A character in Muppets Tonight
Played by Jerry Nelson
Muppets Tonight · 85 quotes
Tied for 1st most-quoted character in Muppets Tonight: in 39 of its 85 quotes
Most scenes with: Waldorf (39), Clifford (2), Gonzo (2)
[Watching a Dragonheart screen test with Dennis Quaid on the portable TV on the golf car]
StatlerYou know, when I watch this show, I find myself counting the minutes until it's over.
Really? How many are left?
StatlerFore! [A golf ball hits Waldorf in the head. Statler laughs] I love that joke!
[Watching the opening at a spa and cafe]
Due to a slight guest-star situation, Muppets Tonight has been pre-empted.
Yay!
I'm not finished.
Oh!
Until we get a new guest star.
[Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Beaker, Statler and Waldorf are relaxing near a large pool]
Well, Beaky, Kathy Ireland's first theory of guest-star attraction is flawed. We've been out in bikinis all day and nobody's paid any attention to us.
StatlerMaybe you should trade up to a one piece!
Yeah! Worked for us!
[They laugh]
[Gonzo and Rizzo, having just hosted a clip show called "The Best of Muppets Tonight", are about to leave when they see Statler and Waldorf with a TV camera]
What are you two doing here?
StatlerWell, we just finished broadcasting our own show called, "The Worst of Muppets Tonight".
Really? What did you show?
The same thing you did!
[They laugh]
[Watching Gonzo's Lowerpalooza Festival at a skiing chairlift]
StatlerThis show's a lot like skiing.
How's that?
StatlerCause it's going downhill fast!
[They laugh]
[Watching The Johnny Fiama Show at the skiing chairlift]
StatlerBoy, I'm sure glad we're up here.
Why is that?
StatlerBecause after seeing that, I really need a lift!
[They laugh]
We're going to go out on that joke?
StatlerNo, we're going out on this one! [Pushes Waldorf off of the chairlift, causing Waldorf to fall] That looks like fun.
[Watching Kermit and Miss Piggy tap-dance on TV on a cruise ship]
StatlerUm, I'm feeling a little nauseated.
Is it because of the motion of the boat?
StatlerNo, it is because of the jokes on the show!
[They laugh]
[Watching The Real World: Muppets]
StatlerYou know, this show reminds me of a 25-cent cigar.
Oh, yeah? Why is that?
StatlerBecause it's cheap and it stinks!
[They laugh]
[Watching Bay of Pigswatch]
You know, this show reminds me of a glass of expensive brandy.
StatlerWhy is that?
Because it's old and it makes my head hurt!
[They laugh]
WaldorfDave Goelz · 39 quotes
CliffordKevin Clash · 20 quotes
KFKermit the Frog9 quotes
RRRizzo the Rat9 quotes
BoboBill Barretta · 6 quotes
BLBand leader5 quotes
BBBobo the Bear5 quotes
ESErnst Stavros Grouper5 quotes
GonzoDave Goelz · 5 quotes
AndySteve Whitmire · 4 quotes
BunsenDave Goelz · 3 quotes
Miss PiggyFrank Oz · 3 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Muppets Tonight pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.