“Demon Squad” quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Joel

Hey, Dr. Erhardt, I haven't seen you in several millenia. How's the mad biz treating you?

Oh, you know, Joel. It ebbs and flows. More of a hobby at this point.

Joel

I gotcha. Really glad to hear your voice caught up with you too. That shrill nagging tone you always had was really grating on the ears.

[shrill-voiced] It's a hormonal disorder, you little piece of sh-

GENTLEMEN!

Wait... who was that guy again?

I'll tell you later. Movie in the hole!

...I am about to use this thing for scrap. We need something that'll stay on more than ten minutes at a time.

Those things still cost money, right?

Thing's older than I am.

Still works harder.

Says the drunk guy.

As I keep saying, I would happily work hard at the job I thought I was hired for.

Well I thought I needed a jaded barista.

We settled this. You're lucky I even hired you.

It helped that I was the only applicant.

Joel

Ooh, another LinkedIn success story.

Now what can I do for you miss...

Fontaine. Delilah Fontaine.

Miss Fontaine.

Call me Lilah.

So, Karen...

Leslie...

Sandy...

Any relation to Charles Fontaine?

He's my father.

Let me stop you there.

Tony.

I don't do missing persons.

I think you'll find this particular case to be of interest.

Look lady, as much as I'd like to help you, I can't find your old man. It doesn't matter how many zeroes you put on the check.

Because Nick don't do math.

You really don't have to do this, Nick. I can get a hotel room.

I do this for all my clients.

Yes, I see them under your bed.

Well, you know. All my attractive, single clients.

Oh, I get it. You're a pig!

What are you going to do?

I just ate 14 dumplings. What do you think?

What's The Stranger planning?

Joel

Stranger Things?

Well, he has the dagger, so use your imagination.

Hmmm... dragons.

That's all I know. Now can I go?

Sure, do you need your parking validated?

[after Nick startles her] I'm starting to see why you're single.

Pretty cool, huh?

[surprised] ... Wow.

Servo

Yeah, a real, live woman.

Pretty niiice!