Christmas is not the time for regrets, that's what anniversaries are for.
S4 E11It's A Bundyful Life: Part 1
S4 E12It's A Bundyful Life: Part 2
I know you think you got it tough. Your wife doesn't respect you. Your kids think you're a failure. A good day for you is when you don't come across any new foot diseases...Believe me, I sympathize. But you think your life reeks? Take a whiff of mine, pal. My wife gained a hundred pounds for every year we were married. We had two kids. I think she ate 'em, I dunno. I hated driving home so much I had vanity plates written up that said "Hit me." But despite it all, she loved me. You know how I know? BECAUSE SHE TOLD ME!! Oh, yeah! When I was at work, she loved my father, my brother, my bookie...but when I found my grandfather's teeth in my bed under the pillow, then I knew there was trouble in paradise. That's when I did what any other man would do, Bundy. I canceled my insurance and I hung myself. Showed her, huh?!
Bud, quick. What's more important: love or money?
Money. I can always rent love.
Kelly, what's the color of an orange?
Right now? No multiple choice? Straight off the top of my head?
I'm a guardian angel. I'm looking for an Al Bundy. Do you know an Al Bundy?
I'm Al Bundy.
(The guardian angel looks away)
NOOOOOOOOO! WOULD YOU STOP PLAYING NINTENDO UP THERE FOR A MINUTE?!! LOOK AT THE MESS YOU GOT ME INTO!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!?"
S4 E13Who'll Stop The Rain
Al, just call a roofer.
There. Right there, Peg, is the problem with America. We've lost our spirit of self-reliance. Something's broken, call someone. Something's leaking, call someone. One of the kids suffers a ruptured appendix, call someone. Whatever happened to rugged American manhood?
Well we don't know yet, Dad. Kelly's tests haven't come back from the lab yet.
Chew Dad's socks!
Eat Mom's food!
Oh, Al, you fell.
Al (as he gets into bed): Yes, Peg, I did. (Peg makes a kissy face at Al and eyes him suggestively): But obviously not far enough.
Peg (to Kelly and Bud): Now, Daddy's going to fall off the roof again. You know what to do.
Kelly and Bud (in unison): Get the camera.
Peg (shakes her head): No. We already have enough pictures of Daddy on the floor in the wedding album.
As God is my witness, I'll never be wet again!
S4 E14A Taxing Problem
It's a good thing I did the taxes. If claiming two children as dependents gets you $300, imagine what 23 kids is worth!
The gas chamber?
(Bud comes in with Buck on a leash and a scooper in his hand)
So, how'd it go?
Ah, he's still constipated. If he was any tighter, you could wear him to the prom.
You mean to tell me he didn't react at all to the picture of you naked? 'Cuz just the thought of it would work for me.
S4 E15Rock And Roll Girl
Gee, that's nice. Well, Al. Maybe now you can take down that bumper sticker that says, "Support Higher Education: Send a Cop to First Grade."
S4 E16You Gotta Know When To Fold 'Em: Part 1
I want a vacation.
Peg, if you wanna visit someplace new, try the kitchen. Oh, and why don't you get a picture of yourself with the refrigerator. You know, "Ol' Empty"?
God, I hate men!
I thought you were man's best friend. Oh wait, that's a dog, not a chicken. Sorry, Marce.
TATV Announcer
Today on Becky: Men: Scum or Slime?
(Peg grimaces and changes the channel)
TATV Announcer #2
Today on Lorraine: Men: Couldn't You Just Puke?
(Peg, still unsatisfied, changes the channel again)
TATV Announcer #3
Today on Sharon: Men: Upright Dogs With Paychecks?
Peg (changes the channel again): That's what I hate about this time of year: nothing on but reruns.
Kids, get a change of clothes and a baseball bat, 'cuz we're going to Vegas!
(Bud and Kelly exchange glances as the episode ends on a freeze-frame with the words, "TO BE CONTINUED", on the bottom of the screen)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.