Moral Orel · Season 3
After trying to get Shapey back from the Posabule family, Bloberta has ended up with both Shapey and Block, who bond quickly.
Mine!
Cake?
Cake!
Yummy?
Yummy!
Mine?
Mine! [They laugh happilly]
[about to pick up the customer phone line, visibly on the verge of a breakdown over the issue] Nohammers' Hardware. YES, WE HAVE HAMMERS. (slaps his own head) NO, IT'S JUST MY NAME!!!!
Bloberta! What brings you...
Reverend, I want you.
I... uh... I'm sorry?
I need you. I have this feeling.
Oh, well, uh... Meet me at the church repressional.
No! I want to be with you! I want your mind, your body. I want to get close to you in anyway. Touch you, anywhere. I'm yours, all yours!
AAAAHHHH!!! (ejaculates in his pants and falls on his knees) I'm done.
What?
I'm done! Go away! Go a million miles away! (slams the door)
Good afternoon.
Oh, yeah? What's so afternoon about it?
Well, it's 4:30 P.M. What kind of an example is that for your son?
Don't worry about Orel, he's fine! A chip off the 'ol block, out of my flesh and... [he opens the door to the bathroom to find, to his utter horror, Orel bathing in the blood of his friends, who are standing around with knives and other sharp things.] ...blood?
Oh, hi, dad. Pretty great, huh?
No! It's not great!
But, I was just trying to do what you said.
For the millionth time, whatever I said, I didn't mean this! Young man, I'll see you in my study!
What're you all dressed up for? Got a big date or something?
I thought you'd have a change of heart.
"Change of heart"?! Orel, change is only for hippies and underwear.
[Orel wakes up from his coma.]
Did you see God? What did you learn?
Oh, I learnt all about Heaven. And guess what, it's not at all like we thought it was.
[Everyone gasps in horror. They look at Clay.]
It's still a little fuzzy, though, but I think I can remember if I really try--
[covering Orel's mouth] We're all just fuzzy--
No, wait! I remember!
[Everyone gasps again.]
[covering Orel's mouth] That's because what Orel saw was fuzzy clouds and fuzzy angels. Isn't that right, son?
Uh... I don't think so...
Well, let me help you remember... in my study! [Pause] Come on, gulp for me, son. [Orel gulps] Atta, boy!
Wait a minute! You're asking me to take responsibility for what Orel does?
I know it's a tall order.
90% of the time, I'm not even responsible for my own actions!
What if you quit drinking?
(mockingly) Yeah, what if?
Look, we've all given Orel guidance over the years, it is my considered opinion that the child may have been... misled.
[The congregation disagree]
Guys, wait! It sounds weird, but maybe Dr. Potterswheel's right. What if we... don't know what we're talking about?
[Everyone gasps in horror.]
I teach school, which has nothing to do with life, so don't pin this on me!
(After being told about "the children's crusade")
Did the children's crusade really work?
Of course they probably did. How dare you question things when I don't!
I am not "Holier-than-thou", Mother. But I am Holier than you.
Firstly, we must all pray for grace! Dear Lord in Godland, bless this mess of delicious food and thank you kindly for keeping our joyous family together under this one love-filled roof! We all need people who aren't mean to me or that don't act like they care about doing dirty, awful things to you. [becoming more despondent with each sentence] We need family because they care that I'm a real person who has thoughts of sadness, sometimes, along with happy thoughts or scared or aloneness thoughts. I feel thoughts of emotions and I need people to know that. So, thank you for keeping this family in good... shape. [suddenly cheerful again] The end for now, while we eat, signed, my family. [wipes a tear from her eye] Wow. My eye is really sweating up a storm here.
Where did you learn to shoot like that, Doughy?
I don't know. I guess you just have to act like nobody cares; like, nothing you ever do really means anything to anybody. You know, like you're totally invisible.
Orel, you've got one week to get over your jitters and become a decent shot. Until you do, I wanna see this gun in your hand 24 hours a day. It has to feel like it's a part of your body, the way a tumbler of whiskey feels in my desperate grip.
Gosh, who would've thought that bringing a loaded gun to school could be such a disaster.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Moral Orel pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
