(after Orel tells him he's been having wet dreams about God spanking him) You've been having what about who doing what?! I think you know what this means! (Orel makes an aroused grin, Clay realizes belting him won't solve this problem) Just...just meet me in my study.
S2 E7Pleasure
S2 E8The Lord's Prayer
In this cold, cynical, free-thinking, lonely world you’ve made, it’s somewhat expected when new friendships are welcomed with open hearts.
[The Puppington Family are having new neighbors, the Posubules, for dinner, and they're all saying grace.]
EEveryone
Our Father, who/which art... [Everyone stops, slightly confused, then resumes] ...in Heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses/debts... [everyone stops again, more conscious, and then continue cautiously forward] ...as we forgive those who trespass/our debtors...
Debtors?!
APArt Posubule
Trespassers?!
BBoth
What are you, nuts?! Get out!/Let's go!
BPBloberta and Poppet Posubule
Well, you think you know someone!
AArt
Get up, kids. I can't believe you would expose my children to this without my consent!
Your children? What about my kid, he's only nine!
Twelve.
Please, just leave!
PPoppet
Gladly!
You don't even understand what the Lord's Prayer means!
AArt
How dare you!? Forgive your debtors!
Forgive your trespassers!
AArt
You owe me a bottle of wine!
GET OFF MY PROPERTY!! (Slams the door)
S2 E9Holy Visage
The crusades took place during the Dark Ages, which was a very pious and righteous time in our history. Doughy?
But the Dark Ages sound scary.
Well, they're not. "Dark" in this case, means something more like "shade" and "shelter." To be in a cool, dark place away from the oppressive heat of blinding enlightenment.
RHRed-Headed Kid
So what did they end up getting back from the Crusades?
Well, as you can see, many of the artefacts are here behind this glass. We have the Holy Grail, a porthole from Noah's Ark, and the skeleton of the baby Jesus. All of these, of course, can be purchased in the museum gift shop.
S2 E10Be Fruitful and Multiply
(praying) Lord, Putty here. Reverend Putty, for what that's worth. I don't know what the deal is with you, but I do and do and do for you, and all I ask is one measly thing in return! Seriously, is a lady really that difficult to conjure up? I mean, you make trees for a living. And I'm saying it could be any lady! Any size, any shape, any colo— I mean, any weight. The point is, I'm not picky. Amen.
I think that as long as you have at least one of those "F" words in your life, you can't be lonely. For you see, a lot of the problems starts when people get too greedy and want all of the "F" words, and don't appreciate the ones that they have. Then they're just making their live miserable...and who ever heard of somebody actually wanting to make his life miserable. Amen.
RPRev. Putty
Well, you see, Stephanie...
Yes, Reverend?
RPRev. Putty
You know what? Let's just cut the "Reverend" stuff, huh?
OK, what would you prefer? "Pastor"? "Minister"? "Brother"? "Rod"?
RPRev. Putty
How about "Father"?
Sounds a little too Catholic, doesn't it?
RPRev. Putty
Hmm, you're right. Better make it "Dad".
S2 E11Praying
BBuddha
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle and the life of that candle will not be shortened.
You're our ringer, Orel, remember that. Not to put the pressure on you, but to put all of the pressures completely on your head.
Now, as you know, there's going to be four categories this year, Orel: Asking for things, praising, general appreciation, and of course, requesting forgiveness.
Gee, shouldn't "requesting forgiveness" be included in "asking for things"? And come to think of it, "praising" and "general"--
Orel, I think you know who makes the rules for such a thing as praying.
Oh, of course. [He looks up at the sky]
That's right, a bunch of random guys.
S2 E12Repression
Uh, look, just try not to think about it. Not a sight out of mind.
That is easy to say.
You can do it. Distract yourself. Giver your wife a baby, that'll make you feel like a good husband. Just pretend.
[Block Posabule comes running into the study and smashes some glasses]
Yay! Break!
Orel! Look what you let in [Hits Block with a fly-squatter] Skat Shapey! Shoo shoo!
Dad, that's not Shap--
What's up son?
S2 E13Turn the Other Cheek
Orel, you know you shouldn't upset your mother by coming home with dirty clothes, because then, your mother talks to your father, and no-one wants that
Ah, yes, "turn the other cheek" - the war cry of the fraidy-cats. Orel, the phrase "turn the other cheek" has been mis-used ever since violence became out of style.
It has?
Sure! That phrase should only be used when someone insults you or makes jokes about your wife. Then you should just grin and bear it. Even laugh if it's funny!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Moral Orel pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.