Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes from NCIS

Gibbs

What the hell were you thinking?!

Palmer

I did not get out of the car.

Ducky

Mr. Palmer, tell Gibbs he can send in the B-team.

Gibbs

Implies there's an A-team, Duck.

Ducky

Isn't there?

Gibbs

Anything else?

Abby

A number.

Gibbs

One, two, six?

Abby

One hundred and twenty six. That is the number of days that Tony, McGee and Ziva have been gone. I really didn't think you'd let it get into triple digits, Gibbs! But now it's way more! It's like a third of a whole year! I miss them!

Gibbs

Abby, you had lunch with McGee yesterday.

Abby

It's not the same. I miss them collectively, as a group. My three musketeers.

Tony

[talking on the webcam to McGee, he puts on a pirate-ish Irish accent] Ah, life in the ocean blue, me hearties. If the scurvy don't get you, the pox will. And tell me this, me little McShipmate, how is that scurrilous, blackhearted, pirate king of ours, Captain One-Shot Gibbs?

Gibbs

[walking on-sceen, but Tony can see him.] I'm just fine, DiNozzo.

Tony

[startled] Oh! Um... ah. [headslaps himself] There you go, boss. Welcome aboard.

Gibbs

Got work to do.

Tony

I'm on it, boss. What am I on, McGee?

McGee

Are you alone?

Tony

Oh, yeah! Just me and 5000 of my closest friends. I AM NEVER ALONE! [looks over shoulder, then whispers] I really need to come home, boss.

Gibbs

Working on it.

Gibbs

[About the victim] Sleeping?

Ducky

Well there are other reasons why men take their clothes off to go to bed, Jethro.

Gibbs

Any evidence of that?

Palmer

Well he did come to a sticky end. [Awkward silence.] I'll go get the gurney.

Gibbs

Abby, what are you doing?

Abby

A boundary has been crossed. I've been violated. Nothing is sacred anymore.

Gibbs

Yeah? Tell me.

Abby

Someone stole my cupcake.

Gibbs

Are you waiting for the train, too? [she nods] We could sit together.

I don't know. It's a long ride, but I guess you're not a lumberjack.

Gibbs

No.

I have a rule. It's either rule number one or number three: never date a lumberjack.

Gibbs

You got a rule for everything?

I'm working on it. Everyone needs a code they can live by. What's your name?

Gibbs

Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

I'm just gonna call you Gibbs.

Gibbs

You can call me anything you want.

I'm Shannon.

McGee

So when was the last time you went home?

Gibbs

I make it a point to go home every night.

You know, if you had a little tennis ball buzzcut, instead of all that salt and pepper, you'd remind me of this skinny little wiseass I used to know.

Gibbs

[chuckles] How you been, Ed?

Ziva

[to Gibbs, points to a Winchester rifle on the wall] Is that the gun you learned to shoot with?

No one was ever allowed to touch that Winchester.

Let that be a lesson in parenting. Tell a kid he can't have a rifle and he grows up to be a sniper.

Everybody's always lying to you, all the time. Can't you ever just take things as you see 'em?

Leroy Jethro Gibbs

I see people lying to me!

[sighs] You were such a happy child.

McGee

Boss, I talked to Tony and Abby...

"Boss"? [to Jethro] You make them call you that? [to McGee] He's not a...! [catches himself] Are you a boss, Leroy?

Gibbs

You enjoying yourself, Abs?

Abby

Yes!!! [looking at Gibbs] But you're not. Sorry.

Gibbs

Thanks, Abs. You can go back to your mold now.

Abby

Aw, Gibbs. You say the sweetest things.

Tony

[as Norman Bates] My mother isn't quite herself today... [to Ziva, explaining] Psycho.

Ziva

You certainly have your moments!

Tony

A movie, Ziva.

Tony

[as Norman Bates] Blood, blood!

Ziva

[to Gibbs] Psycho.

Gibbs

He has his moments.

Tony

[whispering] Run for your life, Probie! Run!

McGee

What are you doing?

Tony

Just trying to save your life!

McGee

What did you do?

Tony

[laughs indignantly] Why do you assume it's me...? That's a good point, but in this case, actually...

Ziva

MCGEE!

Tony

Too late.

McGee

[sees Ziva] Why is she sitting at my...?

Tony

You're on your own, Probie.

Ziva

McGee, get in here!

Tony

Plead temporary insanity, it's your best bet.

Ziva

What did I tell you, McGee?

McGee

Uh, about what?

McGee

Uh...

Ziva

I told you to destroy those, twice!

McGee

I did! I did... No, I, I didn't, um, Tony, Tony, Tony must've...

Ziva

What? When you went to get coffee? You did not erase those photos, did you? Hmm? Admit it and I will spare you one of your eyes!

McGee

...I did not erase those photos.

McGee

I think I know what happened. I-I-I-I just deleted my old screensaver, and theoretically the operating system could have defaulted to the photo directory, but, you know, the odds...

Ziva

Today's not your lucky day.

Tony

It is Halloween later this week.

McGee

And I did see a black cat this morning...! Well, it was, it was dark brown.

Ziva

[whispering] Give me your hand.

Gibbs

[entering] Better than losing an eye, McGee.