Abby Sciuto quotes from NCIS

Ziva

Hello, Abby.

Abby

[turns off her music] What the hell is wrong with you?! How could you have doubted Tony after everything you've been through together? Do you really think that Tony killed Rivkin because he was jealous?!

Ziva

Abby, please calm-

Abby

You weren't thinking, that's what! You weren't thinking! [begins pacing] Although I suppose I could understand your initial reaction. You were at an emotional time for you and for people to act rationally. [stops] But to tell Gibbs that you didn't trust Tony?! [paces] Which I guess I could also understand, because I guess he did just shoot your boyfriend... in your living room... to death. All right, I'll give you that one. [stops] But this is Tony we're talking about here! All soft and goofy on the outside and 100% rock on the inside! And after everything you accused him of, he risked his life to go save you! You should be ashamed of yourself! [paces] Even though in hindsight it is starting to make a little bit more sense now. [stops] But either way, the ball is in your court! It is Tony one and Ziva zilch! This is your move, and it had better be a good one...! Oh, God. I was so worried about you. [hugs Ziva]

Ziva

I know.

Abby

I only take orders from one person: Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Unless he asks me to do it, it doesn't get done!

I think that's going to change, honey!

Abby

Gibbs! Make this awful man go away!

Abby

This guy was a genius! He chronicled all his exploits on his phone. It's like a master's course! Six hundred pizzas delivered to the battalion CP. He reassembled a Humvee inside the officer's club. If only I had the appropriate time and space to use the bounty of ideas in front of me.

Gibbs

The case, Abbs. The case.

Tony

That's --

Abby

Uh-huh!

McGee

It's no longer in --

Abby

Nuh-uh!

Ziva

This is Gibbs' boat.

Abby

This is the crime scene! It was flown here on a C130 cargo plane along with two bodies and all the evidence, and now it is mine. It is all mine! So I can figure out the mystery!

McGee

What mystery? Who the dead guys were?

Ziva

Or who killed them.

Tony

Or how they ended up on the boat.

Abby

Sure, you guys should work on that! While I figure out how he got it out of the basement!

Tony

[on the phone] I can't hear you, McGee. I'm in the basement.

McGee

Why?

Tony

Because I don't want to talk about the case in front of Leila and the kid.

Abby

Listen, Tony, this is really important. I need you to check the seams of the walls.

Tony

The walls?

Abby

Well do they appear to be removeable?

Tony

Huh.

McGee

Abby.

Abby

Or a tunnel, maybe?! It could be hidden under something on the floor. Something that looks like it doesn't belong.

Tony

Actually, I think Colonel Hogan has got a radio in the coffee pot, but the tunnel might have been filled in.

Gibbs

What've you got?

Abby

A better question is what have you not got Abbs, and the better answer would be a Caf-Pow! I'm trying to make my own here, but I'm missing like 400 ingredients.

Gibbs

Are you all right?

Abby

No, I'm not okay! I'm not going to be okay until the power comes back on and I can run diagnostics on one of my babies. These aren't like light bulbs, Gibbs. You can't turn them on and off, and they're complex pieces of machinery that requires precise shutdown sequences. I don't understand! I mean, why does autopsy get backup power and I don't? I mean, MTAC, I get that, but what does Ducky have that I don't have?

Gibbs

Corpses.

Abby

I'll get some corpses!

Abby

What can I do for you, Gibblet? Sorry, kind of a seasonal play on your -- I'm ready, sir.

Gibbs

[hands over a phone] Turn this into pictures.

Abby

I thought you were going to give me something hard! So, what are you bringing to Ducky's dinner?

Gibbs

Not sure I'm going.

Abby

What do you mean you're not going?! Who's going to carve the turkey? Who's going to watch the game with me? Who's going to eat too much pie?!

Ducky

A toast! Close friends and dear family all. A bountiful thanks and good things for Fall!

Abby

And to all a good night! [pause] Wrong holiday.

Abby

Go ahead, taste one.

Ziva

[laughs] I'm sorry, Abby, I could never eat you.

McGee

The August 1928 issue of Amazing Stories first stirred the national imagination. It featured the Skylark of Space on the cover, and then you've got Buck Rogers.

Abby

What's really amazing is how much more fascinating jet-pack trivia gets the eleventh time you've heard it.

Gibbs

Abby --

Abby

No time for smalltalk, Gibbs, there's way too much to tell.

Gibbs

I only said 'Abby', Abby.

Abby

Well, now you've said it thrice.

Abby

Wait. Could you give McGee my hug today, because he really needs one.

Gibbs

[looks oddly at McGee]

McGee

[shakes his head] I'm good boss, thanks. [Gibbs turns around and leaves] [McGee gives Abby a look as she laughs]

Abby

Well, wouldn't Susan know? She was there, right? Are you guys sure that we can trust her, because I am not.

Ducky

And why, may I ask, is that?

Tony

C'mon, Ducky. Everyone knows that Susan's taken a little shine to McGee.

Abby

That has nothing to do with it. McGee, he's a capable investigator, but when it comes to matters of the heart he can be a bit... naive.

Ziva

Are you... talking from experience?

Abby

That's classified. Just think about his last girlfriend. She tried to kill him!

Tony

Oh, I get it. You're trying to cover McGee like a protective hen.

Ducky

Or an overprotective panther.

Abby

[shrugs uncomfortably] Okay... If Susan can't tell you who lucky number eleven is, I can. Just keep her out of my hair.

McGee

You're not going to go, are you?

Abby

Are you kidding? Why wouldn't I go?

McGee

Well, I bet he just wants to find out how many tats you have.

Abby

Maybe I have a new one that you're never going to see.

Abby

Ducky found tissue underneath our victim's fingernails. Most likely from the killer. I ran the DNA, no matches.

Gibbs

Doesn't sound much like a breakthrough.

Abby

Well, it's not, but it is helpful because all military DNA is on file.

Gibbs

Just means our killer wasn't in the military.

Abby

Uggh... Rules out Director Vance.