Nathan Explosion quotes from Metalocalypse

Dudes, we would, like, have to sew him back together to get him to cook for us.

Toki

Yeah, but we such screw-ups that he would be sewn back together wrong.

Nathan

Whoa! That's a good song title.

Charles Ofdensen

Okay, so you want to re-re-re-re-record in the ocean, in... I see, no problem...

Nathan Explosion

No, not in the ocean! Inside the ocean.

Ofdensen

Okay.

Nathan

In the heaviest, deepest, most brutal part.

Ofdensen

Alright.

Nathan

The Mariana TREEEEEEEEEENCH!

Ofdensen

Well, let me make some calls.

Ofdensen

Well, the good news is that they're gonna give you more money to record this album. The bad news is that they're going to send a producer down to work with you, so I hope that -

Nathan

NOOOOOOOOOOOO! [throws model globe off the panel in a fury]

Nathan

Your guitar's picking up strange sounds!

Toki

What, dude? I didn't know these pickups were that strong. It picks up the whales saying hello.

Nathan

Maybe take it easy on those beans, Murderface?

Pickles

Yeah, I know man, have a little decency. I mean, we're stuck together in a... in a friggin' submarine for...

Murderface

[drops bucket of beans] Fine, how about I starve to death. How's that? [passes gas] Excuse me! Ugh, these boots are killing my feet! [removes boots, exposing sweaty, smelly feet; passes gas] These feet sti... [vomits all over himself]

Knubbler

Yeah, bear with me dudes. I think I made the trip a little too fast. My... my body's having a little trouble adjusting to the oceanic pressure down here. I'm sure I'll feel a little better once I have some Pop Rocks and Coke. [washes down a handful of Pop Rocks with Coca-Cola and begins to bleeds from nose]

Nathan

Now shut up and listen to this, Dick. This is metal. For fish.

Skwisgaar

Fish don't gots no good metal to listens to.

Murderface

Yeah, it's true.

Knubbler

Fish, huh?

Nathan

This one's called Murmaider!

Murderface

It's about mermaid murder.

Knubbler

Stop the track! This is amazing! I mean, there must be billions of fish out there! It's a totally untapped market! And so many hits too!

Nathan

Electric Eelchair!

Knubbler

Yeah!

Skwisgaar

Scaled and Gutted and Undercooked.

Knubbler

Yeah!

Murderface

Scuba Tank Filled With Farts!

Knubbler

YEAH! You boys knocked it completely out of the park. [quietly] I am back on top. [louder] I'm going straight to the label!

Nathan Explosion

A birthday party for Murderface?

Skwisgaar

Where is it going to be? In a toilet? In a bus station?

Toki Wartooth

Oh, that's brutal.

Skwisgaar

Can you believe, right off the top of my head, just making up like thats?

Pickles

Wait a minute! The guy's a nihilist, what does he want a birthday for?

Inside, outside, up or down. Show up if you want, who gives a piss?

Nathan

Oh, fuck me! We're going to have to get him a gift!

Skwisgaar

Or maybe, like, we get him an endangered species, and then, we could kill it? That'd be cool.

Skwisgaar

I just read about this thing online you can buy a star and name it. Like, what if we named it, like, Mulhalmad Ali, the black prizefighter? That would be his gift.

Skwisgaar

Fuck you.

Nathan

Wait a minute! I got it - we'll give him the blackest most meaningless gift of all.

Nathan

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the party. And as you all know, no party is complete without a birthday party clown. And we have one of the finest Rock N' Roll clowns around, so please...put- your hands tog- you know, here comes the Rock N' Roll clown.

[enters siding in on his knees] K-K-K-K-K YEAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! [crowd moans: Murderface looks annoyed] I'm Dr. Rockso, the Rock and Roll Clown! I do cocaine! K-K-K-K-YEAH! I hear it's somebody's birth-day! I do cocaine! Dr. Rockso gonna make you a balloon bass.

[whispers] I seriously do... a lotta cocaine. [louder] Try it out! Wait a minute, I think someone's outta tune. Just a little more. [turns the knob, which swells until it pops in William's face -- he looks furious] You popped a string! Hehe! I do coca- [Murderface strangles Dr. Rockso and shoves the balloon bass down his throat, then sets the Klokateers on him. The Klokateers viciously stomp Rockso.]

Nathan

And now, the blackest present for the most brutal of all bass players... [the gift box falls open, empty] ... NOOOOTHING!

Murderface

Oh, you suck! You all suck!

Nathan

Awwww, what's wrong?

Skwisgaar

Ah yeah, go play records backwards and kill yourself.

Pickles

Hey fatso! We got your favorite thing: disappointment!

Nathan

Attention! You big baby!

Skwisgaar

Ah, what are you doing? Going for a crybaby walk?

Murderface

Hey! Why's everybody wearing camouflage? Joining the Marines?

Nathan

We wanted to, uhh, surprise you. In outfits.

Murderface

Y'look like stupid Navy Seals.

Nathan

That's part of the surprise.

Murderface

Why?

Nathan

Because it makes us harder to see! That's awesome.

Pickles

Hey douchefag! [a car is lowered in front of Murderface] Happy Birthday!

Nathan

Well, what do you think?

Toki

Big fat tires and everything!

Murderface

But I already got, like, a million limos.

Pickles

Dude, not like this one. This is the limo that Kennedy got his brains smashed open in with a bullet! [makes gunshot noises]

Nathan

It's all souped up... and desecrated.

Skwisgaar

Yeah, dude, and the driver's seat is the chair from, like, where President Wrinkloln was shot. And assassinated in.

Pickles

And... you're entered in the first-ever Dethklok Dethmolition Klok-a-matae Deth Derby!

Toki

And I made you this macaroni murder lady. What used to be the red hots were the blood, but I ates them.

Murderface

You mean I get to destroy United States history... LITERALLY!? [sheds a tear of blood]

Toki

[picks up Dethphone, its spikes poking him in the face] This is heavy. It hurts my face. Boy, I really hates it.

Charles Ofdensen

Well, it's your design. You may have been drunk, but you made a really convincing case to me.

Nathan

All right, you know we get really, really excited about really bad ideas when we drink, and it's your job to talk us out of it.

Ofdensen

Oh, I tried. I tried very hard, but you all threatened to kill me, if you don't remember.

Pickles the Drummer

So? Big deal, those threats aren't new.

Pickles

Friends, we're... we're not used to the whole apologizing thing. We're not professional apologizers. We're... musicians. So, we wrote a song for you, a new national anthem. We took the lyrics straight from your Finnish folklore book of necronomic spells.

Nathan

You may recognize this one, though it hasn't been sung for a few thousand years. "Awaken, awaken, Mustakrakish, the Lake Troll".

Ofdensen

Well, it's official: Finland is being destroyed by a troll that... you summoned.

Skwisgaar

Well, I'm not sorry.

Nathan

Huh, I can't believe we summoned a troll. Why didn't we think of this earlier?

Toki

Oh, high school would've been awesome with a big pal, like him. He could have carried me to school!

Nathan

I know!

Pickles

Dudes, I'm turning on my Dethphone and I'm hearing Murderface. Wait a minute! Do we just get one phone line in five phones?!

Toki

That's brutal.

Pickles

So wait - we can't make any out-calls?! Dude, Murderface, get off the phone! Please! Get off the phone!

Murderface

Okay, hold on. I just need to check my messages.

You have 67 new telephone answering machine digital phone wireless fidelity Dethfone messages. To hear the messages, press "1" on the keypad located on the front of the phone. Preparing to play answering machine number message number one. After this message, would you like to save, or delete, or replay this message, please listen to the directions that will follow the message...

Nathan

Oh man, this thing's just designed to eat up minutes. It's brutal.

Nathan

Looks likes that troll killed that power everywhere.

Skwisgaar

Well, there's only two things to do in a blackout: get drunk... one thing to do.

Nathan

Oh, I hate Finland. I need a hundred beers.

Nathan

I need a hundred beers. Exactly... exactly one hundred. Thank you.