[catches Tony and McGee reading a men's magazine] You don't have to change the subject. I'm not the sex police.
How kind you are.
Um, hello? I'm married. I have more sex than the two of you combined.
From what I hear, that's not how that works.
“Choke Hold” · Season 12, Episode 4
In this episode: Tony DiNozzo (3), Ellie Bishop (2), Leroy Jethro Gibbs (1), Timothy McGee (1), Abby Sciuto (1), Leon Vance (1)
I read somewhere that NASA's sending data to the moon at 662 megabits per second. Word is, if by using each color on the light spectrum, that transfer speed could be multiplied. [Dr. Havana stares at McGee] Johns Hopkins. And MIT.
Humblebrag.
HDr. Havana
Don't worry, I'm a Caltech man. Sworn enemies don't get extra credit.
Aren't both of your mascots beavers?
[McGee and Dr. Havana stare at Bishop]
[The Secretary of the Navy is waiting for Gibbs and Vance in a basement men's restroom]
SSecretary
[looks at the row of urinals] How do you do it? It's like pigs at a trough.
In some places it really is a trough, ma'am. [he and Vance look at each other] Fenway, Wrigley...
Mm-hmm, mostly stadiums.
PAgent Pendergrast
[to the NCIS team] Call me Leia
Like the princess.
PAgent Pendergrast
I hate Star Wars.
[takes offense] Nobody hates Star Wars!
PAgent Pendergrast
[smirks] You do when you're named Leia, Agent DiNozzo.
PAgent Pendergrast
[to Gibbs] If half of what I heard about NCIS is true, you guys must have something the FBI doesn't.
Who are you what are you doing here and who's the twenty-seventh President of the United States?
[flirting with Agent Pendergrast] You know what "Tony" is spelled backwards? Y not?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.