“Switch” · Season 3, Episode 5
In this episode: Tony DiNozzo (6), Timothy McGee (5), Ziva David (4), Leroy Jethro Gibbs (2), Abby Sciuto (1)
[The team arrives at the scene, a police officer greets Tony]
Special Agent Gibbs?
Uh, no... he's the older gentleman with the smile on his face.
[Chuckles and points to a stern-faced Gibbs who is briskly walking past them to the crime scene]
[to McGee, as they work the crime scene] If it's any consolation, probie, I had my identity stolen once.
Really?
I had a charge on my Visa for a vintage Barbie doll. 'Career-girl' outfit?
Ooh, with the matching briefcase and pumps?
[Tony slowly gives him a stare]
[falters] Oh, well, um... I-- I had a-- a girlfriend who collected once. We used to... line them up on...
I lost respect for you at the word... "pumps". Get back to work...
[crime scene is a car crash below a very steep slope, and Ducky calls to the agents to come down and help find a bullet]
[exchanges uneasy looks with Tony] Well... as, you've pointed out many times, I'm-- I'm just a junior field agent.
All the more reason you need the experience, probie.
How about if I follow in your footsteps... you lead the way?
How about if you kiss my experienced buttocks?
Just to be clear, are there any more of these rules I should be aware of?
About fifty of them.
And I don't suppose they're written down anywhere that I could--
No.
Then how am I supposed to--
My job is to teach them to you!
[searching a Naval officer's house]
[gasps] It can't be! Do you realize what we have here?
Another ugly shirt?
This is an authentic "Magnum, P.I." Jungle Bird design! 100% cotton, bamboo buttons, "Made in Hawaii" label! Come on, this is the Holy Grail of Aloha garments!
That's great.
Eight seasons Magnum wore this shirt, putting up with Higgins and those stupid dogs. [imitating Higgins] "Zeus! Apollo!"
[N.B. Series creator Donald Bellasario also created and executive-produced "Magnum, P.I."]
[searching a Naval officer's house]
Once he saw us at Norfolk, he must have taken a kite.
Hike. The expression is taking a hike.
She may have had it confused with “go fly a kite.”
I speak five languages, forgive me if I get confused sometimes. I found his bank book.
Check book.
Whatever you call it. His deposits seem high.
Where you come from, they may seem high but here in the good ol' U.S. of A... [sees the checkbook] These are really, really high.
[A sound is heard elsewhere in the house. All three of them draw their guns.]
I think it's the-
Shh!
[They walk to the kitchen and open the cupboard, a marmoset shrieks, Tony jumps]
It's a...
It's a marmoset.
Actually, that's a capuchin.
I have some good news and some bad news. Good news: I'm still cute. Bad news: The bomb squad got a little trigger-happy. [holds up bag of bomb fragments] Do you have any idea what's beyond "smithereens"?
Not a clue.
Neither do I.
[A moment later, Ziva catches up to annoyed Abby in elevator]
Are you going home?
Not yet. I thought I might be able to help you with... [gestures to evidence] ...that.
[scathingly] Really? Do you have a degree in forensic science?
No, but I'm very good at jigsaw puzzles.
[softening a bit] Huh. We'll see.
She's right Tony, look at Lee Harvey Oswold, Sirhan Sirhan.
That's original McGee, is there any part of your brain that's your own?
At least I have one Tony.
What's that supposed to mean?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
