Max quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Phil Patton, you magnificent bastard, I read your book!

I just love the name Patton. So strong and... and viral!

Mr. B Natural, at your service. The spirit of music, that's me! The spirit of fun in music. And I've been around an awful long time. Knew your father, I did. And your grandmother. And don't be too sure I wasn't in the garden with Mr. and Mrs. Adam.

She's the devil?

Why, you should know me. The spirit of music's inside all of you. In you...

Peaches.

In you...

Herb...

In all of you!

Where your soul used to be!

I usually hang around on this music staff, but when I get a message for help, I go off to appear before people! Especially young people, when I think I can do 'em some good.

Uh oh, hold on...

Mr. B what?

Natural! Shouldn't be surprised, boy. Whether you know it, or not, you sent for me. When you reached for that music over there to make you feel better, I got your message. You awakened me!

Damn!

You mean you've been hiding here in my room all that time, and I never even noticed?

No boy, I don't mean that! I mean, you awaken the spirit of music inside you! That's me! Your spirit of music! That's my name, boy! B Natural!

This is so complicated.

Look here, I've been visiting an eight-year-old friend of mine who woke me up recently.

Huh?

Talked him into playing the French horn, I did. You should hear him! [imitates a French horn and laughs]

Oh, watch your back, Reggie Watts.

Because he wanted to. He wanted the fun of it. That's why he can play that piece so easy! Wait 'til he grows up and finds out how hard it is. [laughs]

Ha ha ha, then he'll die!

It's because he's young. He's not afraid.

He's foolish! Hee hee hee ha ha!

You like music?

Sure sounds like fun, and I'd like to have some of it too!

Yeah, first taste is free, kid.

The best instruments are uniform. Every one is exactly like every other of the same kind.

Like white people in the suburbs.