(as Orel undoes his pants for a "lesson") Forget it, save it.
But aren't you going to teach me a lesson?
So, what does this mean, you're giving up on me, Dad?
Orel, a father never gives up on his son, because then he's not really a father; and if I'm not a father, all I really am is a husband, and that's practically worthless.
Also, you did follow my advice, kiddo, so punishing you would be an admission of wrongness on my part, and believe you me, that ain't gonna happen.
So why did we even come in here?
Well, we had to cast what's called a smoke-screen.
Yes, it's a valuable tool I use in order to give your mother the illusion that I'm actually doing my job as your father.
Neat! You're the best, Dad. I love you.
Sure do. Well, we got about one more minute in here.
(Orel and Clay just stand and sit there for just over a minute while the credits roll)
S2 E14 Geniuses
[While hiking, Orel and Doughy discover the "missing link" in a block of ice]
Wow look, it's the fictional missing link from the ghost book.
Say, that should take care of our coincidence badges!
And our melting badges! (sprays an aerosol can)
Geniuses is the most simplistic way of disproving evolution while at the same time proving that a miracle of God's pure brainpower, He whipped up the universe in His heaven shaped laboratory hundreds of years ago.
In fact, Geniuses is so simplistic that even the lowest form of life can understand it.
Boy Orel, I sure do have a great life! Always getting to do what I want and never having to worry about getting germs from hugging my parents or anything.
Gee, Mr. Creepler's been parked outside of your house for hours now.
I know. He keeps asking me to get in the back of his boring old ice-cream van.
Well maybe he's just lonely and needs a friend.
S Ms Sculptham
Doughy, I wanted to thank you for that trip to Paris. The city of love to hate.
S Ms Sculptham
Good, because here's a few other things you can get me for your pleasure. (gives Doughy a long list of gift ideas)
After I get you all these things, then can we go steady?
S Ms Sculptham
(writing on the blackboard) Well, if you get me all these things plus other things then that equals maybe.
S2 E16 School Pageant
C Mr Christein
Crooning? What the mishegus is this 'crooning?'
C Mrs Christein
It's like "canting", but without the no Jesus
Three weeks later...
P Officer Papermouth
Your sermon never pleases,
And all your parables all stink,
F Mr.Figgurelli
Your eyes are beady, nose is weird, a goofy basket case,
OW Old Woman
I'd like to take that stupid beard and rip it off your face!
RP Rev.Putty
Prancing gayly on the water, a long haired scrawny clod, you maybe someone's daughter but you sure ain't the son of....
E Everybody
[In church] Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-God, I hate you Jesus, with your boring miracles, you smell like a hundred cheeses have been shoved right up...shoved right up...shoved right up my nose!!
Wow! Everybody sure hates Jesus! Whoops...
[Around town, there is a big epidemic of STD's, thanks to Orel's "soul-saving business"]
Well, I just don't know what's causing all these horrible diseases
[Reading a newspaper, covering his face] it's a real mystery
[Clay removes the newspaper, revealing that he has syphilis on his cheek]
Say, I think I'll go and paint the...uh...lawn!
[Orel sends a group of sex workers to Rev. Putty's house to "save their souls"]
SW Sex Worker
Wow, this place is depressing!
Yeah, well, when you're constantly depressed you don't even notice!
[Putty closes his curtains with his back turned to the sex workers]]
SW Sex Worker
So, which one of us do you wanna save first?
[Putty faces them, revealing they're standing naked]
I think... the red head is definitely going to Hell the fastest.
Hey, maybe I could become a heathen just long enough for Reverend Putty to come and save me! That'd make God happy.
Sorry pal. Until you're eighteen, your soul belongs to us.
S2 E18 Orel's Movie Premiere
[As a snake-like belt] come here, Orel, while your pulling your pants up from my spanking!
Is his dad molesting him?
Gee, Joe completely changed the meaning of everything I wrote
Gosh Orel, that's too bad
I guess some things get misinterpreted
Hmm...not sure [Scratches his head with the Bible]
[Clay has finished spanking Orel]
I hope that's taught you a lesson, son.
It sure has! I'm never gonna do that , with those , in there , for that long , ever again!
Good boy son, good boy...
[Pause]
Oh, you're not going to lecture me some more.
Nah, gonna relax for a while.
[Orel looks at the mounted deer on the wall above the fireplace, this grabs Clay's attention]
Orel, how would you like to go on father and son outing together?
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Moral Orel pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
