Narrator quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

First, she feels the cake...

...then she rubs it into her hair...

Watch the boy on the left. His heart's about to explode! Waaait...

Over at the 4-H Booth, they get fried chicken with all the trimmings!

[confused] What, tinsel, little lights?

Servo

This is an actual 4-H feeding frenzy.

Other fairgoers like to picnic on the grass like this.

Grazing in the grass is a gas. Baby, can you dig it?

Bob still has lots to see. This is a jet plane.

Where's the corn go?

Wonder what it would be like to fly it?

...over Cambodia, secretly maintaining plausible deniability. [N]

Get the car! There's carrots in the car!

Carrots? I love carrots!

Mike

A wheel slices into the crowd, killing three!

[quietly, as if off in distance] Aiieee...

Servo

Still, nothing measures up to those bass, huh?

They're into the curb.

Servo

And they're into jazz.

Come on, you chunk of dog food, I got a year's allowance on ya!

Uh, hey guys, wait up!

The race is over.

And The Oak Ridge Boys take the stage.

Dad, I owe Big Lenny 42 large!

Well! The champion's blue ribbon goes to a girl!

The cows are furious!

Too soon, the rides are over.

The lawsuts begin.

And too soon, all the fun comes to an end.

You spent your nickel, we're done.

Uh-oh! That's no way to treat your clothes!

But that's how they treat me!

Oh Mildred, look at your clothes! Why, that's as bad as Don was!

Servo

Don Was? The producer?

Brush, and brush, and brush--at least 100 strokes.

Just keep brushing and brushing and saying the name of our Lord and Savior!

The ear is the human organ the public speaker is most likely to try to impress as he makes a speech.

…after the human nipple.

Now, just suppose you were a beautiful doll with rosy cheeks and big blue eyes...

Mike

...Okay...

...a doll that never talked.

Mike

[nervously] Just do what he says...

Or a tree, that basked in the warm sunshine and rustled in the breeze: a tree that never spoke.

Servo

Now you're a can opener! Metal and shiny and taciturn!

Be sure to wear a clean shirt...

Be sure to get a brand-new chin.

...and your favorite tie.

Servo

Now you're ready to rub out Sonny Corleone!

...You will look poised and dignified.

Mike

Uh, no you won't.

Don't do this during the speech.

An American Democracy...

Would be really great.

Year-round sun makes this island a vacation paradise.

And very hard to sleep!