NCIS quotes

Tony

I've always thought that the head slaps were sign of affection. Today in the squad room I was expecting one and I didn't get it. Are you pissed at me?

Gibbs

Rule number twelve.

Tony

Never date a co-worker. [laughs] Yeah, I know. She's pretty great, though. E.J. and I have a lot in common. She's easy to be with. It's nice having someone to talk to. NCIS doesn't have any policy against it. I mean, there are married agents, and technically E.J. and I don't work together. We're on separate teams.

Gibbs

My team. My rules. [ignores phone call from Abby] Sleeping with Barrett is a bad idea.

Tony

No offense, but my personal life is my business.

Gibbs

It's going to effect your work.

Tony

No, it won't.

Gibbs

It already has.

Tony

I know what you're thinking: that I've lost focus, that I've taken my eye off the ball.

Gibbs

I depend on you.

Tony

Listen, we have to kind of cool it around the office from now on. You know what I mean?

You mean around Gibbs. He intimidates you.

Tony

Let's just say he presents a challenge. He sees what he shouldn't see. Hears what he shouldn't hear. He's like Alec Baldwin in The Shadow, and the shadow always knows.

You're scared of him.

Tony

[nods] Yep!

I'm not.

Tony

You should be.

McGee

Look, I'm just saying that I think Tony is more upset than he's letting on.

Ziva

Yes, but he and his partner had not spoken in years.

McGee

Okay, let's say you and I hadn't spoken in years, and I get my throat slit by a serial killer.

Ziva

I would hunt him down, and make him regret the day he was born. You're not just any partner, McGee!

McGee

Neither is Tony.

Tony

[reading his fortune cookie message] Love is for the lucky and the brave. Why is that for me?

Hey man, asking your high school music teacher out qualifies as brave in my book.

Tony

Wendy asked me out, remember?

See, that's why you can dress like that. 'Cause you're good-looking, but one of these days, the looks are going to run out.

Tony

I plan to be safely married by then.

Well if not, you might want to consider a new wardrobe. Seriously. Yeah, with the right clothes, you'd be unstoppable.

Gibbs

[telling Abby and McGee how he recognized a possible suspect's picture] Rule number 35.

[look at each other and smile] Always watch the watchers.

Tony

You need to get that?

Gibbs

No. My wife.

Gibbs

[phones rings again] Ah, I gotta get this one.

Tony

Is that your wife again?

Gibbs

Divorce lawyer.

Tony

Maybe being a cop isn't for me. [Gibbs smacks Tony on the head, to his surprise] Did you just physically assault me?

Gibbs

I don't have a lot of rules, but rule number five is 'you don't waste good.' You're good.

Tony

You gonna make a habit of that?

Tony

[talking about Gibbs, in flashback] Who'd wanna be a navy cop? I'd rather have the plague.

Who the hell are all these people?

Abby

Oh. These are the new guys! Gibbs didn't tell you?

Man of few words.

Abby

I've noticed.

Ziva

There is always another monster.

Tony

Yep.

Ziva

I mean, we pursue them, but we just keep making targets of ourselves.

Tony

Better us than someone who didn't sign up for it.

Ziva

I don't think I can take anymore. [steps into Tony's arms]

Tony

Hey, we're going to get him, okay?

Tony

[motions with his arm] Bring it in.

Gibbs

Seaman Derek Balfour.

Sweet merciful crap, man. Am I really supposed to remember all these names?!?

Offer me a drink!

Gibbs

It's six o'clock in the morning!

[annoyed] Float a Cheerio in it!

Why didn't he kill me? I was fighting like hell, but why didn't he do it right there?

Tony

You were a message, not a victim. Consider yourself lucky.

Levin's dead. Cade may not make it. They were my responsibility. Where exactly is the luck in that? You think Gibbs would have let Cobb leave Europe? You think any of this would have happened if anybody else had been leading the case.

Tony

Stop beating yourself up. We've all lost people in the field. You're a good agent.

Am I?

Ziva

I know what it's like to lose a team member, especially one you care deeply for. You learn there is no rhyme or reason to dying, good or bad it's just completely out of your hands.

Agent Levin died because I screwed up.

Ziva

No, Agent Levin died because it was his time. There was nothing you could do about it.

Tony

What do you mean the security camera's not working?

McGee

I told you, Tony, the system's down all over the hotel. It has been for days.

Tony

Isn't that illegal?!

Gibbs

Same M.O.: no fingerprints, the place has been wiped clean.

Tony

How could she just walk out of here and nobody notices?

Tony.

Tony

Sorry.

We're all worried about Ziva.

Tony

I know. It's just different for some of us.