Ziva David quotes from NCIS

Ziva

You two are being ridiculous. Everyone's hair thins. It's barely noticeable! It's not like you're going gray. [realizes Gibbs is standing behind her]

Tony

I'm so glad that wasn't me.

Ziva

[to Gibbs] Gray can be sexy. [watches as Gibbs walks away to answer his phone and shoots Tony a dirty look]

Tony

[whispers] Lucky.

Ziva

Something's on your mind. I can see your wheels churning.

Tony

Butter churns, David. Wheels turn.

McGee

The witnesses on the ground are telling the same story. There was an explosion and the plane began an immediate descent. [notices Tony's seriousness] What's with him?

Ziva

He's thinking.

Tony

This isn't the case du jour, you know. This is life calling collect saying, "Hey, I'm short. Appreciate me."

Gibbs

There. Isolate the background.

Tony

What is that, Farsi?

Ziva

It's Pashtu.

Tony

Number nine on the David language list? Our very own beauty of Berlitz?

Ziva

I think of Pashtu as more of number seven, actually.

Palmer

I agreed to give her father a tour of NCIS while he's in town for the holidays.

Ziva

Well that is nice.

Palmer

Actually I thought Director Vance would nix the idea.

Ziva

You and Breena's dad do not get along?

Palmer

[sits on Gibbs' desk] The last time Ed and I talked was when I asked for his permission to marry Breena. He laughed. And he cried from laughing so hard. And he got really quiet.

Tony

So why is he coming here?

Palmer

Breena wanted us to bond before the wedding. She thinks the main problem with me is my job.

Tony

Autopsy gremlin.

Palmer

Yeah, if we could keep that kind of talk to a minimum while he's here...

Tony

I say it with the utmost respect.

Palmer

I know that, but Ed doesn't. He actually thinks I'm stuck in some government job which pays too little and requires too many hours.

Gibbs

[walks in] You are. Get off my desk.

Listen everyone, I don't want any special treatment. I'm a Marine first and pregnant second.

Gibbs

Oorah.

Oo-right.

Ziva

Well I will gladly take the special treatment. I like mine with extra marshmallows with a little tiny spoon please.

Tony

[annoyed] Who do you think I am? Your elf??

Actually, I'll take one with marshmallows too.

Tony

Thought you said you didn't want any special-- [Gibbs looks at him] Extra marshmallows, coming up!

[panting] Oh boy, the baby's coming!

Ziva

Gibbs, we have company. What do you want to do?

Gibbs

[exhales] Defend our position.

So much for my big plans, huh? What about your plans, Ziva? Beyond NCIS. Family?

Ziva

Maybe, someday. Though that day seems increasingly distant at the moment.

[holds up her coffee in a toast] To someday.

Ziva

Someday.

Ziva

So, EJ is gone?

Tony

And safe, for a change.

Ziva

May I ask where?

Tony

Someplace quiet, with someone she can count on. Hopefully.

Ziva

That is the word, is it not? Hopefully. Even when you think you can count on someone, you often cannot.

Tony

Do I detect a blip on the Ray-dar?

Ziva

I would rather not discuss it.

Tony

Well, since EJ and I parted friends, Agent Cruz seems to have some communication issues.

Ziva

Yeah, and I'm losing my patience.

Tony

As you well should. [walks over to her desk] You know, you and I, we have a lot in common in that respect.

Ziva

[laughs] You think?

Tony

Oh, I don't think. I know.

Ziva

Well, then I am grateful to have someone in my life who is just as romantically dysfunctional as I am.

Tony

Agent David, do you really consider me to be in your life? [Ziva looks down at her mobile phone as it rings] No. Seriously?

Ziva

What should I say?

Tony

Say hello.

Ziva

Oh, Ok

Tony

According to Abby's GPS coordinates, the killer was standing over there. Can't see any footprints.

Ziva

Yeah, knew not to leave a trace.

Tony

Yeah, unlike some people. You know, I'm gonna start charging your boyfriend minutes.

Ziva

Please tell me you have not spoken to Ray!

Tony

Okay, I haven't spoken to Ray.

Ziva

Unbelievable! You're supposed to be on my side.

Tony

Now look. The guy's desperate. What am I supposed to do?

Ziva

Just stay out of it!

Tony

Tell me what happened.

Ziva

He does not appreciate me. There.

Tony

If I had a dollar every time a woman said that to me.

Ziva

While he was overseas, you know, we stayed as connected as best as we could. Trying to make whatever we had, you know, just work. Now he was finally back and, uh, we planned this -- this lovely dinner, but he never showed, Tony. I waited in that restaurant, alone, for three hours. No text, no call, nothing. [sighs] When I saw him next, it was the following morning, and then he just said he got caught up with work.

Tony

Well.

Ziva

Look it just brought me back to when I was young how my father could be. There was always something more important and I was always left waiting for a...

Ziva

There's someone there.

Tony

Yeah.

Tony

You know, you should let McGee take care of that tech stuff.

Ziva

I can handle it, Tony, thank you. Why is this thing not even turning on?

Tony

It's okay to ask for help, you know.

Ziva

Do not need help, Tony. I am fine.

Tony

Uh-huh. I can see that. Give it to me. [She gives tony her cell phone.] Listen, don't beat yourself up. There's no way you could have seen it coming, no way any of us could have seen it coming. You'll find somebody, someday.

Ziva

I'm not sure I want to. I don't think children and marriage are a part of the plan for me right now and I am fine with that. Perfectly. Perfectly content with my life.

Tony

Content, but are you happy?

Ziva

Are you?

Tony

Detective Buress.

Sorry. I, uh, I know it's late. I just needed to hear you say it in person. You guys got the guy who killed Mia?

Tony

Yeah, it's over. We, uh, apprehended him this afternoon.

I'm not asking how, Agent Dinozzo, I'm asking who.

Ziva

His name is Ray Cruz and he will never, ever hurt anyone again.

Thank you for all you've done. Guess you Navy cops aren't so bad.

Tony

Gee, thanks. Walk you out?

Yeah, yeah sure. So, how long you two been together?

Ziva

'[laughs] Oh no, we're not a couple.

Tony

Just co-workers.

Ziva

And friends.

Tony

Yes, yes. Very good friends.

That's good. That's, uh, real good. You hang on to that. You never know when you're gonna need somebody to be there. Cherish each other, that's all I'm sayin'. Every day.

Tony

[standing at McGee's desk] This is definitely unusual.

Ziva

Unusual is the operative word.

McGee

[walks in out of the elevator] What are you two doing?

Tony

Don't play dumb, Tim. We're trained federal agents. We can see when something's up.

Ziva

And something is definitely up.

McGee

What are you two talking about?

Tony

The two computer monitors on your desk have been swapped. No one just up and changes their viewing angle. Something is up, McAnal Probie.

McGee

My monitors? That's what you're worried about?

Tony

We're not big on change around here.

McGee

Well I thought I would try something a little different today.

Tony

What makes today so special?

Ziva

We know that look, McGee. It is somewhere between melancholy and constipation.

Tony

Consternation.

Ziva

No, I actually meant that his mind looked clogged.

Tony

[going through the trash] This can't be good. He cleaned out his desk, too.

Ziva

[whispers loudly, having seen McGee approach] Albatross! Albatross! [moves quickly to the large monitor, as though working]

Tony

Petty Officer Janet McCaffrey had a spotless record.

Ziva

Two deployments on two different ships: the Ontario and the Gentry.

McGee

[looking on suspiciously] So it's finally happened: you two are snooping together, as a team.

Ziva

We are merely curious and concerned.

Tony

Well, it's nothing you need to know about.

Ziva

[mumbling in Hebrew] Unbelievable!

Tony

You finally saw The Crying Game?

Ziva

No. I got a speeding ticket!

Tony

Oh. You know what that means, McGee.

McGee

The system works.

Ziva

I was barely going over the limit!

McGee

Let me see. [takes the ticket from Ziva's outstretched hand] It says you were doing 80 in a 40.

Ziva

Not the entire time.

Tony

Did you tell them you were a federal agent?

Ziva

Excuse me?

Tony

Well, sometimes if they know they look the other way. [flahes badge] Oh, that's not my wallet!

Ziva

You do that often?

Tony

With one notable exception, I haven't gotten a speeding ticket in seventeen years.

McGee

Or paid for parking at football games.

Tony

It's a gray area. Sometimes I even get my donuts and coffee for free.

Ziva

I do not think Gibbs would approve.

Tony

What Gibbs doesn't know won't hurt him.

Gibbs

What don't I know, DiNozzo?

Tony

Um, Ziva got a speeding ticket! [looks uncomfortable after receiving a disapproving look from Ziva] And I sometimes get coffee for free. But I tip big! All right, let's have it. [receives a smack]

Gibbs

Let's go. Dead Navy captain.

Ziva

Do you ever get the feeling that he enjoys being smacked in the head?

McGee

I'd rather not think about it.

Tony

[notices Ziva pacing] McGee, what's Ziva doing?

McGee

Memorizing her speech.

Tony

Speech?

McGee

Director Vance volunteered her to speak at a high school career day.

Tony

In what language, Vulcan?

Ziva

I can hear you, Tony. I do not need you making this worse. Back up.

McGee

I think you mean back off.

Tony

Why are you so uptight, Ziva?

Ziva

Public speaking is not my thing. It makes me nervous.

Tony

Nervous? What are you talking about? I've seen you take down armed terrorists without breaking a sweat.

Ziva

I'm trained for that.

Ziva

[grumbles to herself] Why did I say yes...

Tony

To what?

Ziva

Career Day at Montgomery Prep. I'm still a little nervous and unsure of what to say.

Tony

Montgomery Prep is all-boys. You'll be standing in front of pubescent males with raging hormones. Wear something tight, they won't hear a word you say. [Ziva looks at Tony with dread]