Ziva David quotes from NCIS

Ziva

I know what it's like to lose a team member, especially one you care deeply for. You learn there is no rhyme or reason to dying, good or bad it's just completely out of your hands.

Agent Levin died because I screwed up.

Ziva

No, Agent Levin died because it was his time. There was nothing you could do about it.

Ziva

I do not know what you are investigating, and I do not need to know, but ever since we lost Levin and Franks and EJ left, NCIS has been through a lot. We have been through a lot. We need some time.

Tony

We. As you in you and me?

Ziva

That's not what I meant.

Tony

Well what did you mean then, Ziva?

Ziva

All I'm saying is, look out for yourself. Please.

Abby

[watching footage of Tony in the bullpen] Okay, he starts to turn the picture over. There!

McGee

Go two frames back. See, that looks like a woman to me.

Abby

No, it doesn't. It looks like a hairy pirate with a mustache!

McGee

You mean Tony's assignment is to kill Johnny Depp?

Ziva

I like Johnny Depp.

Abby

This isn't working.

Ziva

It is too grainy. I cannot see anything.

McGee

I don't feel comfortable doing this.

Abby

I know. We're spying. On family.

Ziva

Well, sometimes we must cross boundaries to protect those we care about.

McGee

Well, hypothetically, what if Ray was Tony's target?

Ziva

Okay, though I am confident it is not Ray, we should prepare ourselves for the unexpected.

McGee

I hope it isn't anyone we know.

Tony

How old do you guys think I am?

Ziva

Physically or mentally?

Tony

Next time why don't you just shoot the driver?

Ziva

Next time I will!

Tony

McGee's old man is the legend, right? Called him the Great Santini

Ziva

Wait a minute. He's a magician? I thought he was a Navy admiral?

Tony

The movie, Ziva. [Ziva rolls her eyes] The Great Santini starring the great Robert Duvall, who played the ruthless military pilot and brutal family man "Bull" Meechum.

McGee

Please don't...

Tony

[impersonating Duvall, who, as noted, plays Meechum in the movie] "There's those that has got 'em...and those that don't! [...] Gonads, Son! Big brass ones!"

McGee

And there it is. [Ziva smiles]

Tony

Kinda makes sense that you'd end up working for Gibbs, McMeechum.

McGee

There are similarities.

Tony

He's got big brass ones. They're like bowling balls.

Ziva

That is disgusting.

McGee

Talking about tough love tactics, Tony. The veneer of impenetrability.

Tony

The skill of turning one word into a rallying cry.

Gibbs

Gear up!

Tony

[to McGee] I guess that's two words isn't it.

Gibbs

Is something funny DiNozzo?!

Tony

No boss! Grabbing my gear!

Ziva

[phone rings] David.

Tony

Can Brett hear you?

Ziva

Yes, of course.

Tony

Are you sitting down?

Ziva

What is it?

Tony

Put on your most Mossad ninja face. No reaction. Brett is George Kaplan. They are one in the same person.

Ziva

[falsely cheerful] Oh really? So what's the plan?

Tony

Gibbs wants you to hang in there until we know more. Don't let him out of your sight, like you did last time?

Ziva

[laughs] Nice. Well, I'll wait for you to call me back then, sweetheart.

Tony

Good luck.

You have the wrong man, Ziva.

Ziva

No, you have the wrong man! This journey for freedom is nothing but a way for him to enter this country by using you and your sons!

I have lived with him for thirty years. I love him! Nothing changes that.

Ziva

[places a photo of a bombing on the table] This. This changes it.

No. No, I don't believe it.

Ziva

Then you are lying to yourself! I mean, you have to know the truth deep down. I mean, you must! Yet you allow him to lie to you. To your children.

I am protecting my children.

Ziva

They will resent you for it, Mariam.

Perhaps I had suspicions, but have you never turned a blind eye on someone you love?

Ziva

Yes, and it was a mistake.

Gibbs

Ziva, sometimes people do the wrong things for the right reasons.

Ziva

People always think the wrong reasons are right. Especially parents.

Gibbs

Well, they've got perspective.

Ziva

Parents still make mistakes.

Gibbs

Yeah.

Ziva

My mother never told me what kind of man my father was. Perhaps she thought I was not strong enough to handle it.

Gibbs

Nah, she's just being a mother.

Ziva

How do you know?

Gibbs

Perspective.

Ziva

Are you lonely, Gibbs?

Gibbs

You're never alone when you have kids. [kisses Ziva's forehead] 'Night, kid.

Ziva

Doesn't he know they do not take the trash out on weekends?! Why does he order the same stinky take-out from the same stinky place?!

McGee

Because it's the only place open on Saturday at 2am.

Tony

He's working weekends. Did he call you guys over the weekend too?

Twice.

Tony

About work that we could've done today.

Yeah!

McGee

Isn't 16 hours a day enough for him? Don't get me wrong. I love my work. I'm just not married to it you know.

Tony

Wait. I think I have a solution!

Ziva

What? A pet for Gibbs? A new hobby?

Tony

A new woman.

Borin

That is the last thing he needs. Grab your gear!

Tony

I think Gibbs and Borin make a great couple. Just think of all the fun they'd have giving each other head slaps.

Ziva

Head slaps are not very romantic Tony.

Tony

They can be. In the right context.

Tony

Ducky, what do you think? Gibbs and Borin, date mate material?

Ducky

Given their combined work ethics, they'd probably never see each other. Which could be a recipe for the world's shortest courtship or extreme longevity.

Tony

So nobody's with me on Team Bibbs?

Borin

[walks in] No.

Tony

We can change the name.

Borin

I should change the subject DiNozzo.

Tony

At least let him grill you a steak in his fireplace while watching black-and-white television. [Borin laughs] It's more charming than you think.

Borin

I'll pass.

Ziva

Ugh.

Tony

You know it's too early when there's no one even here to make coffee.

Ziva

Does that mean you made some?

Tony

Oh yeah, and I made some nice muffins too. Get 'em while they're piping hot.

Ziva

You should have got some on the way in.

Tony

Who had the time? I got the pre-dawn wake-up call after a 2:00 A.M. night, no less.

McGee

Anyone know what's up?

Tony

Oh hey, Timmy. Yeah, Gibbs wants to get a jump on Jimmy's bridal registry. Ziva's thinking his and hers salad tongs.

Ziva

At the moment I can think of nothing but coffee.

McGee

The victim is a naval reservist. Lieutenant Jason Simms, 44, from Fairfax. Witnesses say he was swerving all over the road, clearly drunk, pulled off onto the shoulder over there.

Gibbs

Did you get a time?

McGee

A little over three hours ago.

Ducky

Tony? [holds man's wristwatch up so Tony can take a photograph] 4:19 to be precise. The truck tapped his wrist, apparently.

Ziva

Being drunk is one thing, but why would he have crossed the road?

Tony

Suppressing chicken joke in three, two --

Tony

[speaks to woman delivering office mail] Hey there, Jen. You know, you are doing a great job. Keep it up you'll be a special agent in no time.

McGee

A little young, Tony.

Tony

Ease up, Nanny McPheeble. I'm just giving the kid a little vote of confidence.

Ziva

Yeah, McGee. If Tony was flirting he would be complimenting her blouse, not her work ethic.

Tony

See? Ziva knows.

Ziva

What we just witnessed here was a pathetic attempt to cultivate new sources for office gossip.

Tony

That is completely unfair!

Gibbs

Life isn't fair, DiNozzo. That's why we're here.

Ziva

What is going on?

Tony

I found fifteen hairs in my shower drain this morning. I tell you this because you're my friends and I need you. For twelve years, every morning I have counted the hairs in my drain and there have never been more than five. Never more than five. Never!

McGee

Every day?

Ziva

For the last twelve years?

Tony

You say that like it's not normal.

Ziva

Well that is because it's not normal.

Tony

What's not normal is a man of my vim and vigor going bald!

Ziva

Well, bald can be sexy.

Tony

Sure, if you're Connery or Nicholson. Would you date a bald man?

Ziva

I have dated men with thinning hair, yes.

Tony

Haha! Thinning hair, but not -- [makes squeaky noise] -- Baldy McBald. Hi, Special Agent Baldy McBald, want to go to Mount Baldy this weekend to do bald things? Bald!!