Christian Troy quotes from Nip/Tuck

Christian

Your chocolate cupcakes are looking very tasty this morning, Michelle.

Liz

Oh I get it. A straight man mentions sex, it's not sexual harrassment. It's foreplay.

Christian

I won't tell him your secret if you don't tell him mine.

Michelle

What's your secret?

Christian

That I made love to his wife before dinner.

Christian

The jig is up, sweetheart. It's time to take your little whore and pony show to a different city. Michelle told me about your escort ring.

James

We haven't even ordered the wine yet, Dr. Troy. Shall we share a bottle of Pinot Noir? I know we both enjoy the darker varietals.

Christian

I don't have that kind of liquidity right now.

James

Then I suggest you melt some of your money.

James

Then I have a proposition for you that might ease your pain. I'll knock down your first payment to something more manageable, say seventy-five thousand, if you throw in a hand-job. Don't be vulgar. I want a hand rejuvenation.

Christian

I thought vampires kept their looks forever.

Christian

I can vacuum you down to a skeleton, Dawn, but I can't suck out the white trash, now, can I? You want pro-class, you're gonna need a new face and wardrobe to go with your new body.

Dawn Budge

Are you gay, Dr. Troy?

Christian

No, but for a price, I will play Queer Eye for you.

Sean

[referring to the ring he intends on giving to Julia] It's a little out of my range.

Christian

You banged the night nurse, Sean.

Sean

I'll take it.

Dawn Budge

I wanna buy one more thing, Dr. Troy. A night with you. I need Dwight to know he can't do what he did without consequences. Basically, I want a revenge screw.

Christian

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Dawn Budge

I will pay you a hundred thousand dollars.

Christian

I wouldn't sit on the same toilet seat as you for a hundred grand.

Dawn Budge

Name your price, sexy man.

Christian

Four hundred thousand bucks gets you ten minutes. Strictly missionary, nothing kinky.

Dawn Budge

I'll throw in an extra twenty if we can do it on the rug.

Christian

I'm doing this after hours because I don't want Michelle to know. You deal with me now.

James

You're not going to tell her the sacrifices you're making on her behalf? And they say chivalry is dead.

Christian

[about her rejuvenated hands] How do they feel?

James

Clean. Untouched by time. If only you could do the same with my heart.

Christian

Free surgeries are like sex without an orgasm.

Sean

Unless, of course, the patient's name is Blu Mondae, in which case the free surgery follows an orgasm.

Christian

This is for old times' sake. Tell me what you don't like about yourself.

Can I answer that one? Cause there are a few things I don't like about Driving Miss Crazy here.

No, you can't answer that one, Evetta. If I wanted someone with an opinion, I'd have hired Star Jones.

James

Let's face it, Christian, not every man can appreciate the experience of a perfectly aged single malt. Smoky scent, sweet and salty taste.

Christian

Where do you get the balls to come on to me?

James

It's inevitable, you and I. The same refined taste, in Scotch and in women. Don't you believe in fate?

Christian

Only in Greek tragedy.

James

I believe in critical mass. Tipping points, tiny straws that can break camel's backs. You've been trying to show me who's boss for some time, haven't you? Well, now's your chance.

James

That car is worth more than $100,000.

Christian

A lottery winner once paid me 4 grand to ride my dick. That means you owe me $300,000.

Sean

Tell me what you don't like about yourself.

Christian

Just start at your head and work your way down.

Liz

I just want a little lipo and maybe some work around the eyes.

Christian

Oh yeah, that ought to do it.

Liz

Shut up, Christian.

Christian

Michelle didn't tell me her pimp had a pimp.

James

We all eventually have to face a higher power. Some are a bit more brutal than others.