Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes from NCIS

Tony

So something interested here here, huh?

Gibbs

There's a couple of options, but I like this desk. Old growth wood. Craftsman made.

Ziva

[gasps] It belonged to William Faulkner! I love his writing!

Tony

Total genius.

Ziva

Yes! It was worth learning English just for The Sound and the Fury, or that chapter in As I Lay Dying. You know, the one with the five words where Vardaman says "My mother is a fish!"

Tony

I don't really like his books much, but I'm a big fan of the movies he made based on other people's books. Like The Big Sleep and To Have and Have Not. I mean, he gave us Bogey and Bacall. God bless you, William Faulkner.

Gibbs

What do you got?

Abby

Other than my respect and adulation for human's ability to engineer teeny, tiny parts made of nothing but sand?

Gibbs

[looking down at a touchpad computer] Is it dead or alive?

Abby

It's neither. It's like a zombie, Gibbs; if you don't kill the brain, it doesn't die.

Gibbs

Hey Abs, brought you a book.

Abby

Oh...great...you know, it's supposed to be burnt after reading, not before?

You get an invitation to Diane's wedding?

Gibbs

Yeah. I got three.

Three. [Gibbs nods his head] Woman always was persistent.

Gibbs

Tobias, she's a pain in the butt.

You going?

Gibbs

Are you?

You know, Jethro, if it weren't for Diane, we wouldn't have the kind of relationship that...[Gibbs looks at him]...we have.

Gibbs

[amused] Tobias, you've always been a "glass half-full" kind of guy.

[smiles] Never have to pay alimony again.

Gibbs

You CIA?

Just celebrated my thirteenth year, sir.

Tony

That's funny. Ziva failed to mention your line of work.

It's what I do. It's not who I am.

Tony

That's a very zen, new-agey kind of attitude for someone who instals puppet regimes for a living.

Ziva

Okay. Gibbs, can I give Ray a tour?

Gibbs

Yeah, sure. Don't lose him.

It's been a pleasure meeting all of you.

Tony

Huh. So it's not Renaissance Ray. It's CIA Ray. He's CIRay!

McGee

You really should get that checked out. It's like a bad tick or something.

Tony

Something about this guy, boss. His smile is disturbing. I haven't seen a smile like that since Christan Bale's barely audible Batman in The Dark Knight.

Gibbs

DiNozzo.

Tony

Right. Back to work. (in Batman voice) It's what I do. It's not who I am. (normally) Huh.

Abby

Change, Gibbs. Change makes me itch. It always has. It's Agent Barrett. I'm not a fan. I mean, of change. Her I don't mind. She's feisty for someone so small, and I like that. Not that I like her, because I don't really.

Gibbs

Abby.

Abby

Not like I like you.

Gibbs

Abs. [hugs her]

Abby

I like our family just the way it is.

Gibbs

Nothing's going to change.

Tony

I've always thought that the head slaps were sign of affection. Today in the squad room I was expecting one and I didn't get it. Are you pissed at me?

Gibbs

Rule number twelve.

Tony

Never date a co-worker. [laughs] Yeah, I know. She's pretty great, though. E.J. and I have a lot in common. She's easy to be with. It's nice having someone to talk to. NCIS doesn't have any policy against it. I mean, there are married agents, and technically E.J. and I don't work together. We're on separate teams.

Gibbs

My team. My rules. [ignores phone call from Abby] Sleeping with Barrett is a bad idea.

Tony

No offense, but my personal life is my business.

Gibbs

It's going to effect your work.

Tony

No, it won't.

Gibbs

It already has.

Tony

I know what you're thinking: that I've lost focus, that I've taken my eye off the ball.

Gibbs

I depend on you.

Gibbs

[telling Abby and McGee how he recognized a possible suspect's picture] Rule number 35.

[look at each other and smile] Always watch the watchers.

Tony

You need to get that?

Gibbs

No. My wife.

Gibbs

[phones rings again] Ah, I gotta get this one.

Tony

Is that your wife again?

Gibbs

Divorce lawyer.

Tony

Maybe being a cop isn't for me. [Gibbs smacks Tony on the head, to his surprise] Did you just physically assault me?

Gibbs

I don't have a lot of rules, but rule number five is 'you don't waste good.' You're good.

Tony

You gonna make a habit of that?

Gibbs

Seaman Derek Balfour.

Sweet merciful crap, man. Am I really supposed to remember all these names?!?

Offer me a drink!

Gibbs

It's six o'clock in the morning!

[annoyed] Float a Cheerio in it!

Tony

What do you mean the security camera's not working?

McGee

I told you, Tony, the system's down all over the hotel. It has been for days.

Tony

Isn't that illegal?!

Gibbs

Same M.O.: no fingerprints, the place has been wiped clean.

Tony

How could she just walk out of here and nobody notices?

Tony.

Tony

Sorry.

We're all worried about Ziva.

Tony

I know. It's just different for some of us.

Ducky

'Cause he's no longer about method or clue-trail gamemenship, Mr. Palmer. It's about hurting those responsible for putting him in this situation.

Palmer

Situation?

Gibbs

Operation: Frankenstein.

Vance

Good morning, Mr. Secretary.

Like hell it is, Leon. This better be damn important!

Gibbs

Agent's dead. Another critical. I don't know how much more important it can get.