Simon quotes from Never Mind the Buzzcocks

Simon

I've never met anyone from the public before!

Simon

Thank God for you!!

Simon

Hello, and welcome to "budget, late-night indie-show" Never Mind the Buzzcocks. I'm "bitter, snotty-faced little public schoolboy" Simon Amstell, and I'd like to begin with an apology. On last week's show I upset Preston from Preston and Chantelle. I realise now they are better than me. Preston is a wonderful singer and Chantelle invented the popular saying "Oh my God!" I was unfair in my representation of Chantelle's book. It's not bad, there are some really interesting bits. (Pulls out Chantelle's book and starts to read from it) "Suddenly..." Okay! (Puts book down again) I hope we can all move on now!

Simon

Oooohhh, Vienna! And being Scottish it really does mean nothing to me! Phil's first guest is legendary Band Aid co-creator and former Ultravox frontman Midge Ure. Midge is also known for being the best mate of Sir Bob Geldof... and for his cheeky catchphrase "Where's my sodding knighthood?"

Simon

I mean, I don't want to go on about it...but if people start turning their backs on comedy and walking off panel shows...then the terrorists have won.

Simon

Thank you all for staying to the end...and as a reward, everyone gets a lolly!

Simon

I think E17 were a bit like car thieves...I think Five could have killed.

Simon

That was Babyshambles with "Fuck Forever". I find that suggestion obscene and impractical.

Simon

I don't really think that Girls Aloud are boring. Or The Kooks aren't that good. Or that Westlife are a tired and vile disease who prey on mentally ill Woolworths shoppers, who found it acceptable to cover a Michael Buble song from two years ago, and should be subjected to a marathon punching and gouging session before being stabbed in the legs, burnt alive, and then stuffed and hung in the British Museum under a sign that reads "Dead Old Shit". It's just a fun pop quiz!

Simon

Nash said that one of her one hundred and nine thousand friends on Myspace said he wanted to put a bomb up my cunt.

Simon

You may laugh, but the metropolitan police had to evacuate the area... and it was six hours before normal service was resumed.

Simon

She's so smug isn't she Kimberly? Very smug. What a bitch. What a bitch that Jessica Hynes is... comes here, with her career.

Simon

And after all that... oh, it's a tie, rendering this whole thing completely pointless!

Simon

He's got sex in his eyes but has he got song titles in his mouth?

Simon

My goodness, you're looking very.. very nipply, Kelly.

Simon

Nothing wrong with nipples! Stop judging the nipples!

Simon

Your stars are; Meatloaf. Who's uh.. wig didn't come today.