[We see Nick ride his bike through a small town]
MAMike [as announcer]
Come on down to parallel parking days.
S8Time Chasers
[Nick rides to Martin's Supermarket]
Come to Martin's. WHATUP?!?
[Nick boots up his computer]
SAServo [as the old AOL voice]
You've got mail... pattern baldness!
[During the first scene in 2041]
[derisively] The, uh, future.
[In a 2041 city, a 10-year-old wearing lime-green pants jogs while talking on a cellphone]
CCrow
So, in the future, kids become gay agents?
. . .
So... 50 years from now will be 3 years from now...
. . .
[As Nick, Lisa, and Matt go into a building, a burly-looking woman walks by]
Hey, look--a lesbian... of the future!
[Cut to inside, where the camera pans down to a fairly typical food court]
Food courts... of the future!
[Robertson arrives to meet Nick]
MAMike [as Robertson]
Hi, I'm Bob Evil!
RRobertson
Trust me.
SAServo [as Robertson]
Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
[Nick and Lisa are trying to escape Robertson's building while also being chased by his guards. They come to a room with two routes; Nick quickly opens the door of one route and he and Lisa go down the other. The guards come in and see the open door of the false route.]
GGuard
Come on, this way! [They run down the false route]
MAMike [as Guard]
Even though I see them running the other way!
[Lisa arrives at the airstrip, wearing two kinds of plaid]
Two kinds of plaid? Boy, I'm a naked robot, Mike, and even I know that's a fashion no-no.
SAServo [as J.K.]
I leave for 20 minutes, and EvilCo is in shambles!
CACrow [as Matt]
I'm a team player!
[In the dystopian future, an eyepatch-wearing armed survivor leaps atop a smashed car for a better shooting angle]
MAMike [as Gunman]
Arrgh! Sixteen men on a dead Dodge Dart!
[The alarm makes a beeping noise similar to a large vehicle in reverse]
Great, now the garbage truck's backing up!
[Nick and Lisa are shown together in the new, dystopian future]
I hope they end up together... at the bottom of a well torn apart by animals!!
CCrow
The movie really heightens the lack of interest in the film.
Yeah, I think--huh?
[As Nick and Lisa's plane crashes towards the rocky shore of a lake, the camera pans to the plane's altimeter]
They're running out of Alt!
[Cut to a view of the speedometer.]
And their Miffnots [MPH KNOTS] are goin' down!
[After Robertson punches Nick out of the flying plane, Nick somehow manages to hang on with his palms flat against the smooth metal wing]
CACrow [as Nick]
Ha-ha! Unlucky for you, I secrete pine tar from my hands!
[After Robertson's time transport crashes into a tree]
CCrow
27 Keebler elves were killed today when a light plane plunged into their tree!
E.L. Fudge remains in critical condition.
. . .
Oh, he's trying to get honey like Pooh!
CCrow
Oh, he's like poo, all right.
. . .
[as Nick climbs down the tree]
CCrow
He's climbing an Ent!
[in a deep, Entish voice] Hoom hom, get off me, hm.
. . .
[Later in that scene, Robertson shoots Nick and kills him]
CCrow
He died as he lived: mud-stained and splaying.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.