[Tylor hits Duncan with a propelled scream canister and Duncan retaliates but loses control causing a stack of canisters to topple over and go haywire, knocking the main energy box, causing a blackout on the factory and all of Monstropolis; M.E.R.C. (Monstropolis Energy Regulatory Commission) sends an investigator to look for the cause]
Oh, no. Not him. That's Argus Blinks. He hasn't taken a day off in 20 years. If he finds a problem, he'll shut us down. This could be the end of laugh power.
[approaches Mike and Sulley] Ahem. Argus Blinks, M.E.R.C. investigator. [shows his badge]
James P. Sullivan, CEO, Monsters, Incorporated.
Yes, "Mr. Laugh Energy," I know who you are.
I am here to determine the cause of today's blackout, and whether or not a shutdown or a change in management is in order.
You'll have our full cooperation, sir.
MikeFull cooperation! Now, if you could please sign in. [hands Argus a form; Argus notices a 50 dollar bill clipped to it]
Mike
That? Oh! [chuckles] That's my lunch money. Or it could be your lunch money.
Are you trying to bribe me?!
No, no, of course he's not. [whispering to Mike] Put that away.
Mike
That's so silly. Now, by chance, have you happened to drop these box seat tickets to the Monstropolis Creepees game, uh, row double-A, seats one through three, free food? Was that possibly yours, by any chance?
Your office, if you please.
Welcome, sir. Mr. Wazowski wants us to bribe you with a brand-new...
Mike
Not now, boys. Not now. Excuse the car, sir. It's "Park Anywhere You Want" Day today. [as Argus leaves] Here's a 50. Get rid of the car. Wait, a 20. Here's a 20, get rid of the car. You know what? Forget it. Just get rid of the car.
NSNeedleman and Smitty
Aww...
[two weeks later, Cutter activates the vacation door; Argus comes out with a tan line wearing a Hawaiian shirt]
That was, without a doubt... [happily] the best vacation of my life! Wow!
[comes out the door] I believe it, Argus. 'Cause you really needed to unwind. You're very wound.
So, uh, you're doing okay?
I'm more than okay. Sipping creepy coladas, napping beneath the palms, cha-chaing the night away.
Argus? You're still here?
Mike
Yeah, I thought you left two weeks ago.
Oh, no, no, no. I took a little time off. I have your MIFT crew to thank.
You are welcome. And that is the last we will speak of it.
Well, of course, I will be writing all of you up, but just a warning this time. Goodbye, Mr. Laugh Energy. [leaves]
[sighs] That was too close. We were nearly shut down.
Mike
You caused a major power outage, conspired to cover it up, and if that weren't enough, attempted to bribe a M.E.R.C. official.
Mike
Stay on point, Sulley, stay on point.
Is all this true? Duncan?
[sighs in defeat] Yes, sir.
Oh, this is all my fault. I tipped the wheel so that Duncan could be temporary supervisor.
Mike
Well, regardless of how he became temporary supervisor, it all happened on your watch, Duncan.
And any of these accusations is grounds for dismissal.
Dismissal? Um... Temporary supervisor's, uh... [sniffles] Well, he's gotta go down with his temporary ship... I guess. So, uh, Mr. Sullivan, Mr. Wazowski...
I'm sorry, I... I'm the one that caused the outage, okay? Duncan, he was just trying to be a good supervisor. So if anyone deserves to be dismissed, it's me.
No, no, no. The power outage and, you know, all the other stuff, that was my fault, too. Though I am significantly less at fault than him.
Hmm. I am so proud of you two. Not only have you displayed that get-along MIFTer spirit, you've shown that you're willing to sacrifice one another.
TDTylor and Duncan
"Sacrifice for one another"?
That, too. So, Mr. W, Mr. S, what do you way we forget all the dismissal jumbo-mumbo-bumbo-bimble?
Speaking of dismissal mumbo jumbo, what about that "against company policy" vacation door?
Mike
Taken care of, Sulley. I'm having it shredded.
Mr. Wazowski, we're here to take the vacation door to your office.
[Mike chuckles nervously]
Mike
Look at that, would ya, Sulley? With your excellent management skills and my comedic prowess, our profits are up, up, up.
BBean
Actually, profits are down, down, down. [flips the profit chart to the correct side]
Mike, the Jokesters are doing their best, but laugh canister output has been decreasing for weeks.
Mike
Right, but at least with me and Sulley in charge, morale has never been higher.
Morale has never been lower! [shows his moral chart]
Mike
Maybe your graph-thingie's upside down.
No, my graph-thingie is correct.
Mike
I'll tell you why morale's down, it's all of these depressing charts.
Mike, we're not generating enough laugh power.
Mike
What?
Until we do, we gotta figure out a way to cheer folks up and trim our budget.
Mike
Right, right. I'll tell you what. At lunch, I will play 17 holes, instead of all 18. I'm willing to make that sacrifice.
BBean
Mr. Wazowski, we're gonna have to make deeper cuts than that.
[Fritz has been told that he has to fire one of the MIFTers by the end of the week due to budget cuts; Mike is looking for ways to boost morale without overextending Monsters Inc.'s budget]
You want me to tell you how to boost morale?
Mike
Yes, because you're "always watching." Or is it "always stinking"? I don't know. Whatever it is.
FMFemale monster
Ugh! No more coffee screamer?! What's the point?!
How about you approve your paperwork on time? That would make me smile. And I've been told I have an infectious grin. [smiles]
You sure this is gonna work?
Yeah, yeah. We'll buy him a Drooler Cooler, that'll cheer Fritz up, and you won't get fired.
Mike
Wait, what's wrong with Fritz?
Oh, uh, hey, Mike. I broke his favorite vending machine this morning...
Yeah, Vendy, yeah. I broke Vendy this morning and...
Mike
And he needs a new one! That's it! I got two words for ya: upgrades!
I think upgrades is one word.
Mike
The perfect way to boost morale. And if we boost morale, we boost laughs. And if we boost laughs, we boost profits. And nobody has to be let go! [whispers] Except maybe Stinky…
[Some employees are enjoying a new Oozeball machine]
Oozeball? I thought we were supposed to not spend money.
Mike
Sulley, you're not thinking like an out-of-touch overpaid CEO. To make money, you gotta spend money.
[George's team just beat Needleman and Smitty]
Mike
See? Morale's already up.
Okay, we'll keep this one.
Mike
Too late, buddy. I already ordered 96 of'em.
[Mike and Sulley are looking at paintings that Mike had recently purchased]
Mike
[viewing a painting of a large green dot] Oh, it's like... It's like everything and nothing at the same time. It just speaks to me. What's it say to you, Sulley?
Mike
Look what else I got. I bought a Vincent Van Gross and a Claw Monet.
Mike
Yes! It's culture. Culture boosts morale, and morale boosts profits.
GGeorge
Ooh, an Andy Gorhal. One of his Goop Cans. Very inspiring!
Mike
See? Okay. Now this one... [looks at a painting that looks like Sulley] ...stinks. I just don't get this one. I don't get it.
[Mike is handing out envelopes to employees]
Mike
Here you are. Compliments of Monsters, Incorporated. This one is for you. This one is for you. This one is for you. This one is for you, my friend.
Hey, Mike. What's in the envelopes?
Mike
Money.
Mike
Money.
Mike
Yeah. I'm calling it "Free Money Mondays." I'm telling ya, morale has never been better!
Where'd you get all that cash?
Mike
From your emergency money jar you keep hidden under your bed.
Mike
This is for you.
Mike
This is an emergency, right? This one is for you, my friend.
BBean
Oozeball tables, fine art, Free Money Mondays?
Mike
And I have more ideas where those came from. How about a rooftop swimming pool?
We don't need a swimming pool.
Mike
A Monsters, Inc. swim team!
We don't need a swim team!
Mike
Then who's gonna use the pool?
Bean, I can explain all of this. ...Actually, I can't explain any of it.
Hello?! What's to explain? Look at my graph-thingie. I've never seen morale turn around this quick!
And our laugh canister output has already doubled.
BBean
Really? Well. At this rate, profits should turn around rather quickly.
It was all Mike's doing. Good job, Mikey.
Mike
Aw, thank you. Thank you, Sulley.
No problem. And did you hear? Tomorrow's Pay Me Back Tuesday.
[Mike chuckles nervously]
[Mike has just finished filling a Laugh Canister only to find that it's only half-full]
Mike
Half-full?! Ah! That was some of my best belching! I gave her the [belches] and the [belches again] and the classic [releases a long belch].
FFungus
Oh. Smells like you've had stench toast for breakfast, sir.
[an alarm goes off; the screen shows the power grid usage in Monstropolis]
Mike
Hey, what's going on?
Mike, with this heat, we need to figure out a way to generate more laugh power. Suggestions?
FFungus
How about a Laugh Extractor?
Mike
Too soon, Fungus.
This is serious. If we don't get more jokesters ASAP, we'll lose business to Fear Co.
Mike
Right. More jokesters.
Mike
And I know just where to find them.
[all comedy class participants have reported to the Laugh Floor]
Mike
Attention! Now, listen to me. I don't care if it's a giggle, a chortle, a guffaw, a tee-hee, we need laugh energy, and we need it now. Mary, all five eyes on me. Chuck all four arms at your side. Kaitlyn, you ooze, you lose. You may not be official jokesters, but power demand is high. So your mission, make kids laugh!
[whispers to Karla] This is awesome.
I brought my liquid-emitting flower.
Mike
Tuskmon!
Mike
Are you funny, Tuskmon?!
Yes, sir! I'm very funny, sir!
Mike
My nana talks funnier than that!
[in a baby voice] Yes, sir! I'm very funny, sir!
Mike
Y'know, actually, that's pretty funny.
That was my baby voice. I've been working on it for a while.
Mike
Y'know, you should use that on the Laugh Floor.
Mike, how long do I have to hold you like this?
Mike
Oh, sorry, Sulley. PROPS!!
[Tylor has tricked Adorable into going back into the Himalayas by having him make snow cones for Mike and Sulley]
I found out what happened. Why he was banished.
He didn't eat Dale, or steal cars, or drink screams. He never hurt anybody.
I don't understand. Then why would he be banished?
He saw a letter from Waternoose about plans for a machine that would extract screams from kids.
Oh, he knew about the Scream Extractor.
After that, Waternoose banished him for life. But he just wanted a friend.
Mike
Hey, Tylor, get in here! We've just about met the power demand, and you're not even on the board.
The kid loved it. You should have heard him laugh.
Mike
Who knew Carla and that liquid-emitting flora was so funny? [chuckles] I love surprises.
[Tylor gives up his first chance to make a kid laugh after he felt guilty about Adorable; the Himalayan banishment door appears on the Laugh Floor]
Mike
Uh-oh. Sulley, this door looks very familiar.
[bursts through the door holding snow cones, followed by Tylor and Val] Snow cones for everybody!
We've got lemon and lingonberry.
And zero-calorie snow flavored.
Adorable, what are you doing here?
Mike
Perfect timing. Yum! With this heat, I could sure use one of those snow cones.
We were in your cave a month ago.
Yeah, but that's a long time in Yeti years. Uh, snow cone?
Mike
[takes a lemon snow cone] What a way to cool off. [tastes his snow cone, making his voice raspy] Mmm. And these lemon ones, they're a little tart. Makes my mouth feel funny.
Yeah, it was all my friend Tylor's idea.
Um, Sulley, Mike, I feel like Adorable here has been banished long enough.
More like unjustly banished by Waternoose for discovering the Scream Extractor.
Scream Extractor? No wonder he wanted to get rid of you.
Mike
You shouldn't have been banished, you should've been rewarded.
You're right, Mike. Adorable, now that I'm CEO of Monsters, Incorporated, I hereby un-banish you.
Ya here that? Officially un-banished!
Mike
And no more mail room for you. You're getting a promotion as…
[In the main lobby of the factory]
Official snow cone seller of Monsters, Incorporated!
Mike
I'll see ya and your funny flower tomorrow on the Laugh Floor.
Hey, sorry you missed your chance.
Eh, I'll get another one. It's me, remember? Besides, when life throws you a snowball, you make a snow cone.
Monsters at Work · 69 quotes
