half my age want to look as good as this, okay? You're the one who needs work done, doctor. Lasik.

Sean

[discussing Manya] I don't think this is something we can do!

Christian

Look, Sean, you may be the expert on nerve reattachment, but I'm a goddamn genius when it comes to pussy. If I build it, she will come.