Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes from NCIS

Ziva

The boy has remarkable memory. There's also someone here from Social Security to pick him up.

Gibbs

Services, Ziva. Social Security is for older people.

Ziva

Noted.

Gibbs

Commander Tanner's been gone for forty-seven hours.

Ziva

If he's not dead, he soon will be.

McGee

Maybe we can convince her to change her mind about the lawyer?

Ziva

Oh, I can convince her of far more than that.

Gibbs

How long?

Ziva

Not long.

Gibbs

McGee, you thirsty? Come on, I'll get you a cup of coffee.

Gibbs

Abs, give me good news.

Abby

Oh my god, I got this e-mail that says I may have already won $50 million and I'm really really psyched. (Gibbs looks at her) Oh, you mean about the case?

Abby

[wearing headphones and yelling] What? No Zachster?

Gibbs

Abby, you're yelling.

Abby

Oh sorry. [takes headphones off] Where is he?

Gibbs

He's upstairs.

Abby

He's a cool kid. Reminds me of you. He's like a mini Gibbs. [Gibbs looks at her] Austin Powers.

Gibbs

You calling Zach a mini me?

Abby

[smiles] Gibbs! I am so impressed by your pop culture reference.

(walks down the steps to Gibbs's basement wearing a long, low cut revealing dress)

Gibbs

(under his breath staring) Hubba-Hubba! Dinner at the White House?

A date actually!

Gibbs

(flirting) Must be an important guy for you to get all decked out!

(flirting back) I'd prefer if you told me you liked my dress!

Gibbs

(visibly jealous) I haven't decided yet!

McGee

It's a matter of opinion, Tony so how could it be wrong?

Tony

It's just a matter of you having the wrong opinion!

Ziva

(groans) Why don't you just agree to disagree?

McGee

I don't agree to that!

Tony

Boss? The way the director cut her hair? Do you like it?

Gibbs

She cut her hair?

And people say we're bastards?

Gibbs

Only because they know us.

Tony

Someone's setting me up.

Gibbs

Two surgically removed legs dumped into a training area? Do ya think?

Tony

Yeah. I was... trying to think of arrestees with grudges.

Ziva

Wouldn't they all have grudges?

Tony

You see my dilemma.

McGee

[reading over Tony's shoulder] Mike Macaluso?

Gibbs

He's a Mafia boss DiNozzo busted in Baltimore.

Tony

They get a little touchy when they think of you as family and you turn out to be a cop.

Abby

What about that forensics dweeb that you got fired?

Tony

I didn't arrest him, Abby.

Abby

Yeah, but you really, really, really pissed him off.

McGee

Boss, do you really not know what coitus interruptus means?

Gibbs

Better question, do you know what it means if you haven't located Stewart? (McGee runs off in fear)

Ziva

(leaning against the wall) My father used to say (speaks in Hebrew) אש קטנה שורפת הרבה תירס

Gibbs

Translate.

(walks up to an unsuspecting Gibbs) "A little fire burns a great deal of corn"!

Gibbs

(not understanding the phrase she said) What?

It never really made sense to me either!

Ziva

It loses something in translation...director.

What are you thinking about?

Gibbs

Paris.

Get your mind out of the bedroom, Jethro.

Gibbs

You're still here?

No. I'm the Director's doppelganger!

Gibbs

I never did know what that meant! (to a girl who has rode in the elevator with them) Goodnight!

(scared) Goodnight!

Gibbs

So a doppelganger is someone who's pissed?

Yes Agent Gibbs this one definitely is!

Gibbs

Why?

Why? Because you countermanded me in front of Metro Police!

Gibbs

I didn't countermand you! You overruled me!

Oh...Semantics!

Gibbs

(as she walks out) Is that like "doppelganger"?

(from down the hall) Get a dictionary!

Ziva

Background check on the cop McGee killed, didn't come up with anything. He drank a little too much, had three ex-wives.

Gibbs

Yeah well, that does not make him a bad person.

Abby

Rule number 8 is going to save you McGee!

Tony

Never date a coworker?

Ziva

Never go anywhere without your knife.

Tony

Thought that was 9.

Gibbs

Never take anything for granted.

With all due respect, Director Shepard, I think we all know what happened here. Nobody else saw another vehicle in the alley. A nervous rookie panicked. Fired prematurely. Killed a veteran cop.

Gibbs

McGee's young, but he's a damn good agent. Are you sure your partner wasn't carrying a weapon last night?

It would have blown his cover on the case that we were working.

Gibbs

You said he was off duty just like you are right now.

Yeah.

Gibbs

You're carrying.... in the small of your back. Your partner's liver said he drank a lot.

Oh, go to hell.

Gentlemen...

I'm not going to stand for a cover-up.

And neither am I, Captain! I shared our preliminary report and you'll have full access to our findings.

I'm going to conduct my own investigation.

That is your prerogative.

And I want to interrogate McGee.

Gibbs

That's not going to happen!

I'll handle this, Special Agent Gibbs.

Gibbs

McGee has made his statement. That's not going to change.

Thank you for coming. You'll have NCIS's full cooperation.

Do I get to question Agent McGee?

Yes. But not today.

[on the phone to Gibbs] Gibbs, where are you?

Gibbs

[opening Director's office door behind Jen] Right behind you.

I really hate it when you do that. [she hangs up]