Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes from NCIS

[Gibbs reads a letter from Franks] Too many years of lighting up finally caught up with me, probie.For 3 decades, I outran every bullet aimed at me. Can't out run this - not with this lungs. Only got a few months left to go. And I plan to live 'em.

Gibbs

Never one to dissapoint. Were you, Mike?

Ducky

[referring to the ringing phone] That's the third time in an hour.

Palmer

I know. I am so sorry. It will not happen again, I promise.

Ducky

There's plenty of time to turn off each other's calls once you're married, Mr. Palmer. I'd advise you not to start before you've even exchanged wedding vows.

Palmer

How did you know it was Breena?

Ducky

You're a man in love. I've been there many times myself. Though not much lately.

Palmer

It's just all this wedding planning stuff has us on edge. She's having a hard time making decisions. I'm just trying to help, and everything I say seems wrong. What should I do?

Gibbs

[walks in] Just give her what she wants.

Palmer

I have no idea what that is.

Gibbs

Welcome to the rest of your life Jim-boy.

Gibbs

Go home, McGee. You can't be professional. Go home.

McGee

Boss, I won't let you treat her like that, she's my grandmother.

Gibbs

She's also the lead witness in a murder investigation. What do you want me to do? Needlepoint my questions?

McGee

Penny had nothing to do with Lieutenant Booth's death.

Gibbs

I never said that!

McGee

What are you going to do? Break her down until she cracks?

Gibbs

Until I am done, Tim! I don't like this any more than you do, I know she's a family member.

McGee

Boss, she means everything to me.

Gibbs

I respect that. This is about murder, a guy is dead. Enough! We find what was in those papers. We find Booth's killer.

McGee

And she's the one that can tell us. She will talk to me.

Tony

McGee's old man is the legend, right? Called him the Great Santini

Ziva

Wait a minute. He's a magician? I thought he was a Navy admiral?

Tony

The movie, Ziva. [Ziva rolls her eyes] The Great Santini starring the great Robert Duvall, who played the ruthless military pilot and brutal family man "Bull" Meechum.

McGee

Please don't...

Tony

[impersonating Duvall, who, as noted, plays Meechum in the movie] "There's those that has got 'em...and those that don't! [...] Gonads, Son! Big brass ones!"

McGee

And there it is. [Ziva smiles]

Tony

Kinda makes sense that you'd end up working for Gibbs, McMeechum.

McGee

There are similarities.

Tony

He's got big brass ones. They're like bowling balls.

Ziva

That is disgusting.

McGee

Talking about tough love tactics, Tony. The veneer of impenetrability.

Tony

The skill of turning one word into a rallying cry.

Gibbs

Gear up!

Tony

[to McGee] I guess that's two words isn't it.

Gibbs

Is something funny DiNozzo?!

Tony

No boss! Grabbing my gear!

Gibbs

Ziva, sometimes people do the wrong things for the right reasons.

Ziva

People always think the wrong reasons are right. Especially parents.

Gibbs

Well, they've got perspective.

Ziva

Parents still make mistakes.

Gibbs

Yeah.

Ziva

My mother never told me what kind of man my father was. Perhaps she thought I was not strong enough to handle it.

Gibbs

Nah, she's just being a mother.

Ziva

How do you know?

Gibbs

Perspective.

Ziva

Are you lonely, Gibbs?

Gibbs

You're never alone when you have kids. [kisses Ziva's forehead] 'Night, kid.

Tony

Is it possible we've done something right for Gibbs? What if it upsets the space-time continuum and sends the earth hurtling towards the sun?

Tony

Boss, we found the perfect woman for you and we would like you to ask her out.

Gibbs

Who? [points to screen] Dusty? Nice lady. Great cook.

Tony

[stares at Gibbs] Did you read that on the screen?

Gibbs

No. I dated her.

McGee

So what was wrong with her, Boss?

Gibbs

Nothing. She's perfect.

Borin

Perfect. What happened?

Gibbs

There's nothing more boring than perfect. [laughs, they all stare at him]

McGee

The victim is a naval reservist. Lieutenant Jason Simms, 44, from Fairfax. Witnesses say he was swerving all over the road, clearly drunk, pulled off onto the shoulder over there.

Gibbs

Did you get a time?

McGee

A little over three hours ago.

Ducky

Tony? [holds man's wristwatch up so Tony can take a photograph] 4:19 to be precise. The truck tapped his wrist, apparently.

Ziva

Being drunk is one thing, but why would he have crossed the road?

Tony

Suppressing chicken joke in three, two --

Tony

[speaks to woman delivering office mail] Hey there, Jen. You know, you are doing a great job. Keep it up you'll be a special agent in no time.

McGee

A little young, Tony.

Tony

Ease up, Nanny McPheeble. I'm just giving the kid a little vote of confidence.

Ziva

Yeah, McGee. If Tony was flirting he would be complimenting her blouse, not her work ethic.

Tony

See? Ziva knows.

Ziva

What we just witnessed here was a pathetic attempt to cultivate new sources for office gossip.

Tony

That is completely unfair!

Gibbs

Life isn't fair, DiNozzo. That's why we're here.

Diane

Would you tell Tobias that I never meant to hurt him?

Gibbs

Oh yeah. He knows. I think.

Diane

I really liked him, but I never should have married him. I didn't love him. Just like you never loved me.

Gibbs

I liked you. I still do.

Diane

But the only woman you'll ever love is Shannon. You were my Shannon, Leroy. [walks away]

Gibbs

I'm not sure how to say this...

I do. Look, we are not your personal buddy-cop investigative service.

Diane

No, you're just my ex-husbands. And I need your help.

Diane

Victor and I have a good relationship.

Diane

He knows how to treat a woman. [Fornell looks at Gibbs] He's not afraid to show emotion like some people.

[sarcastically to Gibbs] She talking about us?

Diane

He's not some immature child that relates better to guns than to people...

Gibbs

[hands up] Okay, okay. We get it.

Victor

[relieved] Diane, I am so glad to see you!

Diane

[angrily] You get the hell away from me! $2 million and I've been worrying about how to pay the mortgage?!

Gibbs

You're on your own.

Gibbs

[rolls over in bed to hug Shannon] Looks like morning happened again.

What's the plan today?

Gibbs

I'm thinking of going to the hardware store.

Have they invented a tool you don't have in that basement of yours?

Gibbs

[smiles] I need supplies.

[laughs] That's what I like to hear. I love it when you start something new. What do you have in mind?

Gibbs

I'll let the wood tell me.

I hope the wood says rolltop desk. [moves to get out of bed]

Gibbs

[pulls her back] I changed my mind. I'll stay in bed all day with you. The hardware store will be there tomorrow.

How are you going to get what you need if you don't let me go?

Gibbs

There. Isolate the background.

Tony

What is that, Farsi?

Ziva

It's Pashtu.

Tony

Number nine on the David language list? Our very own beauty of Berlitz?

Ziva

I think of Pashtu as more of number seven, actually.

Gibbs

People died because of that teacher, marines. What do you think should happen to her?

Sir, that's not my decision.

Gibbs

Yeah, but you've thought about it, right?

She should be held accountable for her crimes.

Gibbs

Oh.

She should watch those girls change the world in positive ways she never imagined.

Gibbs

That a punishment?

That's a gift, Sir. Punishment is knowing she could have done the same.