Nikki quotes from Misfits

Nikki

If I had your power, I'd wait until I was cumming, and I'd rewind a couple of seconds, and just... hover in the moment.

Curtis

[Nikki leaves her flat] I just want to talk to you.

Nikki

Really?! "Cause I thought you might want to break into my flat and shit in my bed.

Curtis

That wasn't me. We got the wrong flat.

Nikki

You tell your little friend he owes me a new mattress. He wiped his arse on my pyjamas.

Curtis

Yeah, that's the kind of thing he does. He's not right in the head.

Nikki

What?

Curtis

I know this gonna sound weird and crap, but... I feel like I know you.

Nikki

You feel like you know me! You smooth bastard. We can help yourself. [Lifts her skirt up] Just pull my knickers up when you're done. I'll order a pizza.

Curtis

Are you always such a bitch?

Nikki

Are you always such a weird twat? Are we done?

Curtis

Yeah. I want to know everything there is to know about you.

Nikki

Like what?

Curtis

Anything.

Nikki

Er... You just tell me I've inherited the power to teleport from the guy whose heart was transplanted into me, and now you're just going to walk off and leave it at that? Well, fuck you very much!

Curtis

How do you wanna leave it?

Nikki

Very least you could do is ask me out for a drink.

Nikki

You!

Nathan

Hi. Sorry about, uh, you know.

Nikki

Shitting in my bed?

Nathan

Yeah. Wrong flat.

Nikki

[Finds Curtis on a rooftop, starts taking off dress and walking towards him] Hey, I've just been thinking about you.

Curtis

What're you doing?

Nikki

I don't want to get cum on my dress, it's dry clean only.

Kelly

What are we doing here?

I wanted you to meet my other clients and also some potential sponsors. Just relax and enjoy yourself. I should mingle.

Brian

Laura.

Curtis

Close your mouth!

Nathan

Sorry, sorry, it just went down the wrong way.

Brian

[To Laura oblivious to him] Hi. [To community servers] Good to see you.

Curtis

Oh, you're that milk guy, innit?

Brian

It's not just milk. It's all dairy products.

Nathan

You're here to make the coffees, then?

Brian

I'm done making other people coffee. People make my coffee now.

Alisha

So, what's the point in having your power?

Nathan

Were you one of those fat kids who had milk seeping out of his man-boobs during puberty?

Brian

No.

Nathan

We had a kid like that at our school. We used to milk him every lunch time.

Brian

I wasn't one of those kids. [Nathan walks behind Brian and massages his breast] Get off me! What are you doing?!

Nathan

I'm milking you!

Brian

Get off!

Nathan

This reminds me of school. That was some good times.

Brian

Fuck off!

Nathan

That's what the kid at my school used to say, and he had a nervous breakdown. [Brian walks away]

[Walks up to him] Nathan. How do you feel about blowing your brains out live on national television tomorrow night?

Nathan

Um... Yeah, I'm definitely up for that. Another, please.

Alisha

[Sits at bar next to Nikki] Hi.

Nikki

Hi.

Alisha

Be nice to (Curtis), yeah?

Nathan

...Just me and a gun...

Nikki

I'm not promising anything, but I'll definitely try.

Why not? They're planning to film it at the community centre.

Nathan

Right. So, it's like a whole "going back to my roots" kind of vibe?

Kelly

Who's she?

That's Daisy. More and more people with powers are coming forward.

Alisha

What can she do?

She can heal people, any illness, any disease. She plans to cure the world. She's like a pretty, modern-day Mother Teresa with a superpower. She is going to make a fortune.

Nathan

How do I look?

Curtis

Like a prick in a suit.

Nathan

[Points to Curtis] That's sexual jealousy, because of my prowess as a lover.

Nikki

Is it true you shit yourself when you die?

Nathan

That only happened once. And I've got a bucket standing by, just in case.

Nikki

Do you want that (pizza)? Just lost my appetite...

Curtis

No, I'm lactose intolerant.

Nathan

Does that mean you're afraid of cows?

Nathan

[Sits at bar] So being Santa sucks a big fat cock. Two pints of lager please, barmaid.

Alisha

Are you going to pay for them?

Nathan

No.

Kelly

Oh, come on! I've been working for the council, scraping up dog shit.

Nathan

That's thirsty work. [To Simon] So how did it all go so right for you? You end up with a cool flat and a beautiful girlfriend?

Kelly

I think it's dead romantic, I do.

Nathan

I think I liked it better when you suffered from a crippling shyness.

Curtis

[Lunges forward] No way! No more free drink! [Nathan grabs pint and downs it in one gulp] You're such a prick. [To Alisha] You're going to get us both sacked!

Nathan

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life working in some shitty bar?

Curtis

No.

Nathan

Then I'm doing you a favour! [Holds up glass] Refill!

Nikki

[Enters bar] This is fucking ridiculous! I had to walk all the way back from the other side of the estate.

Curtis

Are you okay?

Nikki

[To Curtis] Have you got my knickers? [Nathan attempts to peer upskirt] Want a look?!

Nathan

I wouldn't mind. After all, it is nearly Christmas.

Curtis

[Feeling Alisha's hand] It's so weird that I can do this.

Kelly

How does it feel?

Alisha

It's so nice not to have to think about it any more.

Nikki

Maybe we'd all be better off without them.

Curtis

What're you saying?

Nikki

I'm saying this random teleporting all over the place, it's a pain in the arse. I mean, what has any of us actually achieved with our powers?

Curtis

Apart from saving all our lives?

Alisha

We wouldn't need saving if it wasn't for the powers. We don't need to be caught up in all this bullshit.

Kelly

D'you think it's all right to just flog our powers like that?

Nikki

I don't know if you've noticed, but we're not exactly living the dream.

Kelly

You always hated hearing what people thought about you.

Nikki

That's because most people are two-faced dickheads. I think we should go and see this guy.See how much he offers us. Look, it's worth having a conversation.

Curtis

All right.

Kelly

Twenty fuckin' grand!

Simon

You sold your powers?

Kelly

Yeah mate.

Simon

You shouldn't be doing this. We were given them for a reason!

Nikki

And what reason's that?

Curtis

I'll give you twenty thousand reasons for getting rid of 'em!

Simon

It's like in Superman II when Superman gives up his powers so that he can be with Lois Lane.

Kelly

And?

Simon

General Zod took over the world!

Curtis

That's totally relevant, except there ain't no General Zod, and that's twenty thousand pounds. Later.