Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes from NCIS

Taylor's phone was just activated, we're tracking it now.

Welcome to the club. I wouldn't say it's a fun one.

Gibbs

You sound tired, DiNozzo.

We're following Ziva, even the dogs are tired.

S5 E9 Lost and Found

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[As Tommy Lee Jones] All right, listen up, people. Our fugitive has been on the run for ninety minutes.

It has been three hours, Tony.

Average foot speed over uneven ground, barring injuries, is 4 miles per hour.

He's not on foot, he's in a car!

What I need out of each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in the area. Our fugitive has a name. And it is...

Gibbs

Corporal Damon Werth.

Hey, the Tommy Lee Jones speech... every time we have a fugitive? Really?

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What were you having feelings about? You just said you were having feelings.

I said that I have feelings, not that I am having feelings.

That is a pretty sophisticated grammatical differentiation.

Don't change the subject with your big words, McNerd. Ziva says she had a feeling. Tell us about this feeling. What was this feeling?

I felt... overwhelmed. Temporarily. Which does not often happen to me. When we were wrestling with Werth.

[Tony and McGee look at each other]

What? What is this look?

Nothing. [Ziva goes back to working, Tony and McGee smile] You like him.

He was powerful.

You really like him

No I am saying he is stronger than any man I have encountered. But strength should not decide a battle. There is a weapon for every fight.

You itchin' for a rematch?

Wanna roll around on the ground with him some more?

I am trying to describe something -- complicated.

It's not complicated, Ziva. It's Conan.

To her Red Sonja.

Nice.

It only lasted a moment.

You had a moment. A moment and a feeling. And a smack to the head, broken nose, dislocated shoulder. It's been a banner day.

Gibbs

Easy on the painkillers, DiNozzo.

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Gibbs

You got yourself in a mess, Corporal. Gonna have to get yourself out of it. What seems to be the problem? [hunches down and bellows directly into Werth's ear] WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM, MARINE?

WWerth

[snaps upright] I want to kill someone, sir!

Gibbs

Anyone in particular?

WWerth

Anyone will do, sir!

Gibbs

Does that feel right to you, son?

WWerth

No, sir. It does not. I'm not right, sir. But it's not my fault.

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Gibbs

All you care about is selling the war.

RRay

You don't support the war?

Gibbs

I support the men fighting it.

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Gibbs

Have I come at a bad time?

BLBrent Langer

Jethro! [he and Gibbs hug while Jenny stares at them] How are you?

Gibbs

How'd they let you in here, newbie?

LLanger

Ah man, it's been a long time.

You two know each other. How nice.

Gibbs

Taught him everything he's forgotten.

LLanger

I thought you retired.

Gibbs

I tried.

LLanger

Ah, well, you look good, old man. Hey, listen sorry about our inconvenient convergence here.

Gibbs

What?

LLanger

[Jenny stares at him] Gibbs used to fine me for every $3 word I used.

How much?

LLanger

$3 a word.

Gibbs

You owe me six.

LLanger

See? [hands some dollar bills to Gibbs]

Marines?

LLanger

No, actually I started here. Gibbs took me under his wing and then proceeded to crush me.

Gibbs

[smiles] Nothing you didn't deserve.

LLanger

Left me with no choice but to crawl over to the FBI.

Gibbs

Yeah! And they actually hired you!

LLanger

Yeah, can you believe that?

S5 E11 Tribes

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Gibbs

Get him.

Got him.

Good.

S5 E11 Tribes

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Abby

(To the dog) Who's a good Jethro?

Gibbs

(Enters Abby's lab, she doesn't see) I'm a good Jethro.

Abby

Don't be mad, be flattered. He's just so strong and handsome and silent, so I decided to call him Jethro.

S5 E13 Dog Tags

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Or maybe it's another one of his victims and he's confessing.

Gibbs

Or maybe it's his lunch.

Ducky

Only if he was a cannibal, Jethro.

[Jethro (the dog), barks twice.]

Ducky

I wasn't talking to you. And you may want to cover your eyes. (to Gibbs) What's here is not human... it's canine.

[Jethro whines pitifully and Abby covers his eyes.]

S5 E13 Dog Tags

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[Gibbs and Ziva are in Kelvin Ridgeway's office interviewing him]

RRidgeway

We just didn't see eye to eye, ya know? He'd just complain to his wife about me and I'd complain to my girlfriend about him. Like I would assume you [points to Gibbs] complain to your wife about this one. [throws his stress ball at Ziva, who promptly catches it]

Gibbs

Her? Ha! [laughs] Oh no, I wouldn't mess with her!

[He gets up at leaves. Ziva throws back the stress ball, which has been mashed into an unrecognizable shape, and leaves. Ridgeway looks at the ball in disbelief]

S5 E15 In The Zone

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GSGeorge Stenner

[desperately] Can I, just, please go to the bathroom really quick?

Gibbs

No.

GSGeorge Stenner

[Stenner looks at him in dismay] Okay.

Gibbs

Nah, I'm kidding. You can go.

S5 E15 In The Zone

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Look. If you're going to give me a lecture on my bad judgment, I don't need to hear it.

Gibbs

Is that what this is about? You doubting your judgment?

I should've moved earlier.

Gibbs

You would've if you could've.

I left it too late.

Gibbs

You still took him out.

I almost died.

Gibbs

But you didn't. You've got to trust your judgment, Ziva. Moment you don't, it won't be "almost."

S5 E16 Recoil

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[McGee and Ziva are playing Scrabble]

Hey, what's going on here? Did I get off on the wrong floor, I thought this was an office.

Officer David and I are engaged in a linguistic developmental exercise intended to bolster her English vocabulary.

[chuckles] That's good. Do you think Gibbs will buy it?

It is not my vocabulary that needs bolsterment, McGee.

Not a word. Hence the scoreboard.

[chuckles] Yeah, 50-point cushion for the professor. And there's only one tile left to play.

[smiles] Gonna be kind of tough to play that 'q' without a 'u'.

You peeked!

Did not. Process of elimination, I counted the tiles on the board.

You suck the fun out of everything, McCheat. [Ziva suddenly looks in thought] Give it up, Ziva.

[Ziva takes her Q tile and plays it in front of an I.]

[frowns and stares at the board] "Kwee"? I don't think so.

[smiles] Chi. As in life energy that flows through all things.

You should have seen that one coming, Probie Wan Kenobi.

No....

[laughs] Sixty-two points!!!

Jedi wins.

I'm challenging!

Gibbs

[walking in] You all are! Grab your gear. Playtime's over.

[McGee panics, opening Ziva's drawer and dumping the tiles and board in, haphazardly sweeping the ones on desk to the floor as she gives him an odd look and the team gets ready to go.]

Uhh... that was a, uh, language exercise we weren't actually playing.

So he didn't actually lose.

Correct!

Gibbs

So he wasn't actually humiliated.

[Ziva and Tony look at each other and chuckle on their way out.]