Ellie Bishop quotes from NCIS

McGee

An internet security seminar? You?? Am I being punk'd?

Tony

No. Think about it. Who do you know that surfs more questionable websites than yours truly?

Bishop

Not something to be proud of.

McGee

You've a good point. That's what you get for being a misogynist. What do you get if you kick a dog? A trip to Hawaii?

Tony

Death by Abby.

Tony

You're gonna keep it as a souvenir?

Bishop

[looks at photo] Oh yeah. I've got the perfect place for it. [tosses it into the recycling bin]

Bishop

We also have his yearly salaries, favorite bands and his political positions on everything from the Middle East to Middle-earth.

Tony

Which he's a big fan of, by the way.

Abby

I can handle Middle Earth.

Ducky

All I'm saying is that you'd want to be evaluated for sleep apnea.

Bishop

It's called snoring, ok? And you did your fair share while I was trying to sleep, too.

Bishop

[catches Tony and McGee reading a men's magazine] You don't have to change the subject. I'm not the sex police.

Tony

How kind you are.

Bishop

Um, hello? I'm married. I have more sex than the two of you combined.

Tony

From what I hear, that's not how that works.

McGee

I read somewhere that NASA's sending data to the moon at 662 megabits per second. Word is, if by using each color on the light spectrum, that transfer speed could be multiplied. [Dr. Havana stares at McGee] Johns Hopkins. And MIT.

Bishop

Humblebrag.

Don't worry, I'm a Caltech man. Sworn enemies don't get extra credit.

Bishop

Aren't both of your mascots beavers?

McGee

The trainee returns. How did it go?

Bishop

[exhales] I don't want to talk about it.

McGee

That good, huh?

Bishop

I just spent the last hour on the choppiest helo ride of my life, clutching a dead body so it didn't shift, because the tie-down rings were loose. It was the high point of my morning.

Bishop

What'd we do...boss?

McGee

Please stop calling me that.

Bishop

It's not that I don't want to dress up, ok? It's....it's just that Jake and I can't agree on a costume.

Tony

Phew...marriage. Here we go. [Bishop glares at him] Halloween used to be a single guy's paradise. Now it's been twisted and co-opted into some kind of couples thing.

Bishop

Didn't know you practiced yoga.

Tony

Oh yeah, balanced mind, balanced life. I've been reading Sting's biography. He's a Renaissance man.

McGee

[via microphone] Please, I just ate.

Tony

I reject your negative energy, McGee.

Ducky

Today is a difficult day.

Bishop

It is?

Palmer

You've been training for nine months now. Nine months! Magical time frame isn't it? To think, in three months, Breena and I are gonna have our own little human [Ducky rolls his eyes] who hopefully enjoys long walks. [notices Bishop and Ducky] Sorry, this is about you.

Bishop

[to a woman looking at the snow outside the window] Pretty, isn't it?

[turns to look at Bishop] Oh, yes dear. It's just lovely. [smiles at Bishop, who returns the smile] It's lovely how it turned a one-hour drive into three, soaked a brand new pair of my shoes right down to the toes. Simply spectacular.

Bishop

Well, at least you'll be getting away from it for the holiday.

I'm going to Calgary.

Bishop

We need you to reach out to your contacts, and find out who's seeking these S-mines. We need locations on these people.

Yes, well I did some research of my own, dear heart. And I know that you're after The Calling, and The Calling's after the children.

Tony

That's right.

[taps the folder Tony brought] My mother is flawed, but she's my own. And if you ever threaten her again, my response won't be civil. I'll help you. But your efforts were wasted. I would've helped you without payment and without blackmail.

Bishop

Why?

Women and children first. It was an absolute we could always agree upon. When babies are used in the wars of men... then God help us all.

McGee

When we're done here, we gotta bag all of our clothes, ok? Everything. There's this stuff called urushiol. It's in the sap, it's spreads by contact.

Bishop

That what??

McGee

Uru–– [exasperated] Just trust me, ok?

Bishop

Bad poison oak experience?

McGee

Yeah. Two of them. Thanks to Tony. Forget the trifecta. I'll never hear the end of it.

Abby

Can we just acknowledge the brain power in this room right now? We have a forensic cyber specialist, a cyber terrorist hunter and a cyber spy

Bishop

For the last time, I wasn't a spy.

Abby

We're the cyber dream team.

Bishop

Sounds official. Do we get jerseys?

Delilah

Oooh! Or secret matching decoder rings!