[Monk is visibly uncomfortable as he watches Randy unloading hay bales off the truck for storage in the shed]
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m fine. It’s just, you know, everything. The earth and the outdoors. All the animals. Animal byproducts.
Well, you know, all the food you eat comes from farms just like this.
Not anymore. Not as of the last 23 minutes.
Well, I love it. I used to come up here every summer helping Uncle Harvey run the place. I still can’t believe it’s all mine. It’s all mine. It’s my farm. I own a farm. I’m the Farmer in the Dell. [Oates arrives]
I got that tractor running.
But it’s working now? Good. Good. Good man, Oates.
They gotta be fed every day! Animals eat every day! I’ll do it. Jesus. [Starts to leave, but Randy stops him]
[While Monk is examining the fenced off area of Belmont's farm, Belmont comes along carrying a shotgun]
JBJimmy Belmont
' Señor Monk.
Si. [Belmont asks him something in Spanish] Si.
JBJimmy Belmont
I just asked if you got a squirrel in your pants. [Monk struggles to make a Spanish response] You don’t speak any Spanish, do you?
JBJimmy Belmont
You want to tell me what you’re doing back here?
JBJimmy Belmont
You know, there are no secrets in a town like this. I know all about you, Former Detective Adrian Monk. I heard you were dancing with Sheriff Butterfield last night. Badly. Heard you were asking about me. Well, here I am. Now, you want to ask me something, you go right ahead.
Okay, what’s back there? Let me guess. Fields of reefer.
JBJimmy Belmont
Fields of reefer? What kind of cop were you?
You know what I mean: Ditchweed. Boo. The old Ali Baba.
JBJimmy Belmont
What makes you think that I’d actually-
Magic Dragon. Bambalachi. Yellow Submarine. Black Bart. Doctor Giggles. Kentucky Blue. You know what I’m talking about. I’m talking about Railroad Weed! That’s right. The Devil’s Parsley. Skunk, Splim, Splam, Mooster. Side Salad.
JBJimmy Belmont
Side Salad?
You’ve been supplementing your income. What do you have? About four or five acres of marijuana back there? Harvey Disher found it, and he was threatening to turn you in. [Belmont cocks his shotgun] You killed him.
JBJimmy Belmont
Did I? How? See, Harvey Disher’s truck went off the road at 10:30pm. That’s a fact. Hit the electric fence. Everybody saw the lights go out. I was in the dance hall. Half a mile away. In front of fifty witnesses. Now, you think you got enough for a search warrant? [Monk doesn't respond] Yeah, I don’t, either. Not in this county. It’s time you were headed home, Former Detective Adrian Monk. Front gate’s that way. Go on ahead. Go on. Go. [Monk leaves]
[Oates is outside on the porch, and looks up to see Monk handcuffing himself to the grain drill]
Oates? Oates! Thank, God! Where’s Randy?
He’s asleep. I can’t help but noticing that you’re handcuffing yourself to that grain drill.
It’s gonna kick in any minute.
Here’s the thing. I can’t tolerate any drugs or medications. It’s my metabolism. I don’t know what…I don’t know what’s gonna happen to me. I might go berserk! I might hurt somebody. Oates, dude... here. Here. [Monk throws the handcuff keys to Oates] Listen, whatever happens, don’t unlock me. NO MATTER WHAT I SAY! Even if I’m begging you! Oh, my God. Here it comes! Oh, God! I think it’s starting!
We’re talking about marijuana, right?
UH-OH! [Stands up, and starts shaking, and jumping around] RIVERDANCE! Oh! Oh! I can feel it! I’m getting hungry!
Did you have dinner? Got some pecan pie in the fridge.
IT'S THE MUNCHIES! Oates, whatever you do, don’t put anything near my mouth!
Can do! But I gotta say, you know, I’ve had some experience in this area, and I don’t think you’re stoned at all.
No! Oh, no! I SEE LIGHTS FLICKERING!
Yeah. They’re fireflies. [The sprinklers start spraying water, and Monk gets drenched]
What was that? What was that?!
It’s 8:00! Irrigation sprinklers. [Monk suddenly calms down]
Do they come on every night all over the property?
Oates. I know how he did it. I know how Belmont killed Randy’s uncle. Get me out of this.
Okie doke. One minute you're hand-cuffing yourself to a piece of farm machinery, sobbing like a schoolgirl, the next minute you're putting all the pieces together like Sherlock Holmes. Which is the real Adrian Monk?
Yeah, I like to think that a man is made up of many different–
I think it's the schoolgirl.
Yeah, you're probably right.
[Monk sneaks into Randy's bedroom and disguises his voice as the motivational CD Randy is listening to, after turning it off]
[In a low voice] Randy. You were right. Belmont killed your uncle.
[Cuts to the sun rising on the horizon. Randy walks to the kitchen, where Monk and Oates are waiting for him]
Morning. Any coffee left?
Got a full pot. How’d you sleep?
Well, fine, I guess. [Randy goes to the fridge, and smells the cream] Ew, it’s sour. What kind of farm is this? We don’t even have any fresh cream! [He walks out of the kitchen. He slaps his head. Monk glances at him to see if Randy has figured out everything that was fed to him in his sleep]
Mosquito. So, fill me in, what happened on Belmont’s farm?
Not much to tell. It was a dead end. How, how about you? Any new thoughts on the case?
No. [Suddenly, Randy stops with a surprised look on his face]
No. It’s nothing. Wait! Wait. Wait a minute. Oh, my God. Oh my God! [Walks over and takes a figurine pig off one of the shelves] Oh, my God. Monk, call the sheriff. I think I solved the case.
[Randy gives the Monk-fed summation on how Belmont killed Harvey Disher]
It was a perfect alibi, and that is how you did it, Mr. Belmont.
DLDeputy Lenny Hatcher
Um, I’m not following.
Randy, I don’t think you’re quite done. You mentioned that part about the... [imitates sprinklers running] Ch-... (10x) Sprinklers.
Yes! I’m not done yet. The sprinklers! [In a black-and-white flashback, the sprinklers go on, and the salt licks that have propped up the rear wheels on Harvey's truck melt, and the truck rolls forward] At 8:00, the sprinklers kicked on and melted the blocks of salt. [The truck runs straight into the electric fence, causing several sparks from a short-circuit] Touchdown. [The lights in the dance hall flickers] When the lights flickered, you were half a mile in front of fifty witnesses. [Flashback ends] That’s the prettiest piece of homicide I’ve ever encountered. Where were you?
I... I guess I just... I don’t know.
I understand. You’re in a slump. Don’t worry. I’ve been there. Just give it time. You’ll be back.
DLDeputy Lenny Hatcher
It would explain a lot.
SMSheriff Margie Butterfield
It would explain everything. Including the deer: They were licking the salt.
JBJimmy Belmont
Now that is a nice story. See that’s all it is. [Advances on Randy to the point of getting in his face] Where’s your proof? Physical proof. You don’t have any, do you?
I think he’s right. [Randy suddenly has an epiphany]
Sheriff, do you have an evidence bag? Monk, your pen. [He takes both and walks over to the driver's side door of the truck] This truck was never touched or moved, right? [He uses the pen to remove the keys from the ignition, and then breathes air onto it, revealing a fingerprint] Yes. That’s a fingerprint. See that? [To Belmont] If this is your fingerprint, it means that you were the last person to operate that vehicle. Is that proof enough?
[Julie is seen teaching Monk about computers]
Okay, Mr. Monk, this is called a mouse.
I know that, I haven't been living in a cave.
And this is a mouse pad...
[Stottlemeyer mentions to Agent Thorpe that his equipment is severely outdated]
You're wrong about Adrian Monk.
Yep. I know he's a little strange, and he can be difficult. But I can tell you of at least twelve different cases where all of the evidence...
TAgent Thorpe
Captain Stottlemeyer, you're looking at a half a billion dollars worth of equipment. Are you trying to tell me your funny little friend is smarter than all of this?
[Smiles without flinching] Yes, I am.
This is a complete waste of time, you know that.
TAgent Thorpe
Did you say something?
Yeah. I said, "Monk is right, sir." I have never read one of these "psychological profiles" that meant squat, particularly if it was created by one of these gizmos.
TAgent Thorpe
These "gizmos," as you call them, are going to catch our killer. Mark my words.
[When the "serial killer" makes a break for it, Stottlemeyer grabs FBI Agent Keao's custom-made PDA and throws it, catching the killer in the back and knocking him to the ground]
Hey! You were right, one of your gizmos caught the killer.
[At the end, writing a letter to one of Julie's friends]
Dear Kimberly, I am sorry that I inadvertently sent the S.W.A.T. team to Kayla's slumber party and made you cry. I am sorry about the nightmares, it will never happen again. Adrian Monk.
Very good; this next one is for Allison.
[Begins writing] Dear Allison...
[A man is being pushed in on a stretcher, with bandages on his head]
RReceptionist
He has a head wound.
RReceptionist
That is not a head wound, it's a nosebleed.
I happen to believe this very well might be a head wound.
