(talking to Ziva about a dead body that had been stabbed) Lizzie Borden took an ax and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one.
S8 E18Out of the Frying Pan...
[Abby is doing a reconstruction of the crime scene when McGee walks in]
Hi honey! Welcome home to your bloody abode.
[...]
[points to a computer tablet] It's been sitting in so much blood it kinda drowned the little guy.
Metro give it CPR?
They tried but I think it needs a Timmy touch.
[Tony and Director Vance are in the observation room watching Gibbs interrogate a teenager suspected of murdering his father]
I feel bad for any guy who ever dates your daughter.
Me too.
[reading from the boy's juve file] "Daddy and me had three violent altercations over the past two years. Cops had to break it up. Yelling, screaming." [looks at Vance] Sounds like one of Ziva's family reunions.
S8 E19Tell All
[Gibbs walks into Abby's lab with a scorched book from the crime scene]
Hey Abs, brought you a book.
Oh...great...you know, it's supposed to be burnt after reading, not before?
[Tony and Ziva are Abby's lab attempting to piece together the burnt pages of the book]
Tony, you're hogging the end pieces!
That's because I start with the end pieces. Haven't you ever done a puzzle before? You go out to in.
Have you ever done a puzzle before? Because you work in to out!
[laughing at their bickering] Will you guys stop? I'm trying to read here.
[Tony is hiding in a shower cubicle in a secret attempt to read Gibbs' invitation. Ziva realizes this and pulls the curtain back on him.]
Tony.
Ziva.
You're in the women's shower fully clothed and you are holding Gibbs' mail.
What's your point?
That letter's not for you to read.
I know, but there's so many questions to be answered. The happiest day in someone's life and they need Leroy Jethro Gibbs there to seal the deal? Doesn't make any sense.
Right, so be honest. Surely you would Gibbs there at your wedding?
I don't know if a head slap coming down the aisle is the ideal Kodak moment.
Cellular communication, text messaging, squeaking...
Tweeting, Doctor. Like the little yellow canary and the puddy cat. I used to love that cartoon...
[about the suspect] She's like Lisbeth Salander meets scary Katy Perry.
Tony, why are you trying to look at Gibbs' mail?
Oh, come on, isn't it obvious? The raised calligraphy, the paper that's made from a fabric more expensive than Timmy's shirt. [touches McGee's shirt collar, McGee pulls away] Sorry. [to Ziva] He got the same wedding invitation last week.
How'd you know that?
I saw it. Same fancy paper. Same fancy handwriting.
Well, someone's being persistent.
Who would wanna invite Gibbs to their wedding?
Yeah, guy's got worst wedding juju than Billy Bob Thornton and Larry King combined.
You are overreacting. I, for one, would not mind having Gibbs there when I get married.
[Tony and McGee both stare at her in astonishment]
[sees them staring at her] Hypothetically! [Tony and McGee continue looking at her] I mean, you know... when I... someday... you know, if I-- [exasperated] It is not important!
You get an invitation to Diane's wedding?
[Gibbs looks at Tony, who was standing in front of them. Tony gets the message and leaves.]
Yeah. I got three.
Three. [Gibbs nods his head] Woman always was persistent.
Tobias, she's a pain in the butt.
You going?
Are you?
[...]
You know, Jethro, if it weren't for Diane, we wouldn't have the kind of relationship that...[Gibbs looks at him]...we have.
[amused] Tobias, you've always been a "glass half-full" kind of guy.
[smiles] Never have to pay alimony again.
S8 E20Two-Faced
Sounds like you're getting pretty serious.
I am happy Ray is happy. We are meeting in New York next weekend. He is taking me to the opera.
The opera?! Wow! Does his boyfriend know about you?
You CIA?
RCRay Cruz
Just celebrated my thirteenth year, sir.
That's funny. Ziva failed to mention your line of work.
RRay
It's what I do. It's not who I am.
That's a very zen, new-agey kind of attitude for someone who instals puppet regimes for a living.
Okay. Gibbs, can I give Ray a tour?
Yeah, sure. Don't lose him.
RRay
It's been a pleasure meeting all of you.
Huh. So it's not Renaissance Ray. It's CIA Ray. He's CIRay!
You really should get that checked out. It's like a bad tick or something.
Something about this guy, boss. His smile is disturbing. I haven't seen a smile like that since Christan Bale's barely audible Batman in The Dark Knight.
DiNozzo.
Right. Back to work. (in Batman voice) It's what I do. It's not who I am. (normally) Huh.
RRay
You know, I want Ziva's friends to become my friends. She's told me how close the two of you are.
[Laughing] I wouldn't say that.
RRay
She says you're like a brother to her.
(Tony looks troubled)
Change, Gibbs. Change makes me itch. It always has. It's Agent Barrett. I'm not a fan. I mean, of change. Her I don't mind. She's feisty for someone so small, and I like that. Not that I like her, because I don't really.
Abby.
Not like I like you.
Abs. [hugs her]
I like our family just the way it is.
Nothing's going to change.
S8 E21Dead Reflection
Salads are not stakeout food.
Well, they should be. [motioning at his sandwich] At least they don't stink up the car.
[offers an onion ring] Want one?
No!
Your loss.
Did Gibbs say anything to you about Agent Barrett? You know, dating?
No.
[sighs] Are you sure he knows?
He's Gibbs. He knows everything. He did read her the riot act, though.
Well, that's not good, Tony. I mean, you should talk to Gibbs. You and him go way back! I mean, it's like the big rhinoceros in the room that no one wants to talk about.
Elephant.
Huh?
It's an elephant in the room. It's not a hippopotamus, it's not a rhinoceros. It's an elephant.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.