Christian Troy quotes from Nip/Tuck

Christian

I've been wanting to talk to you since Faith's office. I lied about what happened in there.

Sean

I knew you didn't screw her over the desk!

Christian

No, that part's true. I mean about... What she said about the dream. About me having feelings for you. (pause) Not those kind of feelings. I never really thought I was gay. It was Faith who tried to convince me of that. I just think I have intimacy issues, y'know, with anybody in my life that...I love. I get confused and it's really hard for me to express myself. (pause) That sounded really gay, didn't it?

Sean

Yeah.

Christian

Yeah, well, screw you! Screw you! (there is a little joking play fighting between the men) Seriously, I love you.

Sean

I know. I love you too.

James

I trust you, Christian.

Christian

Wish I felt the same, sweetheart. Sorry, but even a squashed spider spins its web until its final breath.

Michelle

My sister and I used to make our own decorations. Popcorn, cotton balls for snow. Sometimes we'd take the tops off aluminum cans and punch holes through them, so the light could shine through.

Christian

From cans to crystals. You've come quite a long way, baby.

Michelle

I know, but I sorta miss making something from nothing, y'know? And the tree. We would wait til the last minute; pick up the bargain leftover. Sometimes the branches were half dead, but at least it was real.

Christian

So is this. [kisses her]

Sean

I would have been there for you. If you'd just lost your wife and kids, I wouldn't be flying to Moscow with my fiancée over Christmas on an impulse!

Christian

We're not going anymore. We're staying put with Wilbur. Look, it's all so new, you know. We need to stay together as a family, to bond. You know what it's like.

Sean

Yeah, I know what it's like. I had a family once. You were part of it. Pretty stupid of me to think that I'd be a part of yours.

Christian

[to Ms. Hudson, who is in Florida on a hunting trip] You know, I can't seem to picture you in camouflage and orange.

Well, after I zero in on my prey, I usually wear nothing at all.

Christian

Now that I can picture.

Sean

[trying to join in on a breast augmentation Christian is doing] Scoot over Christian, you don't get to have all the fun.

Christian

What are you doing here? Thought you'd cop a feel while she was under?

Sean

I just think that we should give Ms. Hudson the best treatment we can. Since I'm available, I figured I'd just make sure the operation goes as smoothly as possible.

Christian

Oh Jesus, you've gotta be kidding me. You pull this crap every time you're fragile little ego gets bruised.

Liz

Boys, boys, boys. This is why God gave women two breasts. Now each of you take one, and go play in your corner of the sandbox.

Gina

Hello, Christian.

Christian

Don't you mean ‘hello, asshole?'

Christian

I have surgery this afternoon, Sean. If I don't get my caffeine, I will fire Linda as soon as she even thinks about rolling her eyes at me.

Sean

Linda is irreplaceable. There is no McNamara/Troy without her. And there shouldn't be a Troy/Landau without her either.

Christian

You're the one I can't replace, Sean.

Sean

Burning sage supposedly cleanses the environment of bad events, bad memories. Like a divorce. Or if someone was shot in the head in the living room, that sort of thing.

Christian

[to the couple moving in] Hey, you guys might want to sage the nursery. His ex-wife screwed a dwarf in there.

Christian

You weren't exactly upfront about your past.

Michelle

Would you have been if you were me?

Sean

[about Michelle] You love her, Christian.

Christian

I do love her. But I can't trust her. Apparently, you're the only person I can trust. Absolutely trust.

Christian

Just so you know, this Encino crap ain't gonna cut it. It's Rodeo Drive the whole way. With my sizzling good looks and brilliant business savvy and your moderately impressive talent, I think we could take over this town.

Sean

Sorry, not interested. Unless I get to pick out the carpet this time, and retain my customary first billing.

Christian

I think we could work something out.

Sean

It's been 2 months without even a botox shot, Christian. So far, the only thing I have to show for opening a new practice in Los Angeles is a better hook shot.

Christian

I wouldn't go that far. Look, we both knew it wasn't gonna be easy, right? But it's not like we can start up in a strip mall, hand out fliers hoping people will come through the door.

Sean

Worked the first time we started a business together.

Christian

At 25,baby! At 40, you gotta go all out. We owned Miami, right?

Sean

Yeah.

Christian

Right? So sooner or later, we're gonna make this town our bitch, too.

Liz

You're gonna need a bigger boat.

Christian

What?

Liz

Jaws. First time Brody sees the shark. You guys are in over your heads. You're chum, being devoured by all the Rodeo Drive great whites.

Sean

Jesus, does anyone in this town not have plastic surgery?

Christian

I feel like I'm trying to sell semen at a whorehouse.