TV show quotes
[At the end, writing a letter to one of Julie's friends]
Dear Kimberly, I am sorry that I inadvertently sent the S.W.A.T. team to Kayla's slumber party and made you cry. I am sorry about the nightmares, it will never happen again. Adrian Monk.
Very good; this next one is for Allison.
[Begins writing] Dear Allison...
[A man is being pushed in on a stretcher, with bandages on his head]
HEY! I WAS HERE FIRST!
He has a head wound.
I have a head wound!
That is not a head wound, it's a nosebleed.
I happen to believe this very well might be a head wound.
[Natalie tries to convince Monk to take part in an SFPD bachelor auction]
Don't you want to be a team player?
No.
Don't you want to appear to be a team player?
Sure.
[Natalie is trying to shoo Marci away]
Look, I really have to see Adrian, it's an emergency!
Yeah, that's what you said last year, Marci, but when he got in the car, you locked the door and tried to drive him to Corpus Cristi!
It was Thanksgiving!
It's possible—there's a chance—she's not crazy. I mean, she's crazy, but she might not be wrong.
[Marci trots towards him with her arms spread]
[Shrinking away] Clue hug?
Take it like a man.
[Marci's dead dog Otto is being framed for a murder]
You're the detective, you figure it out! You do it all the time. The police have a theory and they think it's cut-and-dried, and then you come in and do your thing, like in "Mr. Monk and the Astronaut" or "Mr. Monk Goes Back to School"—oh, you remember that one?
No! Where are you getting these names?
[Last lines; Marci has sent her box of memorabilia back to Monk. He finds the troll doll]
Oh look, it's you. [Natalie finds the bobbleheads of Monk and Marci]
[As Marci] "Oh, Adrian, I adore you! You're so amazing!"
All right...
[As Monk] "Thank you, Marci. I think you have excellent taste. How would you like to be my new assistant? You can follow me around and worship me all day."
All right, it wasn't like that...
[As Marci] "And let's seal the deal with a great big clue hug! Clue hug! Clue hug! Clue hug!"
Cut it out, will you? I know it's you!
[Following him out of the room] "Oh, don't go away, I just want a little clue hug! Clue hug, clue hug, clue hug!"
What's up, Killa?
What is this, good cop, demented cop?
Let me give you the 4-1-1—that's the information.
I am not going to be putting a bomb under somebody's town car. You know me, I'm up close and personal, face-to-face.
Well, not according to this. [Produces a CD, which he puts down on the table] Track 4. A little song called "Car Bomb." [Imitates rapping]] "Ch, ch, ch. I put the bomb in your limo, that's what the surprise is / Under your seat, like Oprah giving prizes." Sound familiar?
Not the way you do it.
Yeah, well, I wasn't really performing it.
Look, you got to be one of the whitest white boys I've ever met. And I've met Kevin Costner.
Randy's upstairs talking to our medical examiner in rap.
Why?
I learned a long time ago not to ask Randy why he does anything.
He threatened me once—at a zoning meeting. Hit me with a microphone.
He's a nudist! That's what they do, they... they hit people with microphones.
[About nudists] Captain, there's only one way to deal with them. We gotta ship them back!
Ship them back where, Monk?
[On the nudists] You defending them?!
Monk, this is San Francisco! There's a million weirdoes out there! Some of them are wearing clothes, some of them are not. And yes, I am defending them. That's what this means. [Pats his badge] We defend them. I spend a lot of my time, too much of my time, trying to keep bigotry and racism out of this department.
I am not a bigot--
Well, I don't know what else to call it, Monk! You wanna put this guy away for the rest of his life because he makes you uncomfortable. Look, you've always had issues. But this isn't just another quirk or phobia, like, uh, your fear of clowns or round things. This is different. This is new. And weird. And ugly.
First of all, I'm not afraid of round things--
Monk, you're a great detective. Look at it like it's a mystery. There's something going on here. Something's going on inside of you. Figure it out, detective. I don't wanna see you back here until you do.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Monk pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
