Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes from NCIS

McGee

Boss, I can't call! They're not gonna be able to hear me!

McGee

I'm gonna use the computer.

Abby

Gibbs, look who else doesn't have a life. Tony came back around midnight.

Gibbs

He does his best work at night.

Abby

(smirks) So he tells us. There's Tony leaving... that's Ben, the mail-boy. He didn't do it.

Gibbs

How do you know?

Abby

(shocked) He's a Vegan.

Gibbs

Hitler was a Vegan.

Abby

Hitler was a vegetarian, big difference! Vegans are so against cruelty they won't even use cosmetics tested on animals.

Abby

This is one smart bitch.

Wash your mouth with purple soap.

Abby

Cassie... wow! Are you suppressing drugs, or, um... selling them?

Working under cover. Everything here is confiscated, even the La Perla underwear.

Abby

Nice.

Gibbs, is that you playing Teletubbie? This the anthrax letter?

Abby

No it's not anthrax, it's plague.

Thank god, Anthrax scares the hell outta me. May I?

Abby

Yeah.

[looks] I know that return address. This is too easy, Gibbs. Paper that's traceable...

Gibbs

You know who sent it?

No, but I know who they want us to think sent it.

McGee

Cassie!

Hey, McGee. Mind if I sit in?

McGee

Yeah, yeah! Hey boss? Cassie and I had parking spaces next to each other in Norfolk!

Gibbs

Why are you yelling, McGee?

McGee

So you can hear me through your hel... [realizes Gibbs is no longer wearing his suit] Helmet?

Gibbs

The blood tests were negative.

McGee

[tears off his own suit] Sweet!

Gibbs

Not for DiNozzo.

McGee

...Positive? Is he gonna be OK?

Gibbs

If he isn't, he'll be answering to me.

Tony

[watches the team gear up for a call-out, still ignored, and disconcerted] Maybe I did die.

Gibbs

[stands next to him] You feel that?

Tony

[glances at Gibbs] What?

Gibbs

[smiles] You're still alive. Welcome back, DiNozzo.

Gibbs

Come on, DiNozzo. We've got problems - someone's trying to kill us again.

Tony

So someone really is trying to kill us?!

Gibbs

You get Fornell in here.

DiNozzo

What should I tell him?

Gibbs

Tell him he's about to make the second biggest mistake of his life!

My second biggest mistake, Jethro? That's very dramatic. What was the first?

Gibbs

When you married my second wife.

You could have warned me!

Gibbs

I did!

Gibbs

Protection detail's over, Kate.

Tony

You did good.

Gibbs

For once DiNozzo's right

Kate

[stands up] Wow, I thought I'd die before I ever heard...

[on distant rooftop, coldly, looking up from his sniper rifle] Sorry, Caitlin...

Gibbs

Ari...

Gibbs

You first.

Tony

Ziva David, Mossad, she's here to stop you from whacking Ari. Yours?

Gibbs

Director Jenny Shepard, same mission.

Tony

Which agency?

Gibbs

Ours.

Tony

Yeah?

Kate

Why me, Gibbs? Wasn't stopping one bullet enough for you? Why did I have to take two?

Gibbs

I-I don't know.

Kate

You don't know? Come on, Gibbs, what's that famous gut tell you? Why did I die instead of you?

Ducky

One has to wonder what made him such a sadist.

Gibbs

I don't give a damn! I just want to kill the bastard!

Hello Jethro! (Gibbs pictures the two of them having sex in Paris) Shall we skip the "You-havn't-changed-a-bit" bull?

Gibbs

Why start lying to each other now Jen?

Any problem taking orders from me?

Gibbs

As Director or as a woman?

Either.

(firmly) Special Agent Gibbs! (he turns around and walks to her) On the job...it is Director Shepeard or Ma'am!

Gibbs

Okay. What about off the job?

There won't be any "off the job", Agent Gibbs!

Gibbs

That's too bad.(meaning he still loves her) I missed you, Jen!

(her cheeks flushed) Don't make this difficult, Jethro!

Gibbs

Fair enough. It won't happen again, Director.

(walks in front of him) We can continue this conversation in private.

Gibbs

(flirting) I've gotta change my clothes. We can talk in my car on the way to the house.

(warning him) Gibbs!

Gibbs

Hey! I've got a dead agent and a sniper on the loose, I do not have ten minutes to spare!

This the same boat you were building six years ago?

Gibbs

Nope!

What happened to it?

Gibbs

I burned her!

Why would you...you named it after an ex-wife?

Gibbs

Lets go!

Which one?

Gibbs

You know damn well "which one"!

Why didn't you just change the name?

Gibbs

Because it wouldn't matter! Every time I went out on her I'd think of Diane!

You could have sold it!

Gibbs

And watch some other guy sail off on her?

(meaning sex) You didn't care who sailed off on Diane! Leroy Jethro Gibbs. You are a strange man!

Gibbs

Me? (scoffs) You were a good agent Jen!

Were?

Gibbs

Yeah! Director's job is pure politics!

I'm good at politics! NCIS needs someone who can shake the money tree on the hill AND work with sister agencies!

Gibbs

Wait! You won't call a boat a 'She'...but it's 'Sister Agencies'?

I'm a schitzoid libber! Comes from working with chauvanists like you!

Gibbs

I can't believe you'd give up field work for rubber chicken dinners!

I don't think they serve that dish at Palena!

Gibbs

Never heard of it!

Why would you? IT isn't take out!

Gibbs

So which of the tight sphincters is taking you out? Please tell me "it's not Fornell"!

CBS Early Show. They want coverage before I go on T.V!

Gibbs

No! Jen you can't do that!

Excuse me?

Gibbs

Ari is a chauvanist! He's taking the lives of the women I work with before me! So please...don't take that interview!

I'll see if I can postpone it a few days!

Gibbs

Thank you!

Gibbs

I want you on Ziva's ass.

Tony

She's not really my type boss.

Gibbs

To tail her.

Tony

I knew that.

Gibbs

From now on, we're going to use phonetics like we did in the Corps.

Abby

Golf India Bravo Bravo Sierra?

Gibbs

What is it, Abs?

Abby

Can I please go back to my lab? I'm flipping out up here with nothing to do.

Gibbs

Okay, but don't leave the --

Abby

Don't leave the building. I know. Bravo Yankee Echo.