Timothy McGee quotes from NCIS

Tony

Define 'lost', McGee. I know exactly where we are. We're between a tree and a bush, directly underneath the earth's sun.

McGee

Well you're not showing up on the map, let me restart the scan.

Tony

You might wanna hurry. Ziva's turning in circles; either the trail's gone cold, or she's about to mark her territory.

McGee

I'm not even going to ask.

Ziva

Allow me. [To Tony] What are you doing, Tony?

Tony

Best deep in thought face.

Ziva

I guess there's a first time for everything.

Tony

[As the computer displays his picture] Nailed it. All right, Strawdog24. Beat this one. [Puts it on the webpage] Yeah, baby.

McGee

[Reading the website name] Ibeatyou.com. The place to compete online with anyone at anything.

Tony

Yeah. It's very fun. Very addictive. Look at this guy. Best air guitar. Look at that guy. Best "do the Hustle." [McGee walks back to his desk] I mean, you name it, they got it.

Ziva

The Hustle?

Tony

The Hustle. Saturday Night Fever? Travolta. [Mimics dancing in his chair]

Ziva

[Laughs sarcastically] What is the point?

Tony

What is the point of any dance? It's about letting loose. It's, you know, having a good time.

Ziva

I meant the web site, Tony.

Tony

It's... fun. It is... amusement. Light-hearted pleasure.

Ziva

I know what you're doing. I know how to have fun, Tony.

Tony

Really? Do tell.

Ziva

The Hustling and the deep thinking photos. Those are all just, you know. Child's play. Tell him, McGee. [Tony looks over in McGee's direction, as does Ziva. Both look at him oddly] McGee?

McGee

[on the same web site] Uh, I'm just working on my best psycho face here.

Tony

It's not bad, Probie. Just need to work a little bit more with the eyebrow. See what I'm saying? [Holds his hand in front of McGee as he continues making the contorted look] See how that reads? See that?

McGee

[With contorted face] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Tony

That's what you want.

Gibbs

Would you two like some time alone together?

Tony

Way to go McGee. Taking down the Fight Club champ. I'm almost impressed.

McGee

Well, I would be to, except he fell over and hit his head while he was trying to get away.

McGee

(on the phone with his mechanic) ...So, how much?

Tony

One octave or two?

Ziva

Two.

McGee

[high-pitched] $600?!

Ziva

There is no doubt in my mind you will get that confession, McGee.

McGee

[looks from her to Tony and smiles] Thank you, Ziva. [leaves]

Tony

He's toast, isn't he?

Ziva

Oh, yes. Burnt toast.

McGee

[on the phone with his mechanic] You told me my car would be ready by the end of today...

Tony

One octave or two?

McGee

Listen up, because this is what you're gonna do. You're gonna take the first estimate and you're gonna reduce it by 10 percent. Then you're going to find my part, install my part and have my car parked upfront and ready for me when I walk out of this building in 32 minutes.

Tony

Wow. Who'd guess McGee would grow a pair in a women's prison?

McGee

I put away killers for a living, that's what I do. Now you do exactly as I told you and we won't have any problems, understood? Good, clock's ticking.

Abby

Wow, McGee, your time in the big house really changed you. I like it!

McGee

[seeing a large package on his desk] Oh, goody, they're here!

Tony

Goody? Who says goody?!

Ziva

What is it?

McGee

[opens box, pulling out an old computer] This is my Mac SE. Got it for my eleventh birthday. [lovingly] She's my first!

Tony

This is going to get really strange, isn't it?

Ziva

Going to?

McGee

We're trying to make a connection between Jennings and his killer.

Ziva

Brandon Sykes. But we hit a dead end.

Tony

No pun intended?

Ziva

Actually, it was.

Tony

Well, in that case, nicely done.

Tony

Enjoy it while it lasts. Women are trouble. Haven't you learned anything from me?

McGee

Yeah, not to go on undercover dates with a doctor whose father is the world's biggest arms dealer.

Tony

...That's low, Probie.

McGee

Well, we know why Captain Jennings was playing with dolls. He was using the primitive electronics in Beary here to build an old school phreak box.

Gibbs

In English?

Tony

Oh, a phreak box. That's a tool that hackers used to use in the 80's to communicate remotely with computer systems.

Tony

What? Come on, guys! WarGames? Sneakers? Hackers? A very young Angelina Jolie in that...

Tony

Melinda. [looks into his little black book, then prevents Ziva from taking it]

Ziva

How many Melinda's do you have in that thing?

Tony

It could be the girl I talk to at the gym.

Ziva

You don't go to the gym.

Tony

Well maybe it was the girl I talked to at the dog park.

McGee

You don't have a dog.

Tony

Oh, it could have been that girl I met at the concession stand while my date was in the bathroom.

Ziva

You need a secretary.

McGee

Or a therapist.

Gibbs

Or both.

McGee

Who would want to impersonate Tony?

Ziva

Perhaps Jack Nicholson? You know, impersonation revenge?

McGee

So Tony is in charge again.

Ziva

Yes.

McGee

How do you feel about it?

Ziva

Tony is a competent, capable investigator and a good leader. You do not agree?

McGee

Yeah, I agree, it's just that he's kind of irritating when he's not the boss. When he is, he walks around with that peacock strut and that smirk. It's like -- he's behind me, isn't he?

Tony

Smirking.

Gibbs

He got scared. He found out his partner was going to meet with the agent from the original case. It wasn't DiNozzo but the killer didn't know that. If I'm him I'm wondering why my buddy is meeting with a federal agent. Hmmm. Maybe he's going to flip on me. He can't if he's dead. There's our motive we just need our killer.

Tony

May of just found him. Abby just matched a print from Renny's hotel room to one of his former coworkers. A Commander Carl Davis. Gear Up. (Ziva and McGee stare at Gibbs blankly)

Gibbs

What?

McGee

We've just never heard you say that much at one time.

Ziva

Or in a week.

Gibbs

Wasn't my job before. Come on.

McGee

Who would want to impersonate Tony?

Ziva

Perhaps Jack Nicholson? You know, impersonation revenge?

McGee

Or its a frame up.

Ziva

Jean Benoit?

McGee

Overseas, Maybe it was Trent Kort.

Ziva

Are you detecting a trend here?

McGee

Tony does have a way with people.