Christian Troy quotes from Nip/Tuck

Kimber

On our first date, you said that I was an eight. You were honest with me. I need you to tell me what I am now as honestly as you did then. From one to ten.

Christian

I'll make you a ten again, sweetheart, I promise. I'll make you a ten again.

Kimber

I can't do this anymore, Christian. I can't be this beautiful couple who spends six hundred dollars a month on tanning salons, who takes an hour to get ready just to go to the gym, who measure people's worth by their body fat percentage.

Christian

This is perfectly normal. It's called Stockholm Syndrome. Kidnapping victims sympathise with their captors. It's a survival strategy.

Kimber

He wasn't my captor. You were. Porn was. He was just the man holding up the mirror to our beautiful, superficial lives showing me how grotesque they were. It's just ugliness hidden behind a perfect mask. How am I supposed to be with you when your job is to give everyone those masks?

Have you ever had any loving adult relationships?

Christian

Yeah, sure.

What happened?

Christian

One of them married Sean and the other... Well, it just didn't work out. It wasn't my fault. Even Sean couldn't make it work with her.

Do you know what kind of women accept not being kissed? Whores. We're not whores.

Christian

No, you're the goddamn Mother of the Year.

Sean

Buy us? We are not for sale!

Christian

We are at this price. [Edit] This man eats paper planes and shits out space shuttles.

Christian

Think about it, Sean. Look at what your 70-hour work week did to Matt.

Sean

Your genes are as responsible for that as are my work habits.

Liz

His-and-her facelifts. If this is indicative of the state of relationships in the 21st century, then I'm staying single.

Christian

And cocker spaniels all over south Florida howl in relief.

Sean

I was in the neighborhood driving by and decided to see my partner. ...Why is there a statue of a cock in the living room?

Christian

It's abstract art, Sean.

Christian

They both have physical problems that need treating. What makes his face more deserving than her tits?

Sean

And you're just a goddamn Mother Teresa, Christian.

Sean

Christian, this is classic body dysmorphic disorder. Look at yourself at the mirror, you are a model of physical perfection.

Christian

I know, but I can be better. I know I can. Would you tell a millionaire to stop making money?!

Christian

There's an epidemic of obesity in this country and it's our job to exemplify a healthy alternative.

Sean

Passing on the Key Lime Pie or that second bottle of Merlot might be a more reasonable way to set an example.

Christian

Diet? [Edit] No, Sean. We're in the quick fix biz.

Christian

How do you get that lineation in your abs there? I've been doing a thousand crunches a week and I can't seem to get mine to pop like that.

Dr. Mike Hamoui

I have protein shakes for breakfast and lunch and a light dinner, and no refined sugars. And I'm in here every day.

Christian

How do you find the time?

Dr. Mike Hamoui

Well, the hour you spend watching Sports Center, I'm in here. During your forty-five minute lunch at Joe Stone Crab, I'm jogging down the Strand. Gotta make the sacrifices.

Christian

Sacrifices? You're a goddamn physical terrorist.

Christian

With the amount of high-calorie choices available to consumers these days and the enormous portions restaurants are shoving in your face, surgery is the only solution for some people.

Liz

Standing proud with your fat-ternity brother, Christian? You can't hide behind those slimming scrubs anymore, Superchub. I saw the tape.

Christian

I don't think it's appropriate to discuss your new jerk-off material over surgery.

Liz

Oh, I didn't masturbate to your sex tape, Christian. I am not a chubby-chaser.

Christian

Oh yeah? Can you still find a cooch under that gunt? [turns to Michelle, who just entered the operationg room] Michelle, can you stop contaminating the sterile environment?

Dr. Mike Hamoui

Aren't your partner with Sean McNamara? How come he isn't doing this for you?

Christian

We are too busy to give in-house freebies.

Christian

Michelle is the kind of woman who wants to feel like a spider and I'm a helpless little fly caught in her web.

Liz

Do you think that you could teach me to be as full of shit as you are?

Christian

I thought lesbians didn't play games. I thought it was all about cuddling and sharing of depilatory cream.