Jimmy Belmont and Monk in “Mr. Monk Visits a Farm”

' Señor Monk.

Monk

Si. [Belmont asks him something in Spanish] Si.

Si?

Monk

Si.

I just asked if you got a squirrel in your pants. [Monk struggles to make a Spanish response] You don’t speak any Spanish, do you?

Monk

Some. High school.

You want to tell me what you’re doing back here?

Monk

No.

You know, there are no secrets in a town like this. I know all about you, Former Detective Adrian Monk. I heard you were dancing with Sheriff Butterfield last night. Badly. Heard you were asking about me. Well, here I am. Now, you want to ask me something, you go right ahead.

Monk

Okay, what’s back there? Let me guess. Fields of reefer.

Fields of reefer? What kind of cop were you?

Monk

You know what I mean: Ditchweed. Boo. The old Ali Baba.

What makes you think that I’d actually-

Monk

Magic Dragon. Bambalachi. Yellow Submarine. Black Bart. Doctor Giggles. Kentucky Blue. You know what I’m talking about. I’m talking about Railroad Weed! That’s right. The Devil’s Parsley. Skunk, Splim, Splam, Mooster. Side Salad.

Side Salad?

Monk

You’ve been supplementing your income. What do you have? About four or five acres of marijuana back there? Harvey Disher found it, and he was threatening to turn you in. [Belmont cocks his shotgun] You killed him.

Did I? How? See, Harvey Disher’s truck went off the road at 10:30pm. That’s a fact. Hit the electric fence. Everybody saw the lights go out. I was in the dance hall. Half a mile away. In front of fifty witnesses. Now, you think you got enough for a search warrant? [Monk doesn't respond] Yeah, I don’t, either. Not in this county. It’s time you were headed home, Former Detective Adrian Monk. Front gate’s that way. Go on ahead. Go on. Go. [Monk leaves]