Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes from NCIS

I can't believe it.

Gibbs

What?

I'm Director of NCIS less than 24hrs and I'm back on the street!

Gibbs

(smiles) Great isn't it!?

No Jethro! It isn't!

Gibbs

(flirting) Come on. Come on. You love it!

Truthfully? I'd rather be in bed! (Gibbs looks at her surprised then she notices the look and adds quickly) Sleeping.

Gibbs

Do you remember that stakeout in Marseilles? August, stuck in that attic with no-one. Photographing everyone that boarded that Lebanese trawler. (she looks away from him knowing what comes next in his recollection)That second night was the first time we...

(cutting him off, blushing) Okay! (She covers his mouth the whispers embarrased) Shut up!

Tony

Well, that's nice. You know what's even nicer? My current view [looks down Paula's blouse] Victoria's Secret? Agent Cassidy.

Paula

Well you enjoy it as long as you can Agent DiNozzo [Gibbs walks up behind her and Tony sees him and shys away] Cuz that's as close as you're gonna get.

Gibbs

Agent Cassidy. Go see how many victims Abby id'd from the scrapbook

Tony

I'll go help her. [gets up]

Gibbs

Wait.

Tony

What was that for?!

Gibbs

Letting her get to you!

Tony

Boss, I was not letting her get to- It won't happen again.

He's carving your name on her back right now.

Gibbs

Game's over. Back to the death row.

Gibbs! Gibbs! The governor call yet? 'Cause they're not gonna kill me now. I'm the only one who can identify the killer. Hey, you think she screamed when he cut out her tongue, Jethro?

Gibbs

I don't know. Why don't you ask her yourself? [a battered but clearly alive Paula Cassidy enters the corridor and Boone's eyes widen]

Paula

I'm afraid your lawyer's gonna miss your execution tomorrow.

Tony

He's kinda dead. [Boone is speechless]

Gibbs

Enjoy hell.

Jenny

She seems to be fitting in well.

Gibbs

She almost killed my entire team yesterday.

Jenny

How?

Gibbs

Driving home from a crime scene.

Jenny

I should have warned you. I think she was an Eastern European cab driver in a past life.

Gibbs

While you're here, you will be an observer. Hand over all your weapons.

Ziva

You're kidding, right?

Gibbs

And your back-up.

Ziva

What back-up?

Gibbs

Left leg.

Ziva

Oh. That one. [removes ankle holster]

Gibbs

And the knife concealed at your waist. [Ziva removes the knife and hands it to him as well; Gibbs gives it back] That, you can keep. [quietly, in Ziva's ear] I just wanted you to know that I know.

Tony

Remind me never to piss her off.

Gibbs

Oh, DiNozzo, you have no idea.

Gibbs

I trust you, you know that, but when we leave this elevator..

Ziva

You start kicking my butt.

Gibbs

I don't kick butt. (turns elevator back on and head slaps Ziva, they both laugh)

Gibbs

You're coming along, strictly as an observer. Hand over all your weapons.

Ziva

Is that really necessary? Alright.

Gibbs

And your back-up.

Ziva

What back-up?

Gibbs

Left leg.

Ziva

Oh. That one. [removes ankle holster]

Gibbs

And the knife concealed at your waist. [Ziva removes the knife and hands it to him as well; Gibbs gives it back] You keep this. [quietly, in Ziva's ear] I just wanted you to know that I know.

Ziva

(facing the monitor) A marine dressed in civil war uniform is shot by a musket and is then buried alive in a 230 year old casket (turns to face to Tony and McGee who are stuffing their faces) and you're telling me this isn't your strangest case?

Tony

(with his mouth full) Yep!

McGee

(with his mouth full) Pretty much!

Ziva

I don't know which is more disturbing! Your eating habits or the fact that I believe you!

Tony

I'm sorry! Do our strange American foods frighten you?

McGee

(laughs)

Ziva

Not at all, I was referring to your manners! You should have bought me one! (leans over and takes a bit of Tony's wrap) Mm!

McGee

(hurriedly) I'm gonna go help Abby!

Tony

(passes his wrap to her and spits out his unswallowed mouthful)

Jenny

She seems to be fitting in well.

Gibbs

She almost killed my entire team yesterday.

Jenny

How?

Gibbs

Driving home from a crime scene.

Jenny

I should have warned you. I think she was an Eastern European cab driver in a past life.

Ziva

Just to be clear, are there any more of these rules I should be aware of?

Gibbs

About fifty of them.

Ziva

And I don't suppose they're written down anywhere that I could--

Gibbs

No.

Ziva

Then how am I supposed to--

Gibbs

My job is to teach them to you!

Abby

I have some good news and some bad news. Good news: I'm still cute. Bad news: The bomb squad got a little trigger-happy. [holds up bag of bomb fragments] Do you have any idea what's beyond "smithereens"?

Gibbs

Not a clue.

Abby

Neither do I.

Abby

Are you going home?

Ziva

Not yet. I thought I might be able to help you with... [gestures to evidence] ...that.

Abby

[scathingly] Really? Do you have a degree in forensic science?

Ziva

No, but I'm very good at jigsaw puzzles.

Abby

[softening a bit] Huh. We'll see.

Ziva

Don't be embarrassed Tony, I find the taste of honeydust to be extremely erotic.

Tony

What a coincidence, so do I.

Gibbs

(head slaps Tony) I don't.

Ziva

You really believe this is an obsessed voyeur? The women identity's were protected by masks.

Gibbs

Half a mask.

Ziva

Still, the odds of finding him off a list that size...

Gibbs

Are better than the odds of you winning this argument.

Gibbs

What do you have Abs?

Abby

A PhD in porn. I spent the last six hours searching through webcam files trying to find some kind of lead and I have consumed more porn than Tony has in his lifetime. OK maybe not, but I have watched a lot of smut.

Gibbs

You learn anything?

Abby

I'm not nearly as flexible as I should be.

Gibbs

Anything about the case?

Always admired your way with children. Ever think to have any of your own?

Gibbs

That an offer, Jen?