Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes from NCIS

If you need anything--

Gibbs

I won't hesitate. [MCPO leaves]

Kate

Why didn't that sound sincere.

Gibbs

You get used to it. They either stonewall or kiss-ass. To them, we're the internal affairs of the Navy.

Kate

So basically, they hate us.

Tony

Noooooooooo... [he and Gibbs look at each other] Pretty much.

Tony

The golf clubs belonged to his RIO, Lt. Lynch.

Kate

RIO?

Tony

Radar Intercept Officer. Also called a GIBs, one B - short for guy in back.

Kate

[to Gibbs] What do you need two B's for?

Gibbs

Second one's for bastard.

Tony

That's kinda touching, Gibbs, remembering the day you hired me.

Gibbs

Yeah, well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Gibbs

If that thing came off an aircraft, someone filed a TFOA report for it.

Kate

TFOA?

Tony

Things falling off aircraft.

Kate

You're kidding.

Gibbs

Nope. Navy keeps records on that sort of thing, all the way back to biplanes.

Ducky

You know post mortem details can be extremely revealing. Remember that case four years ago, where the young Marine was buried in an anthill up to his neck?

Gibbs

Duck. It was eight years ago. [Points to a body in the morgue] How did he die?

Ducky

No, it can't be eight years. No, I know it wasn't! Four years ago your third wife hit you over the head with a baseball bat. I distinctly remember the ant-eaten Marine on that table there when I stitched you up.

Gibbs

How could she not know?

We met at Mark's memorial service.

Gibbs

What'd you say? 'I was passing by, dug the music, decided to drop in?'

Pull!

Gibbs

Very nice. Very nice.

Thanks. You here to shoot?

Gibbs

I hope not. I'm Special Agent Gibbs. This is Special Agent Todd, NCIS. Lady inside said you're the manager, Randy Wiles.

Kate

Formerly Ensign Randy Wiles.

I saw the news. If you're here to talk about Mark, I told you guys all I know years ago.

Gibbs

You didn't say you were gonna marry his wife.

You talked to Mary?

Kate

I did. And funny thing, she never once mentioned marrying her husband's shipmate.

She doesn't know that Mark and I served together.

Gibbs

How could she not know?

We met at Mark's memorial service.

Gibbs

What did you say? "I was passing by, dug the music, decided to drop in?"

Something pretty close to that. I was afraid if I told her I knew Mark, she'd ask a lot of questions. I didn't think I'd fall in love with her. And then when I did, it was too late.

Kate

Bounce.

Yeah.

Gibbs

Bounce?

Kate

It's a film. Ben Affleck gives up his seat on this flight for a guy who needs to get home. Plane crashes, guy dies. He looks up the widow, Gwyneth Paltrow. He means to tell her the story, but by the time they come around to it, they've fallen in love, and he's afraid if he tells her, it'll ruin it.

That's what happened to me.

Kate

I believe him.

Gibbs

Of course you believe him. It's a chick flick. In a guy flick, you steal the money, you set Lieutenant Schilz up to take the fall, you murder him and you marry his wife.

That is sick.

Kate

It sure is.

Tony

Five years with Gibbs; I'm amazed the guy didn't end up in a strait jacket.

Gibbs

What was that?

Tony

Nothing, boss. Just praising your communication skills.

Tony

Just accept the fact that you're gonna get lost.

Kate

Why do you assume I'm going to?

Tony

Because everyone does. [Gibbs looks back at Kate] A carrier's a big and confusing place first time on board.

Kate

Duly noted.

Gibbs

Numbers are stenciled on the bulkhead. First one tells you the deck level, they're called bullseyes.

Kate

Deck level.

Gibbs

Second one, the frame number. Third tells the compartment's position in relation to the ship's center line. Last letter tells you what the space is used for.

Tony

Crossing from port to starboard to starboard to port isn't as simple as going straight across.

Gibbs

Sometimes you gotta go up one deck and down another.

Tony

Or down one deck and up another.

Gibbs

Sometimes two.

Tony

Frustrating.

Gibbs

Not to mention confusing. [smiles at Kate] But you'll get the hang of it.

Tony

After you get lost a few times.

Kate

[after she spills Gibbs' coffee] What do you put in your coffee?

Gibbs

Coffee.

Kate

Okay...I'll...just go down the hall and get you another cup.

Gibbs

That's...not coffee.

Tony

I've never experienced Gibbs without his morning coffee. We're in uncharted waters here, Kate.

Kate

....to replace me because I shave my legs and not my face is unconscionable and certainly not in the best interests of the case.

Gibbs

You claustrophobic?

Kate

No.

Gibbs

Good. [walks away]

Kate

I'm going?!

Tony

Don't forget to wax.

Gibbs

Go and un-hydrate.

Kate

I never heard it called that before.

Kate

[after an emergency blow to the surface aboard a submarine] Wow...

Gibbs

Yeah, that's what they all tell me.

Tony

Listen kid, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you're not exactly Abby's type.

McGee

I've taken care of that. Remember that urge you were talking about?

Tony

[nods] 

McGee

I went with Mom.

Tony

[stands there in shock, realizing McGee just got a tattoo on his butt to impress Abby] 

Kate

I wonder what he said to make Tony speechless?

Gibbs

He told him he got a tat on his ass.

Kate

[Gapes at the elevator McGee just entered]

Gibbs

Whale-huggers?

Yes, sir. Been doing this for weeks.

Gibbs

Why don't you just shoot them?

I'd be tempted.